Épisodes

  • LTN 17 - Levels Of Dependence

    LTN 17 - Levels Of Dependence
    Jan 29 2026
    Love Thy Neighbor relationship show intro Colette Jane Fair as therapist co-host Colette Jane Fair book promotion and name spelling Easier book access at thecostofquiet.com Jokes about bad spelling and confidence Florida cold weather shock and routines Comedy song about being too cold Comparing Florida cold snaps to northern winters Liking New York but not winter weather Extreme Florida temp swings vs gradual cold Relationship awareness from doing the show Relationship content as emotional homework Keeping relationships top of mind Social media pushing relationship advice Dependence vs codependence confusion Partnership as a co-pilot in life Long relationships starting young Dividing responsibilities over time Relying on a spouse for life logistics Fear of helplessness without a partner Everyday tasks revealing dependence Men becoming dependent on wives Healthy dependence vs unhealthy codependence Healthy interdependence concept Keeping individual identity in a couple Respectful disagreement as intimacy Codependency roots in addiction dynamics Losing self to manage others Enabling harmful behavior to avoid conflict Saying yes to keep peace Emotional support as normal reliance Overlap between healthy and unhealthy patterns Common codependency examples Mutual enabling in relationships Taking responsibility for another adult Codependency outside addiction like work Early coupling increasing codependency risk Childhood shaping conflict avoidance Carrying patterns into work and marriage People pleasing to avoid upsetting others Asking a spouse for things without looking Laziness mistaken for dependence Humor about shouting for items Unnecessary everyday reliance Asking for help as a signal of distress Seeking comfort through minor complaints Noticing and correcting attention seeking Normal desire for care without labels Habitual reliance for simple tasks Laziness vs codependence distinction Overthinking reactions instead of speaking Avoiding direct communication Fear of asking for personal time Anticipating rejection before talking Weekend trip example of codependence Managing a partners emotions Thoughtful timing vs manipulation Naming fear instead of control Saying dont get mad fails Inviting honest conversation Vulnerability creating safer talks Avoiding hard talks as core issue The idea behind The Cost of Quiet Using discomfort to enter conflict Extreme avoidance as codependence Learning to tolerate discomfort Honesty may upset others Growth and relationship work is hard Difficulty as a sign of value Short term discomfort for long gain Conversations ease with practice Reactions often less severe than feared Introducing the 777 relationship rule Weekly date nights Getaways every seven weeks Vacations every seven months Skepticism about realism Adjusting date nights for parents Dates as intentional time Vacations as presence and unplugging Accountability through scheduling Couple time vs family time Blurring lines with one child Risk of neglecting spousal bond Need for partner only time Difficulty choosing dates over family Date nights feel different than family time Novel experiences boosting attraction Activities without emotional connection Surface level relationships Emotional connection over activities Conversation quality over cost Meeting needs through kids instead of partners Life organized around children Disconnection after kids leave Gray divorce after 50 Quiet quitting in marriage Emotional neglect over years Marriage compared to client maintenance Losing connection without communication Taking a spouse for granted Shortchanging marriage for work or kids Presence over rigid rules Intent behind dates and vacations Valuing simple shared moments Low cost memories matter Anonymous listener email promotion Listener story about chronic pain and surgery Dreading holidays due to limits Setting boundaries for well being Family pushing unexpected plans Choosing honesty over obligation Family reactions and acceptance Relief from quiet holiday Empowerment from self protection Kind honesty with boundaries Tolerating disappointment without self betrayal Catastrophic thinking about conflict Recognizing worst case thinking Holding anxious thoughts lightly Avoiding obligations by default Rest needs mistaken for laziness Questioning if hard always equals good Growth discomfort vs unnecessary suffering Internalized shoulds Not all hard things are worth it Choosing based on need not difficulty Honoring personal limits Deciding by capacity and health Saying no due to health or injury Emotions as boundary signals Desire vs fear of disappointing Difficulty giving self permission Habitual yes saying Losing self through accommodation Identifying codependent patterns Prioritizing others at personal cost Belief that suffering is required Work as coping Emotional suppression as ...
