Épisodes

  • Introduction to this Podcast

    Introduction to this Podcast
    Mar 5 2020

    In this introductory episode, Dr. Paulette Sherman explains how your love psychology, defensive styles, past baggage, limiting beliefs and relationship patterns may block your ability to move forward in love, whether you are dating or married. Examples are given about how you contribute to what is not working in your relationships and how your partners can be mirrors for your growth.

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    19 min
  • How Defenses Affect Your Relationship

    How Defenses Affect Your Relationship
    Mar 5 2020

    This episode discusses how we all have defenses that we use without our awareness. We use them when we are afraid, in order to protect us from being hurt in love. But, oftentimes these defensive styles create issues in our relationships, whether we are dating or married. They tend to push our partner or potential partner away and stop us from having intimacy and connection. Examples are given about how to identify your defensive style, to observe where it comes from and how to change it. This opens up your ability to shift from fear into love and to have greater choice about how to move your relationship forward.
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    25 min
  • How Your Familial Blueprint Affects Your Relationship

    How Your Familial Blueprint Affects Your Relationship
    Mar 5 2020

    This episode explores how our early familial blueprint affects our romantic relationships when we are dating or married. Our familial blueprint affects us in two ways:

    We often unconsciously repeat the dynamics that our parents had with each other in our new relationship because it feels familiar;

    And, we may also choose partners similar to our opposite-sex parent, because that was what we learned about the opposite sex and how they would treat us.

    When we don't make the past conscious we are often doomed to repeat it. So, we can find ourselves acting as our parents did in our marriage or choosing partners with the same characteristics as our parent.

    In order to create what we want now, we need to become conscious of our old blueprint and create a new one so that we have freedom of choice and can create the relationship we desire.

    This episode gives examples of how to do this so that you do not repeat the same old unhealthy patterns and can customize your relationship to your own values, lifestyle, personality, and desires.

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    14 min
  • How Your Relationship Baggage & Limiting Beliefs Affect Your Relationship

    How Your Relationship Baggage & Limiting Beliefs Affect Your Relationship
    Mar 5 2020

    This episode explores how our limiting beliefs and relationship baggage can affect our romantic relationships, in dating and in marriage. If we are not aware of past hurt and betrayals, this can adversely affect our ability to keep our hearts open to our spouse or to someone new. Dr. Sherman addresses how this issue shows up in her dating coaching and couples therapy sessions and how people can learn to differentiate their past from the present and choose love over fear.

    In addition, limiting beliefs can create stuckness in relationships. We often apply those beliefs to our partners and are unwilling to view situations from other perspectives. Unless we make this conscious, we cannot move forward in new ways. This episode will teach you how to remove this block to love.
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    18 min
  • How Your Relationship with No Affects Your Relationship

    How Your Relationship with No Affects Your Relationship
    Mar 6 2020

    This segment explores how your relationship to the word No can affect your relationships. For example:

    -How often you say no to your mate's bids for attention is highly predictive of divorce in marriage

    -Yet being able to hear no when there are differences of opinions is important to relationship success

    -When dating you can be a hyper-rejector and say no to too many people prematurely and this will hurt your chances at finding love

    -As a single, you can also be so worried about rejection and hearing no that you take yourself off the playing field!

    Don't let the above and so much more stop you.

    Listen to this episode and determine how you get tripped up by the word no so that you can start to work around it and move forward in your relationships and in life.

    If you want to learn more about identifying and improving negative thinking, you can get my book, 'The Gremlin: How to Shush that Negative Voice in Your Head:' https://www.amazon.com/Gremlin-Tools-Shush-Negative-Voice/dp/0991540522/

    You can learn more about Dr. Sherman and her relationship coaching at: www.DrPauletteSherman.com

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    15 min
  • The Coronavirus and Dating

