“Narcissist” has become one of the most overused words in modern relationship spaces—and while the label can sometimes bring relief and validation, it can also quietly freeze growth.

In this Relationship Rant, Christy slows the conversation way down to explore what narcissism actually is, what it isn’t, and why reducing every painful relationship to a single label often keeps people stuck in the very patterns they’re trying to escape.

This episode isn’t about excusing behaviour, denying harm, or blaming anyone.

It’s about understanding patterns—because patterns are where real change happens.

We explore the difference between narcissistic personality disorder and common narcissistic patterns, why these dynamics don’t exist in isolation, how over-responsibility pairs with control, and why labels can feel clarifying while quietly removing agency.

This conversation brings compassion without collapse, responsibility without shame, and a powerful reframe that shifts the focus from diagnosing others to reclaiming choice, self-trust, and balance.

Contact Christy & Additional Resources:

www.coachchristyholt.com

Chapters

00:00 — Why “Narcissist” Has Become the Most Overused Label

How one word has come to explain everything—and why that’s a problem.

01:15 — What Narcissism Is (and Isn’t)

Distinguishing clinical diagnoses from common relational patterns.

03:04 — Why So Many Women Reach for the Narcissist Label

Validation, relief, and the moment a name finally makes sense.

04:42 — Patterns Work in Pairs

Why narcissistic dynamics require a matching pattern to stay alive.

06:20 — Covert vs Overt Narcissistic Patterns

Dominance, victimhood, and the quieter forms of control.

07:07 — Refusal of Responsibility vs Over-Responsibility

Two trauma responses that mirror each other—and keep imbalance in place.

08:08 — The Spectrum of Self

From entitlement to people pleasing, and where health actually lives.

09:27 — Generational Trauma and Relational Templates

How families teach us who adapts, who holds power, and what love requires.

11:07 — Why Labels Keep You Stuck

How certainty can feel safer than complexity—and why it blocks change.

11:39 — How Patterns Actually Begin to Shift

Awareness, interruption, and reclaiming choice without shame.

12:25 — Episode Recap

Clarity without blame—and why freedom comes from honest self-awareness.

🎶 Music Credit:

“Big Adventure” by Paul Yudin | License Code: IFYBJMN4DCRTCSPO