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    46 min
  • LTN 16 - The Power of Self Talk

    LTN 16 - The Power of Self Talk
    Jan 22 2026
    * Love Thy Neighbor intro with Colette Fair and sold out book party in Maitland * Middle names used on air * Dan originally named Dan Lee before radio * Name came from college musician friend * Dan hated Dan Lee and changed it * Joke about Daniel Day Lewis * Colette knowing little about the hosts * Bear suit embarrassment story * Sudden shift from jokes to tragedy * Local therapist murder suicide case * Therapist client boundary risks * Story appearing in social feeds * Avoiding news for mental health * Garbage in garbage out media rule * Balance between news and sanity * After hours therapy attack details * Former client returning violent * Victim therapist Rebecca White named * Praise for her compassion and work * Specialized in offender treatment * Hurt people hurt people idea * Rehab versus punishment debate * Attacker criminal history noted * Therapist asked intruder to leave * Other client threatened 911 * Therapist and client stabbed * Client expected to recover * Attacker fled then killed himself * Suicide outside a church * Knife violence against women focus * Therapist workplace safety concerns * Colette no longer working nights * Husband staying late for protection * Violence against women ongoing issue * Emotional toll on therapist community * Invited to Mayor Demings forum * Florida ranked 49th in funding * Criticism of state priorities * Florida crime headline jokes * Open records and sunshine laws * Population growth adding pressure * Call for more mental health access * Crazy goes south saying * Florida penal colony jokes * Aging jokes and sideburn talk * Teasing as closeness sign * Mental health spectrum discussion * Addiction and illness as major issues * Extreme cases versus everyday struggle * Middle group quietly suffering * Job loss divorce depression stress * Fixing middle improves outcomes * Burnout culture and nonstop work * Fake perfect life online * Social media unrealistic standards * Deepfakes harming kids * Tech damaging relationships * Transition to relationships talk * Drive affecting a spouse * Husband joking stay at home role * Calm personality praised * Four beers test of likability * Not threatened by partner success * Living with driven people hard * Being too hard on self * Inner critic negativity * Lighten up advice * Fear of laziness behind criticism * Childhood roots of self talk * Rest as productive reframed * Burnout and withdrawal * Kinder self dialogue * Self compassion helps relationships * Difficulty accepting kindness * Sports psychology model * Forget mistakes quickly * Neutral mindset example * NFL playoff psychology * Brady emotional detachment joke * Success versus family trade offs * Some born for singular greatness * Attraction to driven partners * Smart women mislabeled cold * Support for partner success * Book launch consuming life * Post launch emotional crash * Planning future goals * Anticipation improves happiness * Planning small trips together * Novelty strengthens attraction * Listener emails segment * Frozen camera double finger moment * Listener praise for joyful start * Married out of league joke * Relationship listeners theory * Even good relationships struggle * Anonymous email call * Long marriage listener story * Autistic executive function issues * Pebble in shoe story * Always accommodating partner dynamic * Get my way credit question * You cannot bank compliance points * Case by case decisions * Communicate why it matters * I dont care restaurant problem * Engagement versus checking out * No transactional relationships * Asking directly early * Avoid resentment arguments * Reframing I dont care language * Helping brainstorm choices * Colette book preorder plug * Book on Amazon and Barnes * Audiobook coming soon * Episode close and sign off ### Social Media [https://tomanddan.com](https://tomanddan.com) [https://twitter.com/tomanddanlive](https://twitter.com/tomanddanlive) [https://facebook.com/amediocretime](https://facebook.com/amediocretime) [https://instagram.com/tomanddanlive](https://instagram.com/tomanddanlive) Tom & Dan on Real Radio 104.1 Apple Podcasts: [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-corporate-time/id975258990](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-corporate-time/id975258990) Google Podcasts: [https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkLnBvZGJlYW4uY29tL2Fjb3Jwb3JhdGV0aW1lL3BvZGNhc3QueG1s](https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkLnBvZGJlYW4uY29tL2Fjb3Jwb3JhdGV0aW1lL3BvZGNhc3QueG1s) TuneIn: [https://tunein.com/podcasts/Comedy/A-Corporate-Time-p1038501/](https://tunein.com/podcasts/Comedy/A-Corporate-Time-p1038501/) Exclusive Content [https://tomanddan.com/registration](https://tomanddan.com/registration)
