“Narcissist” has become one of the most overused words in modern relationship spaces—and while the label can sometimes bring relief and validation, it can also quietly freeze growth.

In this Relationship Rant, Christy slows the conversation way down to explore what narcissism actually is, what it isn’t, and why reducing every painful relationship to a single label often keeps people stuck in the very patterns they’re trying to escape.

This episode isn’t about excusing behaviour, denying harm, or blaming anyone.

It’s about understanding patterns—because patterns are where real change happens.

We explore the difference between narcissistic personality disorder and common narcissistic patterns, why these dynamics don’t exist in isolation, how over-responsibility pairs with control, and why labels can feel clarifying while quietly removing agency.

This conversation brings compassion without collapse, responsibility without shame, and a powerful reframe that shifts the focus from diagnosing others to reclaiming choice, self-trust, and balance.

Contact Christy & Additional Resources:

www.coachchristyholt.com

Chapters

00:00 — Why “Narcissist” Has Become the Most Overused Label

How one word has come to explain everything—and why that’s a problem.

01:15 — What Narcissism Is (and Isn’t)

Distinguishing clinical diagnoses from common relational patterns.

03:04 — Why So Many Women Reach for the Narcissist Label

Validation, relief, and the moment a name finally makes sense.

04:42 — Patterns Work in Pairs

Why narcissistic dynamics require a matching pattern to stay alive.

06:20 — Covert vs Overt Narcissistic Patterns

Dominance, victimhood, and the quieter forms of control.

07:07 — Refusal of Responsibility vs Over-Responsibility

Two trauma responses that mirror each other—and keep imbalance in place.

08:08 — The Spectrum of Self

From entitlement to people pleasing, and where health actually lives.

09:27 — Generational Trauma and Relational Templates

How families teach us who adapts, who holds power, and what love requires.

11:07 — Why Labels Keep You Stuck

How certainty can feel safer than complexity—and why it blocks change.

11:39 — How Patterns Actually Begin to Shift

Awareness, interruption, and reclaiming choice without shame.

12:25 — Episode Recap

Clarity without blame—and why freedom comes from honest self-awareness.

🎶 Music Credit:

“Big Adventure” by Paul Yudin | License Code: IFYBJMN4DCRTCSPO

What if support doesn’t require hierarchy?

In this Relationship Rant, Christy names a quiet but pervasive problem in the modern relationship space—the rise of gurus, gender wars, and advice that sounds confident but lacks embodied truth.

This episode explores how much relationship harm doesn’t begin with lies, but with partial truths placed inside hierarchy. When guidance turns into control, when questioning is labeled resistance, and when authority replaces self trust, connection quietly erodes.

Let's unpack why so much online relationship advice comes from content creators rather than people living secure, emotionally mature partnerships, how outrage culture profits from division, and why scripts and tactics never create real intimacy—only the illusion of it.

This isn’t about rejecting growth, accountability, or support.

It’s about reclaiming sovereignty, nuance, and presence in a landscape that rewards extremes over truth.

This episode brings grounded clarity, compassion without collapse, accountability without punishment, and an invitation to stop outsourcing your relational power to voices that thrive on fear and control.

Contact Christy & Additional Resources:

www.coachchristyholt.com

Chapters

00:00 — What If Support Doesn’t Require Hierarchy?

Why Christy refuses the guru role—and what healthy mentorship actually looks like.

02:21 — Why So Many “Relationship Experts” Get It Wrong

How confidence gets mistaken for wisdom in the online relationship space.

03:26 — The Problem With Gurus Who Don’t Live What They Teach

Theory, performance, and why embodied wisdom can’t be faked.

04:19 — When Truth Turns Into Hierarchy

The moment guidance becomes control—and dissent gets labeled resistance.

06:50 — Red Pill, Man-Hating, and the Outrage Economy

How gender war content profits from fear, division, and distrust.

08:31 — When You Learn Scripts Instead of Skills

Why memorized lines don’t create intimacy—and never will.

14:03 — Your Algorithm Is Feeding You a Gender War

How extreme narratives distort dating before connection even begins.

15:37 — Are Men Really From Mars? (Hint: No.)

Why gender differences are mostly conditioning, not destiny.

17:32 — How Gender Roles Distort Modern Connection

Stoic providers, emotional managers, and why everyone ends up frustrated.

18:15 — Compassion + Accountability: What Most Gurus Miss

Why real growth requires both—without hierarchy.

23:28 — Theory vs Embodied Wisdom

Why lived experience matters more than perfect frameworks.

26:24 — Relationship Rant Recap

Reclaiming sovereignty, self trust, and presence in love.

🎶 Music Credit:

“Big Adventure” by Paul Yudin | License Code: IFYBJMN4DCRTCSPO

In this deeply personal Relationship Rant, Christy shares the moment that quietly rewired her understanding of safety, harm, and belonging—not because of what was said, but because of how everyone else responded.

What happens when manipulation is spoken out loud and no one intervenes?

What happens when harm is disguised as humour, spirituality, or “good intentions”?

And what happens inside the body when something isn’t right—but the room treats it like normal?

This episode explores how women are conditioned to mistrust themselves, especially within faith-based and marriage-centered environments that prioritize forgiveness, submission, and appearance over emotional safety and accountability.

We examine how silence in so-called safe spaces communicates more than words, why staying can make perfect sense within certain belief systems, how freeze responses show up before conscious understanding, and why forgiveness without repair keeps people stuck in harm.

This conversation isn’t anti-faith.

It isn’t anti-marriage.

And it isn’t about blaming individuals.

It’s about naming the systems that taught women to swallow truth, override intuition, and call self abandonment love—and what it looks like to finally choose a different kind of safety.

Contact Christy & Additional Resources:

www.coachchristyholt.com

Chapters:

00:00 — Trying to Do Marriage “Right”

Belonging, faith, and the pressure to be a good wife—even when it costs you yourself.

02:09 — A Gentle Content Note Before We Go Deeper

Relationship harm, religion, and how to care for yourself as you listen.

02:53 — The Comment That Changed Everything

When manipulation is spoken out loud and no one intervenes—and why that silence matters.

04:54 — When the Body Knows Before the Mind

Freeze responses, intuition, and the moment something inside goes still.

07:12 — Why Staying Made Sense

Born sinner conditioning, marriage idolization, and the erosion of self trust.

09:27 — We Share to Test for Safety

What silence in “safe spaces” actually communicates about whose comfort matters.

11:35 — Forgiveness Without Repair

Bad advice, prayer as deflection, and the harm of spiritual bypassing.

14:52 — Anger, Purity Culture, and the Submissive Wife

How women were taught to swallow truth, suppress anger, and call it love.

17:11 — “If You Feel Disconnected, Put Out More”

Sexual obligation, consent, and why emotional safety can’t be negotiated.

19:17 — God Is Not an Excuse for Avoiding Accountability

Faith versus responsibility in relationships—and why the two are not opposites.

20:59 — A Different Kind of Safety

Reclaiming self trust, honouring intuition, and refusing self abandonment.

🎶 Music Credit:

“Big Adventure” by Paul Yudin | License Code: IFYBJMN4DCRTCSPO