Your phone buzzes with a request and you say “sure” before you even feel your own reaction. If you’re divorcing or rebuilding after divorce, that automatic yes can look like being helpful, but it often hides panic, guilt, and years of conditioning to keep everyone else comfortable. Today I'm sharing one easy sentence that I learned from my mentor, Bea Albina, that will instantly slow the moment down so you can stop self-abandoning and start trusting yourself again.

I first briefly talk about why people pleasing shows up as a reflex, not a character flaw, and how expectations in co-parenting and at work can pressure women into taking on tasks they don’t actually want. You’ll hear a simple approach to creating breathing room between the ask and the answer, without over-explaining or defending yourself.

Then I'll walk through a quick self-check that helps you find your real yes, your real no, or a partial yes that fits your life. I use concrete examples like an ex asking for a weekend swap or a coworker asking you to cover, and explain how to handle pushback with calm, grounded language. If you want stronger boundaries, less resentment, and more self-trust after divorce, this is a small tool with a big payoff.

If this helps, subscribe, share it with a friend who over-gives, and leave a rating and review so more women can find the support they need.

To download your FREE "Becoming You Again Podcast Map" click here.

To schedule your complimentary consult with Karin click here.

Struggling after divorce to get to know yourself? Click here to grab my $7 guide to get started!

If this podcast resonated with you in any way, please take a minute to follow and give me a rating wherever you listen to podcasts.

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DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR EDUCATIONAL, INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND ARE NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING PSYCHOLOGICAL, COUNSELING OR PROFESSIONAL HEALTHCARE ADVICE.

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You're ready to start dating after divorce. You join the dating apps, you start to read profiles and immediately feel lost. You start to question, is this normal? Is he for real? Maybe he's too good to be true? Or are they all like this? Then you start to question yourself instead. Maybe I'm being too picky. Maybe I'm the problem. Maybe I should give him a chance. Then you think, maybe I should just give up altogether...

For the final episode of my dating, love, and intimacy series, I'm joined by Dr. Jennie Young, professor of rhetoric, creator of the Burned Haystack Dating Method, and author of Burn the Haystack: Decode Dating, Torch the Duds, and Make Room for Men Who Matter. Jennie studies how people reveal what they believe through the words they choose, usually without realizing it. She has turned that into an online Facebook community of over 295,000 women.

If you're opening the dating apps for the first time since your divorce (or for the first time ever), this conversation is your field guide.

In this episode:

• Why "burn the haystack" is the opposite of the "it's a numbers game" advice we've all been given
• Why instant, electric chemistry may be your nervous system registering fear, not love
• Why feeling nothing on a first date doesn't mean something's wrong
• Block to burn, and why you should treat dating like a job search
• Red-flag patterns to decode, including disciplinary directive (yes, even "let's grab coffee") and trad-wife code words
• The profiles that look good if you're coming out of a hard marriage: "my kids come first," "looking for my peace," and "the final piece of the puzzle," and what they're really saying
• How her method slows your intuition down enough that you can trust it
• Green flags, and real hope for finding love later in life

To skip right to the interview go to 3:37 time code.

Connect with Jennie
Website: https://jennieyoung.com
Substack: https://burnedhaystack.substack.com (everything is free to read)
Instagram: @wordcasescenario
Facebook: search "Burned Haystack Dating Method" and join the largest group. That's the real one.
Get the book

To download your FREE "Becoming You Again Podcast Map" click here.

To schedule your complimentary consult with Karin click here.

Struggling after divorce to get to know yourself? Click here to grab my $7 guide to get started!

If this podcast resonated with you in any way, please take a minute to follow and give me a rating wherever you listen to podcasts.

======================================

DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR EDUCATIONAL, INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND ARE NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING PSYCHOLOGICAL, COUNSELING OR PROFESSIONAL HEALTHCARE ADVICE.

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“Good in bed” sounds flattering until you notice what it’s really measuring. We’ve all heard it used like a performance review: skilled, enthusiastic, attentive and focused on someone else’s experience. But what do we call a woman who is obviously having a great time, who is fully enjoying her own body? The fact that we don’t even have easy words for that says a lot about how women’s pleasure has been treated, especially when you’re dating after divorce and trying to trust yourself again.

In this episode I dig into why wanting more can feel uncomfortable or even “wrong,” and how many of us learned to equate self-denial with being a good woman. I talk a little tiny bit of the science of female anatomy but more about the history of the science of the clitoris as this human body part was largely left unlabeled or omitted in major anatomy resources for decades, shaping what gets taught, studied, and prioritized. We also look at the orgasm gap and the research that points to scripts and habits, not “complicated bodies,” including what actually predicts orgasm for women.

Finally, we talk about receiving. If compliments, help, or attention feel like something you have to repay, that pattern shows up in intimacy too. I share a simple permission practice you can start this week plus journal questions to help you reconnect with desire in a grounded, shame-free way. If this hits home, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs it, and leave a review wherever you listen.

Citations:

Elise Loehnen, On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to Be Good (2023). https://www.eliseloehnen.com/blog/on-our-best-behavior

Orgasm gap — Frederick, D. A., St John, H. K., Garcia, J. R., & Lloyd, E. A. (2018). "Differences in Orgasm Frequency Among Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Heterosexual Men and Women in a U.S. National Sample." https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28213723/

O’Connell, H. E., Sanjeevan, K. V., & Hutson, J. M. (2005). "Anatomy of the Clitoris." Journal of Urology. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16145367/

Laurie Mintz, Becoming Cliterate - coined the popular framing of the "orgasm gap" .

To download your FREE "Becoming You Again Podcast Map" click here.

To schedule your complimentary consult with Karin click here.

Struggling after divorce to get to know yourself? Click here to grab my $7 guide to get started!

If this podcast resonated with you in any way, please take a minute to follow and give me a rating wherever you listen to podcasts.

======================================

DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR EDUCATIONAL, INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND ARE NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING PSYCHOLOGICAL, COUNSELING OR PROFESSIONAL HEALTHCARE ADVICE.

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