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    48 min
  • LTN 15 - Handling Aging

    LTN 15 - Handling Aging
    Jan 15 2026
    • Introduction of Love Thy Neighbor and Colette Fair as recurring relationship expert • Casual emotional check-in with Colette and jokes about free advice and "private" episodes • Shift to self-esteem, confidence, and how aging impacts desirability • Aging anxiety framed as more intense for women and tied to social pressure • Fear of no longer being attractive to a partner despite reassurance • Difference between venting emotions and partners trying to "fix" feelings • Logical acceptance of aging versus emotional resistance • Dermatologist visit and Botox history triggering aging realization • Shock of being presented with plastic surgery as a next step • Discomfort with crossing into an "old person" identity • Social media comments and viral posts amplifying insecurity • Double standard in how men vs women are judged for aging • Media careers creating stronger appearance pressure for women • Men aging seen as gaining credibility while women lose it • Question of accepting aging versus cosmetic intervention • Aging framed as a personal relationship with oneself • Importance of self-approval over external validation • Belief that long-term partner attraction is relatively stable • Discussion of younger men dating older women • Attraction framed as confidence, intelligence, presence, and power • MILF/older-woman attraction discussed with humor • Confidence repeatedly identified as the most attractive trait • Increased self-scrutiny from frequent media appearances • Anxiety distorting self-perception while others don't notice changes • Partners often indifferent to appearance fluctuations • Tension between preaching acceptance and living it • Men's aging insecurity expressed through health and career • Hip replacement and medical procedures as aging milestones • Humor used to cope with vulnerability • Fear of drastic cosmetic changes; openness to subtle intervention • Social media filters and celebrity comparisons warping standards • Celebrities' resources creating unrealistic comparisons • Pamela Anderson cited for embracing no-makeup aging • Cultural discomfort with women aging publicly • Confidence reframed as more attractive than perfection • Shift to divorce and Annie Duke's Quit concept • Challenging "never quit" messaging in marriage • Quitting sometimes healthier than staying • Therapist as guide, not decision-maker • No one-size-fits-all relationship advice • Acceptance that either staying or leaving can turn out okay • Emotional difficulty accepting uncertainty • Rejection of soulmate mythology; marriage as ongoing choices • Critique of praising endurance as moral superiority • Amicable divorce reframed as not a failure • Harm to kids tied to conflict, not divorce itself • Social stigma and pressure keeping people stuck • Listener email about praising a spouse publicly • Genuine vs performative appreciation discussed • Wife's follow-up email praising consistent effort over decades • Takeaway: small, consistent actions matter more than grand gestures • Relationship compared to a tire that needs regular "air" • Daily or weekly intentional connection suggested • "Bids for connection" like watching a partner's shows • Choosing partner needs over personal comfort builds closeness • Core self-check: are you doing what matters to your partner? • Promotion of Colette's book launch, The Cost of Quiet • Event details: Thursday the 29th, 5:30–7:30 PM, Maitland Mercedes-Benz • Live podcast, food, drinks, community vibe, limited tickets • Book theme: avoiding hard conversations damages relationships • Growth framed as choosing hard effort over easy avoidance • Closing remarks and sign-off ### Social Media https://tomanddan.com https://twitter.com/tomanddanlive https://facebook.com/amediocretime https://instagram.com/tomanddanlive Where to Find the Show – A Mediocre Time Apple Podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-mediocre-time/id334142682 Google Podcasts https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkLnBvZGJlYW4uY29tL2FtZWRpb2NyZXRpbWUvcG9kY2FzdC54bWw Exclusive Content https://tomanddan.com/registration Merch https://tomanddan.myshopify.com/
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    48 min
  • LTN 14 - Purpose Anxiety

    LTN 14 - Purpose Anxiety
    Jan 8 2026
