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CPTB is a conversational, funny, and thoughtful take on this week's Bible readings — for preachers, church leaders, deconstructors, and curious listeners who still love scripture, even when they're not sure what to do with it. We explore the text with humor and theological depth, without certainty, outrage, or easy answers.

On this Short Take episode of Comedians with Pastors Talking Bible, we tackle one of the longest Gospel readings in the lectionary — the Woman at the Well.

Jesus meets a stranger at a well, offers her living water, casually recites her entire romantic history, and redefines the nature of worship. She goes and tells everybody. The disciples are astonished that he talked to a woman. Classic Tuesday.

But underneath the length and the strangeness, there's something quietly remarkable happening: a woman with no credentials goes back to her city and says "come and see" — and it's enough.

Why does Jesus sound like he's dropping hints about being famous? What does living water have to do with Peter's drinking problem? And what would Jesus do at a Golden Corral?

"Wave like holy hell and get everybody's attention — then duck, so they see Jesus behind you."

Join Pastor Bob Schaefer, Pastor Eric Damon, and resident comic theologians Abby Evans (@itsabbye) and Erick Williams (@comicaledubs) for a Short Take that's sprawling, funny, and unexpectedly moving.

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John 4:5–42 (NRSVue)

[5] So he came to a Samaritan city called Sychar, near the plot of ground that Jacob had given to his son Joseph. [6] Jacob’s well was there, and Jesus, tired out by his journey, was sitting by the well. It was about noon. [7] A Samaritan woman came to draw water, and Jesus said to her, “Give me a drink.” [8] (His disciples had gone to the city to buy food.) [9] The Samaritan woman said to him, “How is it that you, a Jew, ask a drink of me, a woman of Samaria?” (Jews do not share things in common with Samaritans.) [10] Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.” [11] The woman said to him, “Sir, you have no bucket, and the well is deep. Where do you get that living water? [12] Are you greater than our ancestor Jacob, who gave us the well and with his sons and his flocks drank from it?” [13] Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, [14] but those who drink of the water that I will give them will never be thirsty. The water that I will give will become in them a spring of water gushing up to eternal life.” [15] The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water, so that I may never be thirsty or have to keep coming here to draw water.” [16] Jesus said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come back.” [17] The woman answered him, “I have no husband.” Jesus said to her, “You are right in saying, ‘I have no husband,’ [18] for you have had five husbands, and the one you have now is not y

Hosted by Pastor Eric Damon and Pastor Bob Schaefer.

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Email us at cptbpod@gmail.com.
Find us at @cptbpod on most social media platforms.
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Music: Trickster by Phat Sounds
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/10864-trickster
Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Scripture quotations are taken from the New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition. Copyright © 2021 National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

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In this episode of Comedians with Pastors Talking Bible, Pastors Bob Schaefer and Eric Damon are joined by returning comics Harriet Riley (@harrietrileycomedy) and Lizzie Martin (@lizziemartin) to take on John 3:1–17 — the most famous passage in the Bible, and maybe the hardest one to say something fresh about.

We start with a terrifying blue-eyed Jesus statue, a theological case for inserting Christ into the Dune universe, and Martin Luther's alleged deathbed quote (which we hope is real). Then the conversation gets personal: Lizzie on returning to the Catholic Church after a friend's death, Harriet on what it means to be a "diagnostic Christian," and the question of what you're really looking for when you go looking for God.

When we finally hit the text, we dig into the wordplay Jesus uses to set Nicodemus up, the cultural baggage of "born again," Eric's infamous pulpit act-out (never again), and what it means that Jesus receives a hostile visitor with patience, sass, and real engagement. The episode lands on prayer — gratitude, lament, and whether telling God to get off his ass counts as a psalm. (It does.)

It's Lent. The eyes are watching. Crazy-Eyed Jesus loves the world.

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John 3:1–17 (NRSVue)

[1] Now there was a Pharisee named Nicodemus, a leader of the Jews. [2] He came to Jesus by night and said to him, "Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher who has come from God, for no one can do these signs that you do unless God is with that person." [3] Jesus answered him, "Very truly, I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God without being born from above." [4] Nicodemus said to him, "How can anyone be born after having grown old? Can one enter a second time into the mother's womb and be born?" [5] Jesus answered, "Very truly, I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God without being born of water and Spirit. [6] What is born of the flesh is flesh, and what is born of the Spirit is spirit. [7] Do not be astonished that I said to you, 'You must be born from above.' [8] The wind blows where it chooses, and you hear the sound of it, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit." [9] Nicodemus said to him, "How can these things be?" [10] Jesus answered him, "Are you the teacher of Israel, and yet you do not understand these things? [11] Very truly, I tell you, we speak of what we know and testify to what we have seen, yet you do not receive our testimony. [12] If I have told you about earthly things and you do not believe, how can you believe if I tell you about heavenly things? [13] No one has ascended into heaven except the one who descended from heaven, the Son of Man. [14] And just as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, so must the Son of Man be lifted up, [15] that whoever believes in him may have eternal life. [16] For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life. [17] Indeed, God did not send the Son into

Hosted by Pastor Eric Damon and Pastor Bob Schaefer.

Join the community!
Email us at cptbpod@gmail.com.
Find us at @cptbpod on most social media platforms.
More at linktr.ee/cptbpod

Music: Trickster by Phat Sounds
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/10864-trickster
Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Scripture quotations are taken from the New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition. Copyright © 2021 National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Send a text

CPTB is a conversational, funny, and thoughtful take on this week’s Bible readings — for preachers, church leaders, deconstructors, and curious listeners who still love scripture, even when they’re not sure what to do with it. We explore the text with humor and theological depth, without certainty, outrage, or easy answers.

On this Short Take episode of Comedians with Pastors Talking Bible, we kick off Lent with the Temptation of Jesus in the wilderness.

What voice should the devil have?
What if he sounds suspiciously like Rick Sanchez?

From belching cartoon villains to serious theological stakes, we explore what temptation really is — and why the devil doesn’t tempt Jesus with obviously evil things. Instead, he offers good things… twisted.

Bread.
Proof.
Power.

Why does Jesus say no? And what does that have to do with how we think about prosperity, spectacle, and political control today?

It’s Lent.
The stakes are real.
The devil sounds reasonable.

Join Pastor Bob Schaefer, Pastor Eric Damon, and resident comic theologians Abby Evans (@itsabbye) and Erick Williams (@comicaledubs) for a Short Take that’s irreverent, thoughtful, and maybe just a little dangerous.

Matthew 4:1–11 (NRSVue)

[1] Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tested by the devil. [2] He fasted forty days and forty nights, and afterward he was famished. [3] The tempter came and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread.” [4] But he answered, “It is written, ‘One does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’ ” [5] Then the devil took him to the holy city and placed him on the pinnacle of the temple, [6] saying to him, “If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down, for it is written, ‘He will command his angels concerning you,’ and ‘On their hands they will bear you up, so that you will not dash your foot against a stone.’ ” [7] Jesus said to him, “Again it is written, ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’ ” [8] Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory, [9] and he said to him, “All these I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me.” [10] Then Jesus said to him, “Away with you, Satan! for it is written, ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve only him.’ ” [11] Then the devil left him, and suddenly angels came and waited on him.

Hosted by Pastor Eric Damon and Pastor Bob Schaefer.

Join the community!
Email us at cptbpod@gmail.com.
Find us at @cptbpod on most social media platforms.
More at linktr.ee/cptbpod

Music: Trickster by Phat Sounds
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/10864-trickster
Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Scripture quotations are taken from the New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition. Copyright © 2021 National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.