On The Real Housewives of Miami, tensions ran so high that the girls’ weekend on the high seas had to happen on two separate yachts! Stephanie thoroughly grossed us out by delighting in designing a separate entrance for her castle staff. Adriana got the drunkest but was also the right-est about the Julia/Guerdy drama. And Dr. Nicole was back on the call sheet and we want more! Time to have one (bottle of) champagne, yell incessantly about dry-ass, wrinkled old knees, and tune into this week’s A Therapeutic Dose!

The Real Housewives of Miami took Karamo’s instruction to heart and gave us an episode where Julia & Guerdy continued their old fight, Stephanie & Alexia started a new fight, and Ramona & Margee fought ABOUT these fights! With the exception of some moments of sweet reprieve with Tias, kids, goats, and donuts, it was mostly mayhem in Miami. So time to grab a drink from the Rolls‘ center console, tally up that Cosmic Scoreboard, and tune into this week’s A Therapeutic Dose!

Ever wonder what it would look like if Villa Rosa and Casa Bonita had a baby? Well, the Real Housewives of Miami took us there for Alexia’s Narcissist Party that was about Todd, but then not at all about Todd, and eventually just became all about Lisa, as “self-help expert”/”hocus pocus TikToker” Daniel faded into the greenery. We voted Guerdy and Russell Best Couple and Stephanie and her dad, Worst Nightmares. Time to put on your finest footwear in case your feet wind up on camera in a bathroom stall, and tune into this week’s A Therapeutic Dose!

On the Real Housewives of Miami, Lisa is inexcusably late… again. And then she’s inexcusably awful, as usual. Stephanie redeems herself from her lame storyline this episode by taking Lisa to the mat for being a disrespectful dumbass. Guerdy gives up on Julia, as do we all. And Alexia prepares to host a Mirror, Mirror On The Internalized-Misogyny party! Time to tie on a toga, count your coconuts, and tune in to this week’s A Therapeutic Dose!

On The Real Housewives of Miami, Guerdy may have decorated for Halloween, but Julia is the resident ghoul-ia. Lisa’s dad has been buried, but her daddy issues remain very much above ground. Kiki is solid gold, Stephanie insists she’s not a gold digger, and Alexia is sleeping with trash. Time to gag on a diaper, crawl into bed with a migraine/Todd, and tune in to this week’s A Therapeutic Dose!

On The Real Housewives of Miami, Preston gracefully sets boundaries, and Larsa tramples all over them. Guerdy investigates reconstructive options for her body, while Alexia explores every destructive relationship option with Todd. And it seems maybe Jody got neck deep in “AC” in Milan? Time to put on some satin pants with no undies, take a shot of sake from a small wooden box, and tune in to this week’s A Therapeutic Dose!

The Real Housewives of Miami supersized every second of their supersized premiere! Julia & Martina are new parents! Larsa & Marcus are over. And Alexia & Todd are divorcing… but are also still married, and also secretly dating? Soooo… yeah. Jody’s birthday party tried to tell us “The Meat Made Me Do It,” but Ramona & Margee think the drama might be more a result of daddy issues, dated belief systems, with a side of internalized misogyny. Time to get “cozy” in a 6,000 square foot space, do some rich people sh*t and take a bone marrow shot, check the “AC,” and tune in to this week’s A Therapeutic Dose!

It’s only our second ever GUEST-PISODE!! Ramona’s partner in marriage, parenthood, and (most importantly?) her partner in Bravo TV watching, JOSH HIGGINS, joins us to talk through part two of the Summer House reunion! There is consensus that - at least through a therapy-informed lens - Carl rules, Kyle’s a fool, Jesse’s a tool, and Craig is the worst. Also, could the time be coming for Amanda to take a page from Paige’s book and venture away from a partner who cares more about canned spritzers than connection? Time to serve up your first pancake with pride, throw back an adult beverage from a baby bottle, and tune in to this week’s A Therapeutic Dose!