K-9 Cop: Case #1 - The Dreck Report

Hey buddy, I need to tell you my own story since this author lady is always trying to pull a fast one on me. She puts me through the ringer with all these twists and turns. Not a nice gal if you ask me. Let me introduce myself, my name is Spencer Watley and I'm a Lieutenant at the Seattle Police Department. Well, I guess not anymore. You see some Cyber killers did me in and I landed before the gates of heaven. I was knockin' but the door wouldn't open. An angel standin' there told me no way am I going in. What, you must be mistaken I says, what's my room number? I think to myself, here I am a great cop, donno know how many scumbags and lowlifes I put in the slammer. Don't that count for nothin'? The angel wasn't listening, she just told me I was jerk and insensitive to boot. Do you believe that, a jerk? She said I had to go through the J.R.P. if I ever wanted to enter. The J.R.P I asked, what the heck is that? It's the Jerk Redemption Program said the angel. That's non-stop Oprah and Dr. Phil reruns, then she pokes my chest to make her point. "That'll make you nice and sensitive, Jerkwad." I shivered and tried to hold in my lunch at the thought. Can you imagine that? I can't stand all that mushy touchy feely stuff. But the angel had something else up her sleeve. The other option she gave me was, I could help a young kid and his dysfunctional family. Hey, that sounds way better I says. And just as she's sendin' me back down to earth she pulls this zinger on me. I can only go back in the body of my K-9 partner. Well, I just said forget it, I ain't becoming no dog. But the angel wouldn't listen. So here I am a stupid dog. And the teenager I'm trying to help is a smart-mouthed know-it-all puber who's grouchier than I am. You think this is bad, wait till you read the rest, it gets even worse. I dare you to listen to my story. Woof.