Why does rejection feel so painful, sometimes even years later?

In this episode of Just Be, therapist Sophia Spencer unpacks the science of social trauma and the emotions that come with it: shame, humiliation, guilt, and embarrassment.

You’ll learn about:

• Social Trauma — how exclusion and humiliation can overwhelm your nervous system.
• Social Emotions — why shame and humiliation exist to protect belonging, not punish you.
• Neuroscience of Rejection — how the brain processes social pain like physical pain.
• Reliving & Healing — why old wounds reactivate.

Because the pain of rejection isn’t weakness, it’s your brain’s proof that you were wired to belong.

🧠 Referenced Concepts

• Social Pain Research: Eisenberger, N. I., & Lieberman, M. D. (2004). Why rejection hurts: A common neural alarm system for physical and social pain. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 8(7), 294–300.
• Social Emotions: Tangney, J. P., Stuewig, J., & Mashek, D. J. (2007). Moral emotions and moral behavior. Annual Review of Psychology, 58, 345–372.
• Shame & Humiliation: Gilbert, P. (1998). What is shame? Some core issues and controversies. In Shame: Interpersonal Behavior, Psychopathology, and Culture. Oxford University Press.
• Social Trauma & Right Brain Development: Schore, A. N. (2001). The effects of early relational trauma on right brain development, affect regulation, and infant mental health. Infant Mental Health Journal, 22(1–2), 201–269.
• CBT & EMDR in Social Trauma: Lee, C. W., & Cuijpers, P. (2013). A meta-analysis of the contribution of eye movements in processing emotional memories. Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry, 44(2), 231–239.