    • Introduction of Love Thy Neighbor with relationship therapist Colette Fair • Colette managing stress while preparing for The Cost of Quiet book launch • Announcement of The Cost of Quiet launch event at Maitland Mercedes-Benz • Event details: date, time, location, ticket includes a copy of the book • Framing the launch as both a book release and a community gathering • Loneliness discussed as a widespread modern issue • Feeling lonely even within families and long-term relationships • Humor about hiding in the bathroom for quiet time • Phones and constant distraction worsening disconnection • Live podcast recording planned at the launch event • Meet-and-greet with hosts and attendees • Food, drinks, and relaxed, low-pressure atmosphere emphasized • Event positioned as an easy entry point to relationship work • Participation from local therapists and community voices • Focus on improving connection and reducing loneliness • Communication breakdowns linked to phones and social media • Ticket info shared via website, show notes, and live chat • Giveaway of 10 free tickets with email entry instructions • Encouragement for longtime listeners and newcomers alike • Listener email praising the show and a long, happy marriage • Discussion of attraction and intimacy growing over time • Question of whether partners value being praised publicly • Importance of expressing appreciation beyond generic compliments • Hosts affirm appreciation as rare and essential for relationship health • Daily emotional check-ins encouraged over routine small talk • Using specific appreciation during check-ins • Small household efforts as meaningful signs of care • Feeling "seen" through acknowledgment of little things • Research showing many positives needed to outweigh negatives • Couples overfocusing on complaints under stress • Balancing grievances with gratitude and affirmation • Limits of love languages and pressure to self-label • Most people still enjoying praise even if they claim otherwise • Compliments about effort, attraction, and appearance matter • Men and women both valuing being told they look good • Compliments boosting confidence in partners and children • Kids learning affirmation through modeled behavior • Discussion of whether too much praise can feel smothering • Difference between healthy appreciation and unhealthy overdoing it • Encouragement to ask partners how they prefer to feel loved • Public praise versus private appreciation preferences • Teasing and joking as long-term bonding dynamics • Humor, hazing, and exaggeration as signs of emotional security • Reinforcing that genuine appreciation is usually welcomed • Introduction of purpose anxiety and pressure to "find your purpose" • Reframing purpose as small, evolving, and practical • Careers often developing without a clear master plan • Feeling trapped in unfulfilling work contributing to loneliness • Advice to seek small joys instead of drastic life changes • Accepting that even meaningful work still includes stress • Finding meaning outside of work when necessary • Hobbies and side interests potentially growing into fulfillment • Parenting parallels about finding positives in disliked activities • Ballet discipline example showing delayed appreciation • Love languages explained as tools, not science • Overview of quality time, acts of service, touch, words, and gifts • Emphasis on asking directly what makes a partner feel loved • Alone time recognized as a valid emotional need • Mental load carried by women in families highlighted • Importance of noticing invisible planning and emotional labor • Encouraging proactive support rather than assumptions • Transition to dating after divorce in your 40s • Anxiety about modern dating norms and apps • Dating apps described as discouraging and dehumanizing • Encouragement toward low-pressure, in-person dates • Digital chemistry often failing to translate in real life • Normalizing awkwardness when reentering dating • Rebuilding social confidence through friendships • Reassurance that kind, stable partners are in demand • Emphasis on human need for real connection over technology • Invitation to the book launch as a social, organic meet opportunity • Reminder of free ticket giveaway and confirmation process • Lighthearted humor, optimism, and closing thanks ### Social Media [https://tomanddan.com](https://tomanddan.com) [https://twitter.com/tomanddanlive](https://twitter.com/tomanddanlive) [https://facebook.com/amediocretime](https://facebook.com/amediocretime) [https://instagram.com/tomanddanlive](https://instagram.com/tomanddanlive) Where to Find the Show – A Mediocre Time Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-mediocre-time/id334142682](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-mediocre-time/id334142682) Google Podcasts [https://podcasts.google.com...
