In Episode 10, Kim opens Season Two by breaking down procrastination in a way most people have never heard it explained before.
This episode isn't about productivity, discipline, or time management. It's about emotional risk, fragile self-esteem, and the identities we built in childhood to survive.
Kim explains why procrastination shows up around the things that matter most. Big conversations. Creative work. Boundaries. Healing. Growth. And why avoidance isn't laziness. It's protection.
Drawing from attachment theory, trauma, neurobiology, and her own lived experience, Kim connects procrastination to emotional attunement, identity, shutdown, people-pleasing, catastrophizing, and the fear of inner collapse. She also explains why insight alone doesn't change behavior, and what actually has to shift for real movement to happen.
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Time Stamps & Topics
00:00 – Rage, triggers, and decades of stored emotional memory
00:25 – Why feeling misunderstood cuts so deeply
00:52 – Procrastination isn't about time management
01:22 – Emotional risk vs practical difficulty
01:50 – Personal example: writing a first book
02:29 – Procrastination around hard conversations
03:01 – Mistakes, shame, and fragile self-esteem
03:59 – Inner collapse and identity threat
05:04 – Why systems learn to avoid emotional danger
05:28 – What self-esteem actually is (and isn't)
05:51 – Self-esteem as emotional resilience
06:25 – Emotional attunement explained
06:44 – Empathy vs shared experience
07:37 – Why "they'll never understand me" isn't true
08:10 – Childhood emotional neglect and minimization
09:14 – Avoidant coping and jumping to solutions
09:57 – Why being sat with matters
10:27 – Religion, conflict avoidance, and emotional bypassing
11:30 – Biology of trauma and implicit memory
12:33 – Adoption, abandonment, and cognitive bias
13:46 – Anger as a lifelong trigger
14:52 – Suppression vs expression of emotion
15:41 – Coping mechanisms and shutdown
16:24 – Anxious vs avoidant responses in conflict
17:09 – Self-esteem and "what happens when something goes wrong"
18:28 – Catastrophizing and control
19:13 – Why anxiety feels protective
20:00 – Avoidance as nervous system safety
21:25 – Silence, minimization, and relational procrastination
23:14 – Childhood roles: good child, peacemaker, achiever
24:38 – Survival strategies vs self-esteem
25:27 – Relational procrastination and suppressed anger
26:25 – Waiting until you're angry to speak
27:08 – Walking on eggshells and staying silent
28:02 – Triggers as accumulated implicit memory
29:12 – Why your partner isn't the whole cause
30:07 – Shutdown as self-protection, not punishment
31:05 – Why insight doesn't change behavior
31:56 – Awareness without emotional capacity
32:23 – Cognitive vs behavioral change
33:11 – Reframing hard conversations
33:56 – Procrastination in personal growth and healing
35:02 – Childhood identities and family roles
36:16 – How family freezes you in old identities
37:35 – Why growth feels threatening
38:05 – Holding competing emotions about parents
39:22 – Letting go of old identities
40:05 – Why growth feels risky, not empowering
41:18 – What actually reduces procrastination
41:46 – Emotional regulation and self-trust
42:09 – Questions to ask yourself about avoidance
43:16 – Tasks that carry emotional weight
43:44 – Identity disruption and behavior change
44:31 – Alcohol, belonging, and identity shifts
44:58 – Pay attention to what you avoid
45:26 – What avoidance is protecting
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This episode is especially relevant if you feel stuck despite insight, avoid hard conversations, or keep postponing the things that matter most to you.
Kim's website: https://www.kimpolinder.com/
Kim's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kp_counseling/
Kim's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@engineeringlovepodcast
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