What draws someone back to a relationship they know is hurting them — and what does it take to finally walk away?

In this episode, Todd sits down with author and spiritual counselor Stephen Paul Edwards, whose memoir The Venus Fly Trap chronicles one of the most intense, chaotic, and revealing relationships of his life. Named by the woman at the center of it all, the title says everything — and nothing you're quite prepared for.

Stephen shares openly about falling hard for a woman he recognized early on as dangerous, and staying anyway. What follows is a candid, often funny conversation about gaslighting, borderline personality disorder (BPD), childhood trauma, and the complicated reality that toxic relationships are rarely all bad.

Todd and Stephen dig into why smart, self-aware people end up in relationships that slowly erode their sense of reality, what BPD actually looks like to live alongside, and why the partner on the receiving end often blames themselves.

They also explore the current sexual revolution — shifting attitudes around monogamy, sexuality, and identity — and whether polyamory or monogamy can both be done well or badly depending on the people involved.

At the heart of it all is the work Todd talks about with clients regularly: facing the parts of ourselves we've spent a lifetime hiding. Stephen's memoir forced him to stop running and look inward — the same work that often marks the difference between a relationship that survives and one that doesn't.

If you've ever stayed past the point you should have, this one will feel familiar.

Access a free copy of Stephen's bonus book, The Venus Flytrap: Madness and Mayhem here: https://bit.ly/3MvAtAa

To learn more about Stephen's book or access free resources, visit VFT23.com. If this episode brought something up in your own relationship, reach out to Todd at toddcreager.com.

Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass

If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives.

Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass

Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT

Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach. He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach. (714) 848-2288.

You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at: https://toddcreager.com

HELPFUL LINKS:

• Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity
• Secrets to a Sexy Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets
• 7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYM
• ...

What if the "insecurity" you've been working so hard to reassure isn't insecurity at all?

In this solo episode, Todd Creager—a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 30 years of experience—walks you through one of the most confusing dynamics he sees in his practice: when what looks like a partner's fear and need for reassurance is actually a pattern of manipulation and control.

Todd explains the key differences between genuine insecurity and deliberate manipulation. Someone who is truly insecure may need reassurance, but they'll also take responsibility for their actions, apologize sincerely, and work to respect your boundaries over time. A person who is manipulating, on the other hand, keeps moving the goalpost—what satisfied them yesterday becomes a problem today. They rarely apologize, and when you bring up your own pain, the conversation gets turned back around onto you.

This episode covers several warning signs to watch for: when your sense of reality gets questioned until you start doubting your own memory; when jealousy turns into isolation from friends and family under the guise of "protecting" you; and when the silent treatment becomes a tool for punishment rather than a sign of hurt feelings. Todd draws a clear line between fear-based insecurity and power-based manipulation—one comes from a place of wanting connection, the other from wanting control.

If you've been weathered down over time and feel like you've lost your sense of self, this episode offers clarity. Todd shares how he helps clients begin to trust their own perception again by asking simple questions: What do I think? What do I feel? What would I believe if my partner wasn't telling me otherwise?

Whether you recognize these patterns in your own relationship or in someone you care about, this conversation can be a starting point for understanding what's really happening—and what you can do next.

If this resonates with you, consider reaching out. Todd works with individuals and couples navigating these complex dynamics and is here to help you find your footing again.

If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives.

Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass

Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT

Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach. He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach. (714) 848-2288.

You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at: https://toddcreager.com

HELPFUL LINKS:

• Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity
• Secrets to a Sexy Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets
• 7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYM
• ...

You know they lied. You've seen the evidence. So why can't you just move on?

In this episode, Todd addresses one of the most painful experiences in relationships: loving someone who has betrayed your trust through infidelity or other serious lies. Drawing from real cases in his practice, he explains the psychological phenomenon of cognitive dissonance—when your reality of love and commitment conflicts with the truth you're now facing.

Todd walks through three core tensions that keep you stuck: the love you felt versus the reality you're confronting, your emotional attachment versus the evidence of betrayal, and your hope for change versus the fear of abandoning yourself. He explains why it's completely normal to feel confused, even when the facts are clear.

This isn't about quick fixes. Todd acknowledges that some partners do change and relationships can heal, but he's equally honest about the work required and the time it takes to know if real change is happening. You'll hear practical guidance on how to be kind to yourself during this process, how to recognize genuine transformation in your partner (not just crisis management), and how to hold space for hope without losing yourself.

If you're questioning why you can't let go, or if you feel stuck between wanting to trust again and protecting yourself, this episode offers perspective and validation. Todd's 30 years of clinical experience helps you understand what's happening inside you—so you can make clearer decisions about what comes next.

This is honest talk about the messy middle of relationship recovery, where everything feels contradictory and nothing feels simple.

If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives.

Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass

Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT

Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach. He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach. (714) 848-2288.

You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at: https://toddcreager.com

HELPFUL LINKS:

• Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity
• Secrets to a Sexy Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets
• 7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYM
• ...