Episode 206 with Madeline Grace Matthews & Karla Pretorius

“I'm learning more and more how to be myself.”

Madeline is 23, and she was diagnosed with autism and a mild cognitive disability as a child. Originally from the U.S., she currently lives with her missionary family in Thailand. She is also the author of the recent book “Nineteen Letters to Myself: Guided Reflections and Prompts for Hope and Healing from a Neurodivergent Perspective.”

Madeline’s book started as a series of letters to her younger self — originally as a coping tool, and eventually as a way to make sense of her neurodivergence, as well as childhood trauma, big emotions, religious faith, and learning to see herself as “different, not less.”

Karla is a psychotherapist and PhD candidate who began working with Madeline in 2021 and helped her write and publish the book. In the first half of the episode, the three of us discuss the process of writing the book and the healing power of showing our younger selves kindness and acceptance.

In the second half of the episode, I sit down with Karla and hear a little more about her research on women and ADHD and the incredible work she’s doing in the neurodivergent community. Karla, who has ADHD herself, shares how she’s working to bridge academic research with lived experience.

If you’re the parent of a neurodivergent teen or if you’ve been diagnosed in adulthood and you’re on a journey of reparenting your inner child, or if you’ve ever felt like you were too much, not enough, or simply misunderstood — this episode is definitely for you.

Website: karlapretorius.com

Instagram: @therapy.neurodivergent

Links & Resources:

Nineteen Letters to Myself: Guided Reflections and Prompts for Hope and Healing from a Neurodivergent Perspective by Madeline Grace Mathews and Karla Pretorius

AIMS Global

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Episode edited by E Podcast Productions

Find the transcript of this episode at www.womenandadhd.com/transcripts

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Women & ADHD coaching: www.womenandadhd.com/coaching

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Work 1-on-1 with Katy: www.womenandadhd.com/katy

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Order the “Hey, it’s ADHD!” course: www.womenandadhd.com/adhdcourse

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Did you love this episode? Click here to pledge a one-time donation to the podcast!

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If you are a woman who was diagnosed with ADHD and you’d like to apply to be a guest on this podcast, visit womenandadhd.com/podcastguest.

Instagram: @womenandadhdpodcast

Tiktok: @womenandadhdpodcast

Twitter: @womenandadhd

Facebook: @womenandadhd

Episode 205 with Jen Fry.

“I like to tell people that I’m not nice. I’m kind, but I’m not nice. I think niceness is weaponized way too much against people.”

Jen is an educator, speaker, and author of the book “I Said No: How to Have Boundaries and Backbone While Not Being a Jerk.”

Saying no is supposed to be simple — but for so many women with ADHD, it feels loaded with guilt, overthinking, and the fear of disappointing everyone around you.

Jen is a former college volleyball coach with a PhD in sports geography, and she now works at the intersection of conflict, culture, and sport, speaking to teams and organizations around the country.

We talk about the ADHD tendency to be a people-pleaser, and why Jen proudly says she’s kind, not nice. In this conversation, we talk about ADHD, hyperfocus, time blindness, imposter syndrome, and why so many high-achieving women end up chronically overcommitted, burnt out, and resentful.

We also explore what it really takes to say no — not just to other people, but to our own overexcited ADHD brains, our endless ideas, and our impulse to fill every spare moment.

If you’ve ever struggled with boundaries, overcommitting, or worrying that saying no makes you “difficult,” this episode is going to hit very close to home.

Website: jenfrytalks.com

Instagram: @jenfrytalks

Links & Resources:

I Said No: How to Have Boundaries and Backbone While Not Being a Jerk by Dr. Jen Fry

The Power of Likeability (Forbes)

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Episode edited by E Podcast Productions

Find the transcript of this episode at www.womenandadhd.com/transcripts

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Women & ADHD coaching: www.womenandadhd.com/coaching

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Work 1-on-1 with Katy: www.womenandadhd.com/katy

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Order the “Hey, it’s ADHD!” course: www.womenandadhd.com/adhdcourse

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Did you love this episode? Click here to pledge a one-time donation to the podcast!

- - - - -

If you are a woman who was diagnosed with ADHD and you’d like to apply to be a guest on this podcast, visit womenandadhd.com/podcastguest.

Instagram: @womenandadhdpodcast

Tiktok: @womenandadhdpodcast

Twitter: @womenandadhd

Facebook: @womenandadhd

Episode 204 with Rae Jacobson.

“There is a difference between traits and impairment. If we dilute the idea of ADHD into something that just seems familiar, we risk shutting out the people who really need help.”

Rae is a journalist, an ADHD and learning disorders expert, and the Lead of Insight at Understood, where she also hosts the podcast Hyperfocus. Rae has spent over 20 years digging into the stories and science of neurodivergence. She’s a former senior editor at the Child Mind Institute, and her work has appeared in New York Magazine, the Daily Beast, Rolling Stone, Parenting, American Girl, and more.

Rae and I talk about her very winding path to an ADHD diagnosis: growing up as the “smart kid who did terribly at school,” getting diagnosed with LD-NOS, dyscalculia, and dysgraphia, and then finally, in her early 20s, realizing she has ADHD. Rae shares the life-changing experience of attending Landmark College — a school specifically for students with ADHD and learning disabilities.

We also wrestle with the current ADHD discourse: the difference between relatable traits and true impairment, what happens when “everyone has ADHD,” and why that can both broaden awareness and quietly shut people out of care. We talk about internalized ableism, the ongoing cycles of skepticism (“quit your whining”) and backlash online, and the need for voices that pair lived experience with journalistic fact-checking.

And of course, we talk about Hyperfocus, Rae’s podcast at Understood that zeroes in on what fascinates us most about ADHD, mental health, and learning.

Website: Understood.org

Instagram: @understoodorg

Links & Resources:

The Berkeley Girls with ADHD Longitudinal Study (S. Hinshaw)

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Episode edited by E Podcast Productions

Find the transcript of this episode at www.womenandadhd.com/transcripts

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Women & ADHD coaching: www.womenandadhd.com/coaching

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Work 1-on-1 with Katy: www.womenandadhd.com/katy

- - - - -

Order the “Hey, it’s ADHD!” course: www.womenandadhd.com/adhdcourse

- - - - -

Did you love this episode? Click here to pledge a one-time donation to the podcast!

- - - - -

If you are a woman who was diagnosed with ADHD and you’d like to apply to be a guest on this podcast, visit womenandadhd.com/podcastguest.

Instagram: @womenandadhdpodcast

Tiktok: @womenandadhdpodcast

Twitter: @womenandadhd

Facebook: @womenandadhd