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    46 min
  • LTN 13 - 20Thousand Dollar Day

    LTN 13 - 20Thousand Dollar Day
    Dec 25 2025
    • Love Thy Neighbor introduced as a relationship show focused on growth • Financial stress framed with humor about offering creative services • New year positioned as a moment for relationship reflection, not reinvention • Focus on small, attainable changes over drastic relationship overhauls • Comparison between extreme diet resolutions and unrealistic relationship goals • Small, consistent actions compounding over time • All-or-nothing resolutions setting people up for failure • Behavior change compared to habit-building and voting • New year not magically changing real life circumstances • Couples feeling stuck in familiar routines • Encouragement to carve out a few focused minutes daily for connection • Disconnection driven by exhaustion, work pressure, finances, and parenting • Numbing out with phones and screens instead of connecting • Daily ritual of sharing emotions, appreciation, and struggles • Naming emotions as a tool for deeper connection • Research showing many positives are needed to offset negatives • Quality of time valued over quantity • Sharing inner experiences reducing mind-reading and guessing • Importance of routine and consistency in relationship habits • Couples compared to distracted roommates orbiting each other • Need to reserve energy specifically for the relationship • Weekly small gestures like notes or tokens of care • Using reminders and pre-planning to support follow-through • Treating relationship effort like scheduled work • Humor about effort tied to desired outcomes • Tension between authentic connection and transactional gestures • Gestures lacking emotional presence not landing • Relationship growth compared to fitness results over time • Question of how to measure relationship progress • Difference between real effort and going through the motions • Gestures needing to match what matters to a specific partner • Differences in love languages and meaning • Preference for emotional openness over physical tokens for some • Compliments and physical affection as impactful gestures • Reminders to show affection not inherently fake • Warning against replacing communication with gestures • Encouragement to share emotionally even when uncomfortable • Surface gestures compared to shortcuts versus deeper work • Presence and emotional connection emphasized as core tools • Teasing acknowledgment of personal blind spots • Preparing mentally and physically for a second hip replacement • Cutting out alcohol ahead of surgery for health • Alcohol used as an unhealthy coping tool for anxiety • Distinction between casual drinking and substance use disorder • Lower threshold for substance misuse than assumed • Alcohol described as a neurotoxin with no safe level • Cultural shift away from alcohol and toward alternatives • Need to replace alcohol with healthier coping strategies • Short-term relief versus long-term harm from drinking • Personal experience of intense but fleeting relief from alcohol • Pattern of diminishing returns from drinking • Drinking framed as human but flawed coping • Anxiety-driven drinking during stressful events • Introduction of mindfulness as an alternative • Mindfulness defined as present awareness without judgment • Short practices still offering benefits • Mindfulness as accessible, low-effort support • Ongoing struggle despite long-term practice • Emphasis on honesty when discussing coping • Resistance to meditation due to restlessness • Gradual improvement coping without substances • Mention of mindfulness and meditation apps • Pairing mindfulness with journaling • Skepticism toward prescribed self-help routines • Research supporting gratitude practices • Gratitude linked to mood, longevity, and reduced anxiety • Structured tools making gratitude easier • Spoken gratitude as an alternative to writing • Simple practice of naming three good things • Gratitude countering negativity bias • Clarifying gratitude is not toxic positivity • Difficulty sustaining gratitude habits • Teaching gratitude to children • Kids defaulting to repetitive gratitude answers • Gratitude through future perspective-taking • Imagining paying to relive ordinary days • Reframing everyday life as valuable from the future • Gratitude tied to aging, loss, and impermanence • "$20,000 day" mindset for appreciating the present • Holding hardship and gratitude at the same time • Reframing daily inconveniences as meaningful moments • Joy found by noticing good amid stress • Viktor Frankl and meaning through suffering • Meaning and kindness even in extreme hardship • Mental stability through intentional awareness • Regret over not appreciating health and family sooner • Alcohol falsely creating a sense of slowed time • Gratitude mimicking that effect in a healthier way • Writing reinforcing memory and presence • ...
