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Comedians with Pastors Talking Bible: two Lutheran pastors, two comedians, and one lectionary reading per week. Short Take edition.

The king throws a wedding banquet, the invited guests blow him off, and the party ends up filled with whoever the servants can find on the street. Then one guest gets thrown out for the wrong clothes. Pastors Bob Schaefer and Eric Damon sit down in the old Parlor with comedians Abby Evans and Erick Williams to ask what a parable about the kingdom of heaven has to do with barking at strangers to come to your comedy show. It also asks why grace for everyone doesn't mean anything goes.

In this episode:

• The old set gets a last farewell
• Why the Parlor is closing
• A comedy show where the barking-in-the-street method brought in exactly the wrong guest
• Why people who ruin the night for everyone else (hecklers, Broadway sing-alongers) might be the best way into this parable
• The wedding garment question that nobody at the table can answer
• Reading the burned city as an explanation for the Gospel's first audience, not a threat
• Slave, servant, or intern: how to handle the translation problem
• Erick finds his name in a truck decal

"Even after the grace has extended to everybody, I'm not going to let the experience be ruined for everyone that I invited." (Pastor Eric Damon)

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Matthew 22:1–14 (NRSVue)

[1] Once more Jesus spoke to them in parables, saying: [2] “The kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who gave a wedding banquet for his son. [3] He sent his slaves to call those who had been invited to the wedding banquet, but they would not come. [4] Again he sent other slaves, saying, ‘Tell those who have been invited: Look, I have prepared my dinner, my oxen and my fat calves have been slaughtered, and everything is ready; come to the wedding banquet.’ [5] But they made light of it and went away, one to his farm, another to his business, [6] while the rest seized his slaves, mistreated them, and killed them. [7] The king was enraged. He sent his troops, destroyed those murderers, and burned their city. [8] Then he said to his slaves, ‘The wedding is ready, but those invited were not worthy. [9] Go therefore into the main streets, and invite everyone you find to the wedding banquet.’ [10] Those slaves went out into the streets and gathered all whom they found, both good and bad, so the wedding hall was filled with guests. [11] “But when the king came in to see the guests, he noticed a man there who was not wearing a wedding robe, [12] and he said to him, ‘Friend, how did you get in here without a wedding robe?’ And he was speechless. [13] Then the king said to the attendants, ‘Bind him hand and foot, and throw him into the outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’ [14] For many are called, but few are chosen.”

Hosted by Pastor Eric Damon and Pastor Bob Schaefer.

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Music: Trickster by Phat Sounds
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/10864-trickster
Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Scripture quotations are taken from the New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition. Copyright © 2021 National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

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On this Short Take episode of Comedians with Pastors Talking Bible, Jesus tells a parable about tenants who kill everyone the landowner sends, right down to his son. And the chief priests listening realize, one by one, that he's talking about them.

Are we the baddies?

It's one of the hardest texts in the lectionary to preach well, and one of the easiest to misuse. So we take it slowly: who the parable is actually aimed at, what kind of landlord keeps sending people to their deaths, and whether there's any good news in here at all. Turns out there is, and a comedian finds it.

Join Pastor Bob Schaefer, Pastor Eric Damon, and resident comic theologians Abby Evans (@itsabbye) and Erick Williams (@comicaledubs).

Expect:

• Why this parable isn't a verdict on "the Jews," and why supersessionism is a heresy
• Matthew as an argument inside a family, and what happens when insider material reaches outside ears (with an assist from Chris Rock)
• A landlord who responds to murder by sending more people, then his son. Has God lost touch with reality, or is that just what persistence looks like?
• The tenants' inheritance plan, and why "kill everyone and take their stuff" is an awfully familiar strategy
• A reading of the parable that pushes back on penal substitutionary atonement
• Good news that sounds like bad news, depending on which ears you have to hear it

Also featuring: Hey-Zeus, Yellowjackets season two, the 1900s as a single year, a glittery finger keepsake, and Jesus as the kid in Pet Sematary.

