Marci is looking for safety as Arizona burns, and she may need to pick up a couple of hundred cats. There are the realistically phobic people, and the nut jobs and paranoics. You can find out who is who on social media.Turi is cautioned never to watch Game of Thrones. Fireworks in a hazard zone. Pickpocketing—a national sport. Fear of mascots.

Marci's personal "Burning Man" is causing her to reevaluate mountain living. What you can watch with a TV antenna. Turi's long, garlicky, painful busride: lessons learned.

"BCE"—before cellphones existed. Nice people make Turi look bad. When your spouse manipulates to make you manipulative. The non-shocking shock collar. The eternal conversation between mothers of kids behaving badly. When you are still punk. The unexpected sea chanty.

More reasons to lie to your spouse. Religion can save you from household drudgery. Marci contemplates blood in IMAX. An ample obsequious Alexa in every room. Education, Home Depot, and the baked potato.

Strategies for keeping your adult children from moving back in, including cinder block. Daddy long legs, worms, centipedes, and axolotyl lizards, oh my. How to delete a recurring nightmare from your consciousness.

Forest fire air. How to spot faux Italian cooking (and a restaurant that served it). The wandering kosher turkey. The non-miracle of kosher salt. IMAX in Arizona without A/C. Whoops, wrong lettuce or cheering for good poops.

We get advice from old[er] people. Marci tackles the Grand Canyon. Risks, and how to benefit from other people's reckless behavior. Explosive cyclospora euphemisms. Fuzzy things are not always cute. The flying squirrels (or are they chipmunks) of the Grand Canyon.

Learning the "on hold" music by heart. Don't call me "ma'am". We are not the training department. Marci's shrinking head vs. your old underwear. Missing payphone/outhouses. How to find a safety pin, and Marci's old chapstick. The desperate move of the "purse dump." Thrifting from the sidewalk.