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    44 min
  • LTN 12 - You Can Stay Home

    LTN 12 - You Can Stay Home
    Dec 18 2025
    • Debate over repeating the show title and old-school radio presentation • Traditional radio habits versus modern podcast structure • Adjusting how hosts and guests are introduced on-air • Colette's media tour to Atlanta, Washington D.C., and Phoenix/Scottsdale • Delayed release of holiday-related media segments • Balancing work travel with mother–daughter time • Family relocation from New York to California and reduced closeness • Ease of travel between Florida and New York influencing migration • Jokes about people "invading" Florida • Media stereotypes about Florida and Floridians • Comedians mocking Florida while wanting to live there • Upsides of Florida living: weather, space, beaches, lifestyle • Downsides of Florida: extreme heat and limited outdoor variety • Comparisons to western states' landscapes and activities • Jokes about boring Florida walks and outdoor options • Idea of recording the relationship show on a boat • Humor about awkward optics, spouses present, and swampy scenery • Wanting cold weather for the holidays versus reality of winter travel • Experiences with extreme cold in northern cities • Renewed appreciation for Florida after traveling • Transition back to structured show segments and emails • High volume of listener emails centered on Christmas stress • Holidays as a peak stress period for relationships • Family gatherings creating forced togetherness and emotional strain • Pressure to appear happy during the holidays • Financial stress tied to holiday expectations • Listener email about December disrupting an otherwise stable relationship • Conflict over hosting, decorating, and family obligations • Tension between protecting a partner's joy and personal boundaries • Feeling forced or inauthentic during extended holiday plans • Difficulty expressing negative feelings without "ruining" the holiday • Resentment from hosting, travel, and family expectations • Being told to suppress feelings and "put on a happy face" • Feeling disallowed from expressing true emotions • Codependency from suppressing personal needs • Telling the truth about feelings without blaming a partner • Communicating overwhelm and anxiety around obligations • Framing conversations as discussion instead of refusal • Using a 1–10 scale to gauge how much something matters to a partner • Stretching for a partner when something truly matters to them • Harm of minimizing personal emotional experiences • Over-functioning by prioritizing others' feelings over your own • Joint decision-making based on both partners' needs • Accepting mismatched holiday enthusiasm • Allowing someone to be the "Grinch" without forcing cheer • Balancing authenticity with social responsibility • Choosing whether to attend events versus attending with resentment • Emotional self-regulation when choosing to participate • Unequal labor when one partner drives holiday plans • Transactional dynamics and "rewards" for participation • Risks of trading needs for short-term peace • Right to say no within marriage and family • Saying no clearly and kindly without guilt • Reframing boundaries as non-selfish self-care • Accepting partner disappointment as part of maturity • Saying no to prevent future resentment • Pressure to fake happiness to keep peace • Fear of being disliked or disappointing others • Avoidance of conflict leading to resentment and distance • Silence in relationships having long-term costs • Advocating for personal wants and feelings • Being explicit when a request is a real sacrifice • Checking internally for resentment before agreeing • Owning the choice when saying yes • Not resenting a partner after choosing to participate • Practicing boundary-setting as a learned skill • Therapy helping break people-pleasing habits • Listener email about gift-giving anxiety and conflict • Overspending, guilt spirals, and pressure around gifts • Gifts feeling tied to love, effort, and parenting • Social pressure on women to perform love through perfect gifts • Differentiating joyful giving from trapped giving • Permission to scale back holiday effort • Negative self-talk and self-criticism around holidays • Accepting compliments and small boundaries • Emotional versus logical views of Christmas meaning • One partner not caring about receiving gifts • Accepting gifts because giving matters to the giver • Sharing wish lists to ease gift stress • Avoiding unintentionally ruining someone's joy in giving • Difficulty choosing gifts for long-term partners • Skepticism about "love languages" as science • Preference for quality time over material gifts • Critique of conspicuous consumption • Encouraging experience-based gifts over objects • Local experience gift ideas and planned dates • Thoughtfulness as feeling seen, not price-driven • Last-minute gift panic leading ...
