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It Didn't Start with You

How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle
Lu par : Mark Wolynn
Durée : 8 h et 16 min
4.5 out of 5 stars (2 notations)

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Description

A groundbreaking approach to transforming traumatic legacies passed down in families over generations, by an acclaimed expert in the field. 

Depression. Anxiety. Chronic Pain. Phobias. Obsessive thoughts. The evidence is compelling: the roots of these difficulties may not reside in our immediate life experiences or in chemical imbalances in our brains - but in the lives of our parents, grandparents, and even great-grandparents. The latest scientific research, now making headlines, supports what many have long intuited: that traumatic experience can be passed down through generations. 

It Didn't Start with You builds on the work of leading experts in post-traumatic stress, including Mount Sinai School of Medicine neuroscientist Rachel Yehuda and psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score. Even if the person who suffered the original trauma has died or the story has been forgotten or silenced, memory and feelings can live on. These emotional legacies are often hidden, encoded in everything from gene expression to everyday language, and they play a far greater role in our emotional and physical health than has ever before been understood. 

As a pioneer in the field of inherited family trauma, Mark Wolynn has worked with individuals and groups on a therapeutic level for over 20 years. It Didn't Start with You offers a pragmatic and prescriptive guide to his method, the Core Language Approach. Diagnostic self-inventories provide a way to uncover the fears and anxieties conveyed through everyday words, behaviors, and physical symptoms. Techniques for developing a genogram or extended family tree create a map of experiences going back through the generations. And visualization, active imagination, and direct dialogue create pathways to reconnection, integration, and reclaiming life and health. It Didn't Start With You is a transformative approach to resolving longstanding difficulties that, in many cases, traditional therapy, drugs, or other interventions have not had the capacity to touch. 

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.

©2016 Mark Wolynn (P)2016 Penguin Audio

Commentaires

"Mark Wolynn does a masterful job of illuminating the ways in which our ancestors' unresolved suffering, often unknown to us, disables us and binds us painfully to them. He gives us the tools and skills - an approach that combines understanding, imaginative dialogues, and compassionate reconnection - to free and heal ourselves." (James S. Gordon, MD, author of Unstuck: Your Guide to the Seven-Stage Journey out of Depression)
" It Didn't Start with You takes us a big step forward, advancing the fields of trauma therapy, mindfulness applications, and human understanding. It is a bold, creative, and compassionate work." (Sharon Salzberg, author of Lovingkindness and Real Happiness)
"This groundbreaking book offers a compelling understanding of inherited trauma and fresh, powerful tools for relieving its suffering. Mark Wolynn is a wise and trustworthy guide on the journey toward healing." (Tara Brach, PhD, author of Radical Acceptance and True Refuge)
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Notations
Global
  • 4.5 out of 5 stars
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Interprétation
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Histoire
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Il n'y a pas encore de critique disponible pour ce titre.
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  • Global
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Interprétation
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Histoire
    3 out of 5 stars
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  • Schmonka
  • 03/02/2017

Not audible friendly, get written version

Not good as an audible book because every five out ten minutes he's telling you to stop the book until you do the written exercise. I'll never finish my laundry this way!

60 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    2 out of 5 stars
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  • Deborah J.
  • 14/10/2018

It Didn't Start With You

I listened to the first 6 chapters of this book and appreciated the author's experience and the experiences of many others that he shared. I found the research about genetics and trauma extremely informative.
However, I am a survivor of childhood abuse and suffer from extreme CPTSD ( ptsd that is a result of the caregiver being the perpetrator of the trauma) and I found the author to be lacking in his knowledge of and ability to address my particular experience.
In chapter 6 he begins to lead the reader (listener)through an exercise in visualizing the parents as appearing before ones self and noticing the sensations in one's body as they take a step closer.
My stomach was clenched in knots and I felt terror and the urge to run as far away as I could get.
The author then urges the listener to feel the life force of the parents. I tried to follow along as best I could, denying my urge to turn off the audio. I felt the sensations of electric shocks, sharp and stinging throughout my body. I thought, this is because of the sharp stinging beatings I received constantly from my mother !!
The author goes on to give 4 options for the sensations the listener is feeling. He says that if you are feeling closed off or rejecting of your mother the problem is with You and not your mother. He says that one must imagine the mother with all the trauma she must have experienced and realize that she just dis not have the love to give. The examples of trauma that are given are that the mother is too preoccupied with her own traumatic experiences to be able to give the child the love they felt they should have had.
I find this author to have a gross misunderstanding and lack of knowledge surrounding child abuse. He seems to have a firm grasp on generational trauma and I understand the premise and intent of his book but these exercises could actually cause more harm than good for those of us who have suffered horrific abuse at the hands of those who were supposed to nurture us.

33 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

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    2 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars
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  • Victor
  • 09/08/2016

Valuable insights one big flaw

Would you say that listening to this book was time well-spent? Why or why not?

