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here's a phrase we use in the medical field: "High Functioning."

We use it to describe an alcoholic who still makes it to work. Someone with depression who can still shower and smile. It means: "I'm falling apart, but I'm doing it quietly."

For survivors of childhood trauma, "high functioning" isn't just a clinical term—it's the title of the longest chapter of our lives.

In this episode, host Matthew Hearn examines The Shadow—the decades between childhood trauma and the eventual reckoning. This is Part 1 of a two-part deep dive into the years we spent building a life designed to prove we were fine.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• Why standing in the light always casts a shadow—and why success often makes the darkness grow
• What "The Fake Normal" looks like and why it's so exhausting to maintain
• The question that haunts every survivor: "If people knew the real me, would they still want me?"
• Why so many trauma survivors become overachievers, first responders, and crisis professionals
• How chaos becomes home when you grew up in chaos
• The brutal truth about achievement that took Matthew 40 years to learn

This episode is for you if:

You've spent decades being "the reliable one" while feeling like a fraud. You've built a successful life on paper but still wake up at 3 AM feeling like a scared kid. You're exhausted from performing and wondering if you can keep it up.

Content Note: This episode discusses childhood trauma and its long-term effects. While not graphic, it may bring up difficult emotions. Listen when you're in a safe space.

Next Episode: Part 2 - The Toolkit and Grace for the Runner

Your Assignment This Week: What's your Fake Normal? What's the performance you've been putting on? What would happen if you stopped? Sit with these questions—and join us next week for Part 2.

Subscribe so you don't miss Part 2, where we open the toolkit and learn to extend grace to the version of ourselves that lived in The Shadow.

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