This week on FREAKQUELS, Johnny law has given EJ and Rory the choice between attending Kent academy or jail. Having burned a lot of bridges in the clink, they decide to give the military academy a go. After blowing off formation to review “CHILD’S PLAY 3”, Cadet Lieutenant Colonel Chris Conforti subjects the jerks to brutal punishment, intense training, and multiple rounds of Hide the Soul, which was enforced by Uncle Sam’s favorite demonic doll, Chucky. All in all, the whole experience wasn’t nearly as bad as the gang’s trip to Disney.

Needing to hide from the police…for reasons, EJ and Rory flee to Barrow, Alaska! Problem is, a couple of jerk vamps are taking advantage of the town’s 30 days of darkness policy to feed on Barrow’s peeps. Vampires really have no consideration for people fleeing from the law. Anywho, they called Jon and Elle Snow for backup so they can get out of this carnage-ridden jam. While they await their arrival, the guys review the bloody good time, “30 DAYS OF NIGHT”, failing to see the similarities between the film and their current situation.

This week, Brent Wilson cracked open the Necronomicon which resulted in EJ and Rory being possessed by Kandarian demons. You’d think they’d raise hell or something , but instead they just want to talk about how awesome Sam Raimi and “THE EVIL DEAD” are!

It’s 2026 and FREAKQUELS is all about keeping their New Year’s resolutions! First up, reanimating corpses! Since Rory and EJ lack the know how, they decide to take notes on the subject matter while reviewing the classic 1931, “FRANKENSTEIN!” Will they end up building a new cohost or will playing God result in another unpleasant prison sentence. The answer is, another unpleasant prison sentence. Obviously.

Despite having excessive technical difficulties, we’re here to party with our FREAKQUENTS! To ring in the new year, the gang hops aboard a murder train to discuss the classic slasher flick, “TERROR TRAIN!” Greg Caldwell may or may not be killing passengers, but that’s 2026’s problem!

This week on FREAKQUELS, EJ is having an emotional breakdown! Rather than seek help, EJ has decided to dress up as a murderous Santa Clause and make his pain YOUR problem! Rather than be a good friend and help EJ through this dark time, Rory just couldn’t be bothered. Instead, he and Marnie Azzarelli review the yuletide version of Taxi Driver, “CHRISTMAS EVIL!”

This week on FREAKQUELS, Elle Snow and Strega Carmo join EJ and Rory to take on a film that bites harder than the vampires within, “SILENT BITE!”

It’s SNOWING out here in FREAKQUELVILLE, so EJ and Rory have invited David Gonzalez and Greg Caldwell to help build an evil snowman! Why an evil snowman? Because shut up, that’s why! Anywho, after the completion of their abomination, the gang pops on the straight to video wonder “JACK FROST” to give their murderous snowman some pointers. If there’s anything more merry than a bloodthirsty snowman than I don’t want to know about it!