"Even the powerful will fear the crowd."
— Erick Williams, finding the good news

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Matthew 21:33–46 (NRSVue)

[33] “Listen to another parable. There was a landowner who planted a vineyard, put a fence around it, dug a winepress in it, and built a watchtower. Then he leased it to tenants and went away. [34] When the harvest time had come, he sent his slaves to the tenants to collect his produce. [35] But the tenants seized his slaves and beat one, killed another, and stoned another. [36] Again he sent other slaves, more than the first, and they treated them in the same way. [37] Then he sent his son to them, saying, ‘They will respect my son.’ [38] But when the tenants saw the son, they said to themselves, ‘This is the heir; come, let us kill him and get his inheritance.’ [39] So they seized him, threw him out of the vineyard, and killed him. [40] Now when the owner of the vineyard comes, what will he do to those tenants?” [41] They said to him, “He will put those wretches to a miserable death and lease the vineyard to other tenants who will give him the produce at the harvest time.” [42] Jesus said to them, “Have you never read in the scriptures: ‘The stone that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone; this was the Lord’s doing, and it is amazing in our eyes’? [43] “Therefore I tell you, the kingdom of God will be taken away from you and given to a people that produces its fruits. [44] The one who falls on this stone will be broken to pieces, and it will crush anyone on whom it falls.” [45] When the chief priests and the Pharisees heard his parables, they realized that he was speaking about them. [46] They wanted to arrest him, but they feared the crowds, because they regarded him as a prophet.

Hosted by Pastor Eric Damon and Pastor Bob Schaefer.

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Music: Trickster by Phat Sounds
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/10864-trickster
Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Scripture quotations are taken from the New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition. Copyright © 2021 National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

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Vinny Palatucci and Paulie Stags are back, and this time they're bringing their whole Catholic-school baggage with them. What starts as a bit about purgatory ("David Lynch meets jury duty") turns into one of the more theologically honest conversations we've had all season — about fear-based faith, the freedom to actually use your brain, and what it means when someone changes their mind after saying no.

Expect:

• Vinny and Paulie's Catholic upbringing, purgatory dread, and the slow migration toward Aquinas, the Franciscans, and "big brain" theology
• A genuine detour into the Book of Job and why theology goes sideways when it tells people their own lived experience isn't real
• A CPTB first: Vinny reads the Gospel text cold, live, on mic
• Bob's C.S. Lewis/Narnia riff on judgment as self-judgment, not divine punishment
• A hard look at who Jesus is actually eating with — tax collectors, prostitutes, and why that got him killed
• A seminary flashback to two professors publicly disagreeing about universal salvation ("we all got drunk")

It is not in any way, shape or form, doctrinally correct." — Eric, immediately after landing his own best theological point of the episode

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Matthew 21:23–32 (NRSVue)

[23] When he entered the temple, the chief priests and the elders of the people came to him as he was teaching and said, “By what authority are you doing these things, and who gave you this authority?” [24] Jesus said to them, “I will also ask you one question; if you tell me the answer, then I will also tell you by what authority I do these things. [25] Did the baptism of John come from heaven, or was it of human origin?” And they argued with one another, “If we say, ‘From heaven,’ he will say to us, ‘Why, then, did you not believe him?’ [26] But if we say, ‘Of human origin,’ we are afraid of the crowd, for all regard John as a prophet.” [27] So they answered Jesus, “We do not know.” And he said to them, “Neither will I tell you by what authority I am doing these things. [28] “What do you think? A man had two sons; he went to the first and said, ‘Son, go and work in the vineyard today.’ [29] He answered, ‘I will not,’ but later he changed his mind and went. [30] The father went to the second and said the same, and he answered, ‘I go, sir,’ but he did not go. [31] Which of the two did the will of his father?” They said, “The first.” Jesus said to them, “Truly I tell you, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are going into the kingdom of God ahead of you. [32] For John came to you in the way of righteousness, and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors and the prostitutes believed him, and even after you saw it you did not change your minds and believe him.

Hosted by Pastor Eric Damon and Pastor Bob Schaefer.

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Email us at cptbpod@gmail.com.
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Music: Trickster by Phat Sounds
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/10864-trickster
Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Scripture quotations are taken from the New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition. Copyright © 2021 National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

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Bob and Eric are joined by resident comic theologians Abby Evans and Eric Williams for a Short Take on Matthew 20's Parable of the Workers in the Vineyard — the one where the guy who worked one hour gets paid the same as the guy who worked all day, and everybody in the pews secretly thinks Jesus is wrong.

This week: why a "fair" wage and a "generous" wage might be the same denarius wearing different hats, how this parable doubles as an anti–prosperity-gospel and student-loan-forgiveness allegory, and a genuinely divided debate over whether public figures who seem to be changing their tune deserve the benefit of the doubt — or just a longer memory.

Also featuring: the Holy Spirit as a farmer's last stand against a tornado, the theological limits of stand-your-ground, and an update on Abby's sourdough starter, Dophilia, who is definitely still alive.