The book is a very mixed piece of work, valuable as a manual on Hellinger family trauma work and very doubtful when it sets as an ultimate goal for adult children to understand the limitations of the parents, take responsibility for the break up in a relationship with their parents, and repent. The book recommends to all listeners as a resolution to contact their parents and tell them "Mom/Dad I miss you, I am sorry for not being more loving and pushing you away". The approach seems to work for the cases presented in the book. A serious flaw that I see comes from applying this advice to cases of child abuse that can and should be classified as criminal offence - rape, molastacion, severe/systematic beating. The author dose not talk about such cases but by coaching all childhood trauma survivors toward loving their parents and expressing remorse/responsibility for the break up in the relationship with them he inadvertently sends the victims down the path where they ae responsible for their rape/torture etc. The reason I think it's a very big flaw of this book is because it takes a lot of courage and coaching for such victims to overcome shame and properly direct their anger on the abusive parents and not on themselves and here the book can be potentially very misleading.

Would you recommend It Didn't Start with You to your friends? Why or why not?

No, I would recommend something else on Hellinger therapy

114 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Michael
  • 04/12/2016

New approaches to self discovery and healing

Wolynn's basic theory is that we sometimes inherit trauma from people throughout our family tree, not just in our immediate family, but from people in our extended family, maybe even from previous generations. Pain and psychological issues can be passed down from one generation to the next even when the source of that pain has been shrouded in silence. You might have a fear of being suffocated, for example, because of the trauma experienced by a great-grandparent who died by asphyxiation, even if you can't recall ever hearing about his or her life and death. The process by which this happens is somewhat mysterious, but Wolynn presents it in a very eloquent and articulate way. Whatever the mechanism, these traumas can block us off from our own vitality and happiness, causing all kinds of psychological issues and health problems. The way to reclaim that vitality is by healing the divide between ourselves and disowned family members, by reaching out to them for mutual forgiveness and reconciliation. Wolynn's techniques for doing that are effective. I've gone through the exercises and have had some amazing insights.

I do share some of the concerns expressed by other reviewers of this book; namely, that it's not necessarily a good idea to attempt reconciliation with a parent (or other family member) who's abused you in the past, or is actively hostile to you in the present. So many of Wolynn's examples are of people who inadvertently harmed us due to circumstances out of their control--you may have fears of abandonment because your mother was hospitalized while you were a child, and so on. What about people who have inherited trauma from family members who inflicted pain and abuse on the people around them? I think the ideas in this book are still valid, but I would like to hear the author speak more directly on the topic of abuse and neglect. It would be a GREAT subject for a follow-up book.

14 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

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    1 out of 5 stars
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  • Stephanie S.
  • 09/10/2018

Plays fast and loose with research

First, the narration was painful. The author should have hired someone else to do it. Secondly, he plays fast and loose with research, using just enough to be credible and then making outrageous claims and leaps that the research doesn’t support. He’s also basically repackaging well-known psychological theories, mainly CBT and family systems, as his own and trying to make money off them while being weirdly personal and spiritual. Save yourself some time and go straight to those theories instead.

6 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    1 out of 5 stars
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  • Nelly
  • 26/07/2018

Too one-sided

I think the author shared some great points however, the common theme I'm hearing is, "As the adult child, you must forgive your mom and dad for whatever they did or didn't do and it is your job to make peace with them no matter what." I feel for children of addicts, or children of parents who abused them sexually, this would be a difficult task. It seems to be very one sided where the author doesn't even acknowledge that the parents have some faults, but moreso, they had their flaws, but you should get over it in order to heal.

19 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Maggie Hess
  • 18/11/2017

Surprised by the spiritual nature & direction this

Well I tend to love books with deeply personal, spiritual accounts, and scientific data to back it. This book ticks all the boxes! I adore the part about Wolynn's personal life and what he overcame. Won't give anything away. It's an act of bravery to work on yourself. Congratulations.

3 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

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    1 out of 5 stars
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  • Hannah C.
  • 27/09/2018

Intolerable narration

It is very difficult to listen to this book because the voice is robotic. I am very interested in the topic but it is hard to easily listen and focus on the content due to the voice, speed, and style of reading.

6 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    2 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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Image de profile pour Phoebe Pham
  • Phoebe Pham
  • 29/07/2017

Not recommend

There are some helpful information but most of the stories/exemplifications sound more like coincidence rather than empirical evidence. All of his patients seemed to be able to ask their parents and grandparents about the traumatic events that happened with the past generations, but what about the trauma that are already buried with the ones who passed away? We can never know anything then and even when we ask, parents may not give us the truth. What to do then? You would never learned how it all started and wouldn't be able to fix anything?

9 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    4 out of 5 stars
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    2 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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  • Tocos
  • 12/07/2018

Could have been more captivating

The narrator of this makes it nearly unbearable to listen to. I wish i had just bought a hard copy because the content was amazing at times but the voice was difficult! I’d say just read this yourself

5 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

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    1 out of 5 stars
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  • Juergen Hesse
  • 21/06/2020

I did not enjoy this book

I did not find useful this book, it is not what i thought it would be, its too much