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    43 min
  • LTN 11 - Communicate

    LTN 11 - Communicate
    Dec 11 2025

    • Holiday stress, polarized feelings, and relationship strain
    • Simplifying expectations and focusing on connection
    • Intentional family time and low-effort activities like games and puzzles
    • Screen overstimulation making simple activities feel boring
    • Relearning enjoyment away from devices
    • Emotional lift after spending real time with family
    • Effort required to engage in shared activities
    • Easy entry games and "adult parallel play" options like pottery, climbing, walking
    • Bonding without constant conversation; Florida weather enabling outdoor time
    • Casual family outings like parks, markets, and food halls
    • Scheduling pauses to avoid being consumed by chores
    • Rejecting holiday perfectionism in favor of meaningful moments
    • Memories shaped by shared experiences, not tasks
    • Traditions like driving to see Christmas lights; nostalgia for older displays
    • Local light events as simple holiday fun
    • Reducing pressure with easier meal choices and clearer communication
    • Asking guests what they want to talk about to spark genuine conversations
    • Choosing activities people actually want, honoring diverse traditions
    • Traveling for family obligations and maintaining positive ties with ex-in-laws
    • Modeling healthy relationships and blended family dynamics for kids
    • Showing kids that emotional expression is normal and healthy
    • Challenging traditional male conditioning around emotions
    • Using communication tools to balance expression with appropriate containment
    • Pausing to regulate emotions and "measure" their priority
    • Validating feelings as signals about needs
    • Exploring emotions with curiosity instead of fear
    • Humor and gambling used as contrasts for emotional decision-making
    • Childhood lack of control shaping adult emotional habits
    • Fear of being overwhelmed by emotions; learning they subside when felt
    • Many adults never learned safe emotional expression
    • Vulnerability deepening connection
    • Admitting stress in professional settings to create honesty
    • Using exaggerated emotion manipulatively in negotiations
    • Joke about trying to "mold" a partner rather than treating them as equal
    • Holiday romance movies creating unrealistic expectations
    • "Emotional pornography" and other idealized social-media extremes
    • Social comparison damaging self-worth
    • Listener email tease: feeling treated like a child instead of a teammate
    • Feeling infantilized by constant correction and nitpicking
    • Addressing issues individually with calm "I feel" statements
    • Partners often unaware they sound critical until told gently
    • Vulnerability inviting empathy and appreciation
    • Workplace analogy: problems persist without direct communication
    • Fear-driven assumptions blocking honest expression of needs
    • Wizard of Oz analogy: solutions simpler when people communicate
    • Clear, kind communication resolving issues more than expected
    • Promotion for The Cost of Quiet, including pre-orders, audiobook, VIP launch, and live podcast details

    ###

    • Social Media: https://tomanddan.com | https://twitter.com/tomanddanlive | https://facebook.com/amediocretime | https://instagram.com/tomanddanlive
• Where to Find the Show: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-mediocre-time/id334142682 | https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkLnBvZGJlYW4uY29tL2FtZWRpb2NyZXRpbWUvcG9kY2FzdC54bWw | https://tunein.com/podcasts/Comedy/A-Mediocre-Time-p364156/
• Tom & Dan on Real Radio 104.1: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-corporate-time/id975258990 | https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkLnBvZGJlYW4uY29tL2Fjb3Jwb3JhdGV0aW1lL3BvZGNhc3QueG1s | https://tunein.com/podcasts/Comedy/A-Corporate-Time-p1038501/
• Exclusive Content: https://tomanddan.com/registration
• Merch: https://tomanddan.myshopify.com/
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    45 min
  • LTN 10 - The Gray-Divorce

    LTN 10 - The Gray-Divorce
    Dec 4 2025