Abby Evans will be roasting Stephen King (as Annie Wilkes) at Mr. Small's Fun House on Friday, October 23rd — follow her @itsabbye for details. Follow Eric Williams @comicalleadubs.

Follow the show @CPTBpod.

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Matthew 20:1–16 (NRSVue)

[1] “For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire laborers for his vineyard. [2] After agreeing with the laborers for a denarius for the day, he sent them into his vineyard. [3] When he went out about nine o’clock, he saw others standing idle in the marketplace, [4] and he said to them, ‘You also go into the vineyard, and I will pay you whatever is right.’ So they went. [5] When he went out again about noon and about three o’clock, he did the same. [6] And about five o’clock he went out and found others standing around, and he said to them, ‘Why are you standing here idle all day?’ [7] They said to him, ‘Because no one has hired us.’ He said to them, ‘You also go into the vineyard.’ [8] When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his manager, ‘Call the laborers and give them their pay, beginning with the last and then going to the first.’ [9] When those hired about five o’clock came, each of them received a denarius. [10] Now when the first came, they thought they would receive more; but each of them also received a denarius. [11] And when they received it, they grumbled against the landowner, [12] saying, ‘These last worked only one hour, and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the day and the scorching heat.’ [13] But he replied to one of them, ‘Friend, I am doing you no wrong; did you not agree with me for a denarius? [14] Take what belongs to you and go; I choose to give to this last the same as I give to you. [15] Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? Or are you envious because I am generous?’ [16] So the last will be first, and the first will be last.”

Hosted by Pastor Eric Damon and Pastor Bob Schaefer.

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Music: Trickster by Phat Sounds
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/10864-trickster
Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Scripture quotations are taken from the New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition. Copyright © 2021 National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

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Comedians with Pastors Talking Bible pairs Pittsburgh standup comedians with Lutheran pastors to read the week's lectionary gospel cold — no prep, no scripts — and see what happens when comedic instinct meets biblical text.

Episode hook:
This week, pastors Bob Schaefer and Eric Damon sit down with Pittsburgh comedians Vinny Palatucci and Paulie Stags — two lapsed Italian Catholics with strong opinions about rosaries, communion wine, and the eligibility requirements for Pope — to tackle Jesus's parable of the unforgiving servant.

Highlights:

• A wide-ranging detour through Catholic upbringing: CCD, rosaries on road trips, and why nobody's quite sure if they're still "practicing"
• Vinny and Paulie unpack why leaving the church is complicated even when the message still landed
• The math behind the parable's staggering debt figures — and what it says about the character lending the money in the first place
• A close read of "77 times" as hyperbole, not an actual forgiveness quota
• Different translations of the Lord's Prayer (trespasses vs. debts vs. sins) and what nuance gets lost or gained
• Whether Eric is still technically eligible for the papacy (he has thoughts)

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"There's more jokes in this book than people give it credit for."

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Matthew 18:21–35 (NRSVue)

[21] Then Peter came and said to him, “Lord, if my brother or sister sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?” [22] Jesus said to him, “Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times. [23] “For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. [24] When he began the reckoning, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him, [25] and, as he could not pay, the lord ordered him to be sold, together with his wife and children and all his possessions and payment to be made. [26] So the slave fell on his knees before him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ [27] And out of pity for him, the lord of that slave released him and forgave him the debt. [28] But that same slave, as he went out, came upon one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him by the throat he said, ‘Pay what you owe.’ [29] Then his fellow slave fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ [30] But he refused; then he went and threw him into prison until he would pay the debt. [31] When his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their lord all that had taken place. [32] Then his lord summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked slave! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. [33] Should you not have had mercy on your fellow slave, as I had mercy on you?’ [34] And in anger his lord handed him over to be tortured until he would pay his entire debt. [35] So my heavenly Father will also do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

Hosted by Pastor Eric Damon and Pastor Bob Schaefer.

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Email us at cptbpod@gmail.com.
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Music: Trickster by Phat Sounds
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/10864-trickster
Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Scripture quotations are taken from the New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition. Copyright © 2021 National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

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Comedians with Pastors Talking Bible — Pittsburgh standup comics read the week's gospel text cold and talk it out with a couple of Lutheran pastors. It should go badly. It somehow keeps not going badly.

This week Abby Evans and Erick Williams tackle Jesus's step-by-step guide to confronting someone who's wronged you — and end up asking the harder question: what do you do when the institution itself is the one doing the harming?

Also in this episode:

• Jesus, apparently, runs a tight bringer show
• A scientifically rigorous (seventh grade science fair-tested) angels-on-a-pin headcount
• Are we eschatologically done, or just scatologically done? Yes.

