How do you find belonging when you’ve never felt fully Filipino or American?

This letter is for the Filipino American woman who has spent years being asked that second question: “But where are you really from?” She learned to answer it smoothly and playfully, without letting anyone notice that being asked the question felt like a wound that kept reopening.

In this letter, Hana grows up caught between two worlds. Her American friends see her as foreign. Her Filipino family wishes she could speak their dialect and understand the cultural nuances. But on a college stage, performing mid-song, she discovers how the space created by the pause within a song can change everything.

If you’ve ever felt like you were too much of one thing and not enough of another — this letter was written for you.

Letter 186 is part of The Filipino American Woman Project’s letters series, inspired by real conversations. This is our AAPI Heritage Month edition.

Welcome to TFAW Letters — the Asian American and Pacific Islander Heritage Month (AAPI) Heritage Month edition — by the Filipino American Woman Project!

I’m your host, Jen Amos, here to read aloud letters inspired by real conversations with you!

It all begins with one line:

If I could say one thing...

Because sometimes one thing is all we need to take up a little more space. 💛

First letter releases next Friday! Stay tuned! 🎧

If you could reflect on one thing, it’s this:

How do you process loss and grief?

This letter is for anyone who’s lost their greatest ally and has been grieving ever since.

The writer speaks to Monica Macansantos, author of Returning to My Father’s Kitchen: Essays. She expresses how her former teacher’s book gave her permission to feel what her family wouldn’t talk about: the pain of losing a loved one who was more than a parent.

Her father was her greatest ally, her champion, and the inspiration behind her curiosity and creativity. The writer paints a portrait of healing that doesn’t erase the pain but, instead, carries it with her.

If you’ve ever felt pressure to suppress your grief, yet longed to honor a loved one in a way that feels true to you, then this one’s for you.

This concludes TFAW Project’s Letters — Holiday Edition! 🎁

Thank you for listening, and we’ll see you again for Asian American and Pacific Islander Heritage Month in May 2026! 👋🏽🎉

What can I do in the meantime?

Subscribe for off-season content!

🗓 Find out when our next Family Potluck event will be! (Tentative date: March 27, 2026)

✍🏽 When you subscribe, you can also submit a letter or respond to a published one, anonymously!