Now several years post-divorce, relationship expert and humorist Mark Miller has experienced more than 500 first dates. In 500 Dates, composed of 55 humor essays, Miller features the highlights and lowlights of those dates.

Among the true dating tales and revelations you will find in this audiobook are:

• How Miller and his date learned the limitations of a man being too emotionally expressive. ("Most guys consider revealing more about themselves emotionally and communicating on a deeper level nearly as enjoyable as falling face-first onto an ice pickor spending the rest of eternity listening to Celine Dion music.")
• Miller's realization that sometimes men have to pay a heavy price for their dates' previous relationship behavior. ("At least six different times, God has matched me up with a woman who has had a long history of wild, impulsive, passionate, no-holds-barred sex. She invariably finds something lacking in that lifestyle and decides to make a change. Starting with the very next man she dates. Who is invariably me.")
• Miller's misguided social experiment to separate dating from status by spending less than $20 on the date, purchasing everything at a 99 store, and what he learned, as a result, about his date and himself. ("I realize now that on the journey of romance, thrift and creativity will take you only so far - for the rest of the trip, you'll need MasterCard.")
• Revealed for the first time the inner workings of a man's brain. ("Cerebellum. Responsible for coordinating movement and maintaining balance. Used primarily when a man has had eight beers and is endeavoring to make his way to the bathroom without tripping over the dog and pulling the fish tank over on top of them.")
• How Miller took his date to his ex-wife's holiday party only to find his date and his ex-wife bonding like high school girlfriends.
• And more.