This episode explores how the first three minutes of a hard conversation predict how it will end, and how our nervous systems and attachment needs often drive harsh openings that are really desperate bids for connection. Drawing from Gottman Method research and Emotion-Focused Therapy, Angela offers practical, real-life language shifts to help you bring up hard topics with respect, appreciation, and emotional safety, even when you’re tired, resentful, or feeling unseen.

Relationship Reset Challenge

The 60-Second Start-Up Pause

Before you bring up a concern this week, pause for one minute. Ask yourself: “What am I really feeling underneath this frustration?” and “What do I actually need right now?” Then remove blanket generalizations like “You always” and start with a moment of appreciation before naming the issue. For example: “I really appreciate how much you do for our family. There’s something on my heart I’d like to talk about.” No perfection required — just intention.

Resources Mentioned

• Arms Open Counselling resources and blog posts: www.armsopencounselling.com

Connect with Us

If today’s episode resonated with you, share it with a partner or friend! Follow @ArmsOpenCounselling on Instagram and Facebook for more relationship wisdom, behind-the-scenes therapy insights, and heart-centered tips.

Presented by: Angela Kingma

Edited by: Tayte McHugh

What if the strength of your relationship isn’t built in the big moments — but in the small ones you barely notice? In this episode, Angela explores the power of “turning toward” your partner through everyday micro-moments of connection. Drawing from the Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), this conversation breaks down what bids for connection look like in real life, why they matter so deeply, and how tiny, intentional responses can rebuild closeness, trust, and emotional safety over time.

Relationship Reset Challenge

This week, practice turning toward intentionally: Notice one bid for connection each day and respond with presence — a look, a question, a touch, or a few moments of attention. At the end of the day, reflect: Did I turn toward love today?

Resources Mentioned

• Gottman: gottman.com/blog/turn-toward-instead-of-away/
• The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (John Gottman)
• Hold Me Tight + drsuejohnson.com
• gottman.com/couples/
• Arms Open Counselling resources and blog posts: www.armsopencounselling.com

Connect with Us

If today’s episode resonated with you, share it with a partner or friend! Follow @ArmsOpenCounselling on Instagram and Facebook for more relationship wisdom, behind-the-scenes therapy insights, and heart-centered tips.

Presented by: Angela Kingma

Edited by: Tayte McHugh

Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling — they show up in every relationship at some point. In this episode, Angela breaks down what these “Four Horsemen” actually look and sound like in everyday life, why they happen, and the small, simple shifts couples can make to create more connection and less conflict. This is a practical, judgment-free guide to recognizing harmful patterns early and choosing healthier communication that feels good for both partners.

Relationship Reset Challenge

Choose one Horseman you fall into most often and practice its antidote every day for the next week:

• Criticism → Gentle startup
• Contempt → One daily appreciation
• Defensiveness → Own 2%
• Stonewalling → Take a break with a return time

Resources Mentioned

• John & Julie Gottman – The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
• Arms Open Counselling resources and blog posts: www.armsopencounselling.com

Connect with Us

If today’s episode resonated with you, share it with a partner or friend! Follow @ArmsOpenCounselling on Instagram and Facebook for more relationship wisdom, behind-the-scenes therapy insights, and heart-centered tips.

Presented by: Angela Kingma

Edited by: Tayte McHugh