When everyone in the room is the same, your body feels it before your mind explains it. In this episode of Just Be, therapist Sophia Spencer unpacks what happens inside the social brain when you’re the “only one” in a space, the only woman, the only person of colour, the only person with an accent, the only one who doesn’t fit the mould.

You’ll learn how your amygdala and social rank systems scan for safety, how past experiences of exclusion shape sensitivity, and how to tell the difference between old pain and real bias or discrimination in the present.

Sophia explores why belonging can feel unsafe when sameness dominates, how micro-aggressions and subtle hierarchies activate the body’s alarm, and what it means to build spaces where you don’t have to shrink to fit in.

Referenced Concepts:

• Social Rank Theory (Gilbert, 2000)
• The Social Brain & Amygdala Activation (Lieberman, 2013)
• Social Pain and Exclusion Studies (Eisenberger & Lieberman, 2004)
• Implicit Bias & Microaggressions (Sue et al., 2007)

Why does rejection feel so painful, sometimes even years later?

In this episode of Just Be, therapist Sophia Spencer unpacks the science of social trauma and the emotions that come with it: shame, humiliation, guilt, and embarrassment.

You’ll learn about:

• Social Trauma — how exclusion and humiliation can overwhelm your nervous system.
• Social Emotions — why shame and humiliation exist to protect belonging, not punish you.
• Neuroscience of Rejection — how the brain processes social pain like physical pain.
• Reliving & Healing — why old wounds reactivate.

Because the pain of rejection isn’t weakness, it’s your brain’s proof that you were wired to belong.

🧠 Referenced Concepts

• Social Pain Research: Eisenberger, N. I., & Lieberman, M. D. (2004). Why rejection hurts: A common neural alarm system for physical and social pain. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 8(7), 294–300.
• Social Emotions: Tangney, J. P., Stuewig, J., & Mashek, D. J. (2007). Moral emotions and moral behavior. Annual Review of Psychology, 58, 345–372.
• Shame & Humiliation: Gilbert, P. (1998). What is shame? Some core issues and controversies. In Shame: Interpersonal Behavior, Psychopathology, and Culture. Oxford University Press.
• Social Trauma & Right Brain Development: Schore, A. N. (2001). The effects of early relational trauma on right brain development, affect regulation, and infant mental health. Infant Mental Health Journal, 22(1–2), 201–269.
• CBT & EMDR in Social Trauma: Lee, C. W., & Cuijpers, P. (2013). A meta-analysis of the contribution of eye movements in processing emotional memories. Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry, 44(2), 231–239.

Why do certain relationships, or moments of connection, feel both comforting and terrifying?

In this episode of Just Be, therapist Sophia Spencer explores how your earliest caregiving experiences shaped your nervous system’s sense of safety, and why those early lessons still echo in adulthood.

You’ll learn about:

• Attachment Theory — how early relationships taught your amygdala what safety feels like.
• Trauma — what it really means (and why it isn’t limited to PTSD or “big” events).
• Emotional Safety — why warmth and connection matter more than material security.
• Intergenerational Trauma & Epigenetics — how stress and emotional patterns are passed down across generations.
• Relearning Safety — how therapy helps your body and brain update what love and belonging feel like.

Because before confidence or visibility comes safety — and that safety begins where it all began: in connection.

Referenced Concepts

• Attachment Theory: Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and Loss. Basic Books.
• The Strange Situation: Ainsworth, M. D. S. et al. (1978). Patterns of Attachment. Erlbaum.
• Trauma: van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Penguin.
• Emotional Bonding: Harlow, H. F. (1958). The Nature of Love. American Psychologist, 13(12), 673–685.
• Epigenetic Transmission: Yehuda, R. & Bierer, L. M. (2009). The relevance of epigenetics to PTSD: Implications for the DSM-V. Journal of Traumatic Stress, 22(5), 427–434.
• Amygdala and Fear Learning: LeDoux, J. (1996). The Emotional Brain. Simon & Schuster.