    • Low-effort vs. high-effort Thanksgiving experiences • Colette's relaxed holiday without her kids • Daniel's stressful Thanksgiving towing multiple vehicles • Different family traditions and conflicting holiday desires • Two opposing feelings about an experience both being valid • Giants' struggles, game mishaps, and kicker issues • Annoyance at Kansas City's continued success and Cowboys rivalry • Social media comparison culture affecting relationships • Pressure from idealized online portrayals vs. real life • Comparison in the past (holiday cards) vs. constant modern exposure • Performative relationship presentation and couples divorcing despite appearing perfect • "Gray divorce" trend among people 50+ • Rising gray-divorce rates while overall divorce rates fall • Causes of gray divorce: growing apart, empty nest, long-term unhappiness • Women initiating most divorces due to increased independence • Less tolerance for unhealthy or abusive long-term relationships • Women leaving disconnected marriages after decades of misery • Some couples staying miserable for years • Personal gratitude for having healthier parental models • Possibility of fixing issues before reaching gray-divorce age • Older couples' grumpiness as an "act" rather than true misery • Enmeshment, codependency, and low-grade unhappiness in long marriages • Changing expectations around marriage and desire for deeper connection • Settling vs. actively improving a relationship • Negativity being easier than expressing affection • Relationships needing intentional effort and kindness • Debate of repairing a relationship vs. starting over • Mutual effort, communication, vulnerability, and appreciation • Recognizing when only one partner is doing the work • Personal growth as the first step toward repairing issues • Listener emails about empty-nester fears • Encouraging open conversations about the transition • Validating both excitement and fear as bonding opportunities • Joke about having another baby and related risks • Habitual lateness in friendships and dating • Whether chronic lateness can change • Lateness seen as inconsiderate and selfish • Emotional impact of others being late • Adults' responsibility to respect others' time • Predictable lateness patterns and communicating boundaries • Importance of notifying others when running late • Lateness signaling someone's time isn't valued • Anecdotes about partners who avoid being early • Intent vs. impact in lateness • Hurt caused by repeated lateness despite requests • Deciding whether to keep making plans with late people • Debate over giving slack vs. upholding values • Being on time as a personal identity • Using buffer time to stay punctual • Setting boundaries around lateness • Listener praise for the show • Question about poetry in modern dating • Party with an on-demand love-poem writer • Gay social events with creative entertainment • Fundraiser with themed performers in every room • Gay friends throwing more elaborate parties • Adults enjoying whimsical activities like face painting • Decline of poetry in dating • Nostalgia for romantic gestures like custom poems • Writing poems or symbolic gifts as romance • "Key to my heart" car-key gesture example • Romantic vulnerability appreciated when interest is mutual • Making a bound book of poems after divorce • Embarrassment over past over-the-top gestures • Feeling previous partners didn't value romantic efforts • Pulling back romantically after negative past experiences • Romantic gestures fading in long relationships but still meaningful • Listeners relating to giving up on effort after lack of appreciation • Love languages shaping what gestures matter • Suspicion of grand gestures when out of character • Big gifts perceived as guilt • Preference for small, thoughtful gestures • Bringing home garden flowers as simple affection • Tailoring gestures to the relationship • Thoughtfulness mattering more than format • Writing a poem for a partner after a parent's death • Partner framing the poem as a keepsake • Dark humor in personal writing • Acts of service like cleaning a partner's car • Love languages lacking scientific validation but still useful • Balancing effort across work, parenting, marriage, and self-care • Partner needs often neglected when overwhelmed • "Quiet quitting" relationships through emotional neglect • Disconnection leading to gray-divorce or roommate-style marriages • Value of small daily acts of presence • Five-minute check-ins to maintain connection • Quality time over quantity • Phones and mobile games interfering with relationships • Avoiding relationship effort similar to avoiding exercise • Small daily actions rebuilding habits and connection • "No time" as an excuse; micro-commitments help • Encouraging a few minutes of ...
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    46 min