In this episode, I think about what changed when I stopped treating anxiety like a command.

This essay started with the day I finished my first film project in Canada and realized that the production budget wasn’t enough to pay my crew. My body reacted as if my entire life was collapsing. It became a reflection on anxiety, the body, breathing, meditation, and the small space that can appear between a feeling and our reaction to it.

I didn’t eliminate anxiety. I found two practices that helped me regain some control when it appeared.

This is a personal essay, not advice, therapy, or a scientific explanation.

Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/EQrv1ANWKEg
Read more: https://dmitrywrites.com

In this episode, I reflect on the fear that appears after we say something honest, share something personal, or let other people see us before we feel completely ready. I talk about social validation, the different versions of ourselves we create to stay accepted, and the thin line between protecting our boundaries and using them as walls.

This is a personal conversation about learning to be honest without becoming cruel, caring about people without putting your identity up for a vote, and allowing yourself to be seen without knowing who will stay.

In this episode, I think about why life can feel wrong even when you did everything right.

This essay started with the reasonable choices, adult voices, jobs, relationships, and years of trying to live correctly. But it became a reflection on what happens when you slowly abandon the things that once made you feel alive. It is about lost direction, borrowed ideas of success, and the uncomfortable realization that a life can work perfectly well without feeling like your own.

This is a personal essay, not advice, therapy, or a scientific explanation.

Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/B0TEXHqihvs

Read more: https://dmitrywrites.com

In this episode, I think about the years we call wasted, and why the past can keep feeling like proof against us.

This essay started with the image of the lotus growing from mud, but it became a reflection on self-punishment, old pain, and the strange need to make suffering mean something without pretending the suffering was good. It is about the past, identity, shame, and the quiet choice not to let pain become your whole name.

This is a personal essay, not advice, therapy, or a scientific explanation.

Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_OrnzQ7soM
Read more: https://dmitrywrites.com

In this episode, I think about why trust can get harder as you get older.

This episode started with the feeling that adult friendship is not only hard because people are busy. It became a reflection on betrayal, distance, self-protection, and the strange moment when healthy boundaries can start becoming a fortress. It is about still wanting connection, but no longer knowing how to meet people with an open door.

This is a personal essay, not advice, therapy, or a scientific explanation.

Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/BHT0T6dCsWI
Read more: https://dmitrywrites.com

In this episode, I think about what ADHD medication can reveal when it helps you focus but does not answer the deeper question of who you are.

This essay started with my own experience of being diagnosed with ADHD, trying methylphenidate, and realizing that medication gave me access to a calmer, more focused version of reality. But the deeper question became more uncomfortable: was I using focus to support the life I actually wanted, or to tolerate a life that never really fit me?

This is a personal essay, not advice, therapy, or a scientific explanation.

Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kh-hX0J3cSU

Read more: https://dmitrywrites.com

In this episode, I think about the uncomfortable possibility that motivation can become fake progress.

This essay started with the feeling that motivational videos, books, and insights can give us the emotion of action without the risk of actually beginning. It became a reflection on preparation, avoidance, weak first attempts, and the strange comfort of staying a person with potential instead of becoming a person who has to face reality.

This is a personal essay, not advice, therapy, or a scientific explanation.

Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/w8DNSZ7Ytds

Read more: https://dmitrywrites.com

In this episode, I think about the possibility that anxiety is not always about the future.

This essay started with my own experience of overthinking, therapy, stuttering, and the feeling that I was preparing for something bad before it happened. But the deeper question became more uncomfortable: what if anxiety is not predicting reality, but rehearsing defeat?

It is about old fear, control, memory, and the strange way the mind can treat past pain as if it is a future warning.

This is a personal essay, not advice, therapy, or a scientific explanation.

Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R1WoHVA6rws

Read more: https://dmitrywrites.com