Hi, all, and welcome back to the NCS Podcast.

It's been a little while since I've released a new episode. The past few months have been something of a whirlwind, beginning with a severe kidney infection in my transplanted kidney at the start of 2026. Interestingly, the infection occurred the day after my third ketamine treatment. While the ketamine itself was not responsible for the infection, the experience prompted me to pause treatment and give my body the space it needed to settle and heal before moving forward.

During this time, I have also accumulated several new diagnoses, each bringing its own set of questions, challenges, and emotions. As a result, much of the last few months has been spent navigating not only the physical realities of chronic illness but also the emotional rollercoaster that has accompanied them.

In this episode, I share updates on my health journey, discuss these new diagnoses, and reflect on what it has been like to continue processing the kidney autotransplant. More than a year later, I am still learning what it means to live in this new body, to understand its limits, appreciate its resilience, grieve what has changed, and make sense of what comes next.

As always, thank you for being here and for allowing me to share this journey with you.

After recording my last episode on session two, something shifted in a way I didn’t expect. In this episode, I share what happened during the integration that followed, the moment my “scared self” surfaced, the tension that rose between Kyle and me, and what it felt like to finally be held in the middle of grief I’ve carried for years.

I talk openly about fear, loss, and the layers of pain connected to my brother, my father, and my mother, and how this release felt different from anything I’ve experienced before. Instead of days of emotional rebalancing, I found myself grounded almost instantly, as if something I’d been holding onto for far too long finally let go.

This episode reflects on what it means to feel safe in your body with another person, to lean into grief without being consumed by it, and to notice the quiet, powerful shift that happens when you begin to truly process and release what you’ve been carrying.

Listener discretion advised: This episode includes discussion of grief, family loss, and emotional processing.

In this second installment of my ketamine-assisted therapy series, I walk listeners through what my second session felt like from the moments leading up to the infusion to the psychological and emotional “downloads” that emerged once the ketamine took effect.

I begin by reflecting on how this session differed from my first, including subtle but meaningful changes in the pre-session environment and the clinical check-in process. I share the follow-up questions my care team asked based on what I experienced in the days between sessions.

This session also marked a dosage increase, moving from 45mg to 55mg, which opened the door to a noticeably different internal landscape. I describe what surfaced once the ketamine was administered: the themes, sensations, and insights that emerged, and how they connected to my ongoing work with medical trauma, grief, and nervous-system regulation.

As always, this episode is offered through both a personal and professional lens, bridging lived experience with clinical and performance-psychology perspectives for practitioners, patients, and anyone curious about how ketamine-assisted therapy can support healing in the context of injury, illness, and loss.

This episode is intended for educational and storytelling purposes only and does not replace professional medical or mental health care. Please consult a qualified healthcare provider before making any treatment decisions.