    The Coronavirus and Dating
    Mar 9 2020
    The Coronavirus and Dating: How to Love When You're in a State of Fear? As a psychologist and dating coach, I'm thinking about how this coronavirus scare is currently affecting dating and how that might evolve. The question on many singles' minds are: Will this coronavirus scare get worse, or perhaps, will it soon be contained, improve and will a vaccine be created? Dating is already often a process fraught with anxiety about the unknown. It can be challenging not to know if you'll like this stranger or if they'll like you if you will hear from your dates again, if they have STDs or if you'll feel physically and emotionally safe with them. As a dating coach, it can be part of your job to encourage people to put themselves out there, physically and emotionally. Now, psychologically you are adding an additional layer of fear for some singles, because they're worrying about whether dating may expose them to the Coronavirus. As a single they have no context for their date, for their date's travels or health, and Coronavirus carriers can be asymptomatic. Conversely, these aforementioned fears of dating are often on par with the opposite fear that some singles have about not meeting someone and being alone during this pandemic. My intention for this article is to spread love and healing, not fear. Sometimes making our fears conscious can help us to better normalize and metabolize them and make us feel less alone. Of course, there are also many singles that are still dating and living their lives normally. They have not let fear change their inner or outer view of dating. Some report taking a Zen approach, remarking that we will all probably get the Coronavirus but that hopefully, it won't be that bad or deadly. Some people are even using humor to lighten this weighty topic and are putting Coronavirus pickup lines on their dating profiles. So, the fears and reactions from singles are mixed. One recent survey said that 33 percent of singles are worried about dating now. On the flip side, one dating app survey reported that dating app signups are up 29 percent. Some singles are aiming to have a 'virtual relationship,' which could be seen as a psychic and physical compromise so that they don't feel alone but also aren't physically exposed. Fears can make people contract, take fewer risks and can negatively impact their decision-making. Also, fear can breed more fear through a process called Potentiation, where once you are primed for fear than even benign events can seem scary. People can to go into Freeze, Fight or Flight response when afraid. Freezing means they would just stop dating and then decide what to do next. If you have a Fight response, you'd decide how to directly deal with the threat. If you tend to Flee or use Flight, you would avoid and work around this threat, like maybe just talking to people online and not in person, or avoiding dating for a while. During this unknown time of the coronavirus, some singles are experiencing a drive to isolate and an opposing one to powerfully connect and bond. It may help to make these fears conscious on both sides of the equation: Some Increased Fears that Singles are having re Dating: Fear of Physical Intimacy- The media has advised, 'social distance' and have said that this coronavirus can be passed through a distance of 6 feet, through a cough or bodily fluid. Where does this leave the dating ritual of, 'the goodnight kiss?' It gives a whole new meaning to contraceptives and people have been posting funny pictures of all the outfit getups that people are already wearing about town to protect themselves. 'So, how does one look their best, flirt and romantically connect during a date while maintaining safety and social connection?' Fear of Emotional Intimacy- Some singles fear to connect and get close to someone new when they imagine that person could get sick and die soon. Also, they report being wary of adding the stress of rejection to their plate when they are already feeling anxious. They say they'd feel better dating at a time when they are feeling happier and more confident. Fear of Public Spaces- Since the media has advised, 'social distance,' many singles fear going to group events for singles or otherwise. This could include concerts, singles events, and crowded bars. This makes it harder to put yourself out there to find love. Fear of the Unknown & Getting Sick- Since there is no solution to getting this virus- no vaccine or antidote yet- some singles are saying that prevention is key. They fear and want to avoid getting sick and fear a lack of control. So, they focus on having a degree of social isolation because it's what they feel they can do right now. Fear that You'll Be a Debby Downer- Singles report that it's hard to date and to be sexy and positive when the Coronavirus is the 'White Elephant' in the room. Fear can exacerbate existing anxiety and depression and it can feel unattractive to date while not feeling your ...
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    16 min
  • How the Coronavirus Can Affect Your Relationship:

    How the Coronavirus Can Affect Your Relationship:
    Mar 10 2020

    This episode explores 12 of the ways that the coronavirus can affect your relationship or marriage and it provides some tips about how to address it.

    As a psychologist that does a lot of couples therapy and a relationship coach who does phone and Skype relationship coaching, I'm aware of what improves and harms marriages. In addition, I'm aware that when stress hits, marriages and relationships can suffer. When my couples are aware that there is a stressful event coming, I tell them to, 'Get ahead of that train,' by discussing it ahead of time and to come up with some solutions. Often this is easier to do when they have experienced this situation before and they know what to expect. It can be harder when it's something unknown that's stressful, like this Coronavirus situation. They don't know if the school will close, if they will work from home, if the stock market will continue to fall, if they will get sick and be quarantined, etcetera.

    This episode explores:

    -Differing Attachment Styles

    -Minimizers vs. Maximizers

    -You May Fight More

    -Figuring Out a Budget

    -Self-Soothe & Up Your Self-Care

    -Create a Family-Minded Emergency Plan

    -Focus on Health

    -Address Being in Close Quarters

    -Your Libido Can Go Down

    -Have a Fun Weekly Date Night

    -Old Losses May be Triggered

    -Mental Health Issues May Arise

    Hopefully being aware of what these potential issues could arise will enable you to better address them and to work as a team to get through this chapter and to make your relationship even stronger.

    To learn more about relationship coaching by phone and Skype from Dr. Sherman, you can go to her website: www.DrPauletteSherman.com
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    16 min
  • How to Lessen Your Negative Thinking

    How to Lessen Your Negative Thinking
    Mar 11 2020

    This episode is the first in a 4-part series about how to get control over your negative thinking so that you can shift from fear into love, in life, and in your relationships. This series on how to improve your negative thinking offers 10 tools to help you shush your negative self-talk and thoughts. It teaches you to deal with external stressors and negative thoughts internally first, so you can shift the energy in easy ways from the inside-out. These tools are taken from Dr. Paulette Sherman's new book, 'The Gremlin: 10 Tools to Shush that Negative Voice in your Head.' So, if you want a paperback version to take around with you so you can memorize these tools, please click the link above. Dr. Sherman felt this series would be timely right now, not only regarding your relationships but because these tools can also be applied to the level of fear swirling about concerning the Coronavirus. Oftentimes we can't control external things but we can make loving choices about which thoughts we choose to focus on and why.

    In this episode, we will cover:

    -What is the Gremlin- that voice in your head that tries to protect you by scaring you

    -Why that voice is internalized and how it's not your true self.

    -How to recognize the Gremlin voice and begin to challenge it.

    -The tool of Active Imagination-how to dialogue with that negative voice and challenge it so you feel more in control. You will learn how to have a written conversation with specific fears, to put them on a loudspeaker and to find the exceptions so you can talk yourself down from the ledge.

    In the following episode, you'll learn 2 MORE tools to add to your arsenal, so keep listening:) My hope is that you will begin to shift from fear into love in your life and relations, more and more.

    To find out more about phone coaching with Paulette, check out her website www.DrPauletteSherman.com

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    14 min