This week on FREAKQUELS, Johnny law has given EJ and Rory the choice between attending Kent academy or jail. Having burned a lot of bridges in the clink, they decide to give the military academy a go. After blowing off formation to review “CHILD’S PLAY 3”, Cadet Lieutenant Colonel Chris Conforti subjects the jerks to brutal punishment, intense training, and multiple rounds of Hide the Soul, which was enforced by Uncle Sam’s favorite demonic doll, Chucky. All in all, the whole experience wasn’t nearly as bad as the gang’s trip to Disney.

Needing to hide from the police…for reasons, EJ and Rory flee to Barrow, Alaska! Problem is, a couple of jerk vamps are taking advantage of the town’s 30 days of darkness policy to feed on Barrow’s peeps. Vampires really have no consideration for people fleeing from the law. Anywho, they called Jon and Elle Snow for backup so they can get out of this carnage-ridden jam. While they await their arrival, the guys review the bloody good time, “30 DAYS OF NIGHT”, failing to see the similarities between the film and their current situation.

This week, Brent Wilson cracked open the Necronomicon which resulted in EJ and Rory being possessed by Kandarian demons. You’d think they’d raise hell or something , but instead they just want to talk about how awesome Sam Raimi and “THE EVIL DEAD” are!