"Talk about things when they're pebbles and not yet stones." — Erick Williams

A quick note from Pastor Bob: This one's coming at you a little scrappier than usual — Good Shepherd is in the middle of an actual physical move this week, and it turns out Matthew 18 has no verses covering "what to do when a stack of moving boxes refuses to listen no matter how many witnesses you bring." Grace over timeliness this week, friends.

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Matthew 18:15–20 (NRSVue)

[15] “If your brother or sister sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If you are listened to, you have regained that one. [16] But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. [17] If that person refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church, and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a gentile and a tax collector. [18] Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. [19] Again, truly I tell you, if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. [20] For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.”

Hosted by Pastor Eric Damon and Pastor Bob Schaefer.

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Email us at cptbpod@gmail.com.
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Music: Trickster by Phat Sounds
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/10864-trickster
Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Scripture quotations are taken from the New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition. Copyright © 2021 National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

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Bob and Eric welcome back comedian Lydia Henninger and drag performer Envy Sinn to talk about the moment Jesus tells Peter to get behind him — and figure out he's not mad, just disappointed.

This week's gospel (Matthew 16:21-28) has Peter going from golden child to "Satan" in the space of one verse, and the crew digs into what actually earned him the demotion. Plus:

• A cold open you'll wish you could unhear (ask Bob about his childhood pencil thief)
• Drag performance vs. stand-up: which one requires being blackout drunk?
• QR codes declared the mark of the beast
• An extended, unprompted legal defense of Fred Rogers's honor
• A surprisingly tender detour into what it means to say goodbye to a church building

(Keep an eye on the YT thumbnail for our Sacred Heart of Not Mad, Just Disappointed.)

Matthew 16:21–28 (NRSVue)

[21] From that time on, Jesus began to show his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and undergo great suffering at the hands of the elders and chief priests and scribes and be killed and on the third day be raised. [22] And Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him, saying, “God forbid it, Lord! This must never happen to you.” [23] But he turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a hindrance to me, for you are setting your mind not on divine things but on human things.” [24] Then Jesus told his disciples, “If any wish to come after me, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. [25] For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it. [26] For what will it profit them if they gain the whole world but forfeit their life? Or what will they give in return for their life? [27] “For the Son of Man is to come with his angels in the glory of his Father, and then he will repay everyone for what has been done. [28] Truly I tell you, there are some standing here who will not taste death before they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom.”

Hosted by Pastor Eric Damon and Pastor Bob Schaefer.

Join the community!
Email us at cptbpod@gmail.com.
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Music: Trickster by Phat Sounds
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/10864-trickster
Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Scripture quotations are taken from the New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition. Copyright © 2021 National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

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Comedians with Pastors Talking Bible pairs Pittsburgh standup comedians with actual pastors to argue about the lectionary gospel — and the comedians usually turn out to be the serious ones.

It's a Short Take this week: Resident Comic Theologians Abby Evans (@itsabbye) and Erick Williams (@comicaledubs) join Bob and Eric to unpack Peter's confession at Caesarea Philippi — the gap between "who do people say that I am" and "who do you say that I am" — and what Jesus actually meant by handing the church the power to bind and loose.

• Evil-twin gaslighting over who's really Abby and who's really Eric
• Hades, Gehenna, and Sheol — why Jesus' vocabulary for "the bad place" is more specific than most English translations let on
• Molech, mass graves, and the pagan gods the Bible casually name-drops
• A whole subgenre of movies you didn't know existed: Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter
• The Supreme Court gets dragged into a conversation about ecclesial authority
• Figuring out, with the help of The Good Place, whether Peter just skipped a grade

"Peter's the who's-on-first of the Bible."

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Matthew 16:13–20 (NRSVue)

[13] Now when Jesus came into the district of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, “Who do people say that the Son of Man is?” [14] And they said, “Some say John the Baptist but others Elijah and still others Jeremiah or one of the prophets.” [15] He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” [16] Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.” [17] And Jesus answered him, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you but my Father in heaven. [18] And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not prevail against it. [19] I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.” [20] Then he sternly ordered the disciples not to tell anyone that he was the Messiah.

Hosted by Pastor Eric Damon and Pastor Bob Schaefer.

Join the community!
Email us at cptbpod@gmail.com.
Find us at @cptbpod on most social media platforms.
More at linktr.ee/cptbpod

Music: Trickster by Phat Sounds
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/10864-trickster
Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Scripture quotations are taken from the New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition. Copyright © 2021 National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.