There’s a version of love many of us were trained into: the kind you earn. Be agreeable, be impressive, don’t need too much, don’t make waves. When belonging becomes conditional, love becomes performance, and shame becomes the inner enforcer that keeps you “good,” useful, and exhausted.

In Episode 2, Vanessa Bennett, LMFT explores how conditional belonging turns intimacy into obedience and management, why being “low maintenance” is often a survival strategy, and how over-attunement (often mislabeled as being an “empath”) can be a trauma response rooted in vigilance. You’ll learn the difference between healthy empathy vs trauma empathy, how to spot the somatic signs you’re performing safety, and two experiments to move from performance to presence: the pause and one honest sentence.

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Explore: VanessaBennett.com

Book: The Motherhood Myth

Community: Inner Compass Collective

Training: Inner Compass Academy

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Most of us were raised inside an invisible contract: if you try hard enough, improve yourself enough, and play your role well enough, you’ll be loved, safe, and chosen. So we become diligent students of “better.” Better habits. Better productivity. Better mindset. Better communication.

But when that contract stops working, it’s not a personal failure. It’s often the psyche refusing to keep participating. In Episode 1, Vanessa Bennett, LMFT explores the difference between growth and self-optimization as a survival strategy, how people-pleasing and overfunctioning once kept you attached, and why your anxiety, burnout, or identity unraveling may be a threshold into something more honest. You’ll leave with prompts and one “micro-moment” practice to start rebuilding an inner compass you can trust.

If this landed, follow the show, share it, and leave a rating or review.

Additional Resources

Explore: VanessaBennett.com

Book: The Motherhood Myth

Community: Inner Compass Collective

Training: Inner Compass Academy

Connect with Inner Compass

Follow on Instagram

Connect with Vanessa Bennett:

Follow on Instagram

Follow on TikTok

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Inner Compass is a depth psychology and relationships podcast with Vanessa Bennett, LMFT, for people who are tired of self-improvement that leaves their lives unchanged.

Each episode explores codependency, attachment, boundaries, intimacy, shame, desire, resentment, and nervous system patterns - alongside the cultural myths shaping love, worth, womanhood, and power.

Grounded, direct, and reflective, Inner Compass bridges depth psychology, lived experience, and cultural analysis without reducing healing to “tools and tips.” This is a space for honest inquiry, not performance - and for rebuilding an inner compass you can actually trust.

Follow the show to receive new episodes weekly.

For educational purposes only. This podcast is not therapy.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.