Send a text

It doesn’t matter who you are, there are 3 simple words we all struggle to say out loud- Even though we know that NOT saying them could costs us our relationship.

I am sorry

I apologize

I was wrong

Tiny little sentences, but massive impact, and yet, somehow they get stuck in our throats like a slab of concrete.

We would rather stay silent than say them- even when that silence slowly damages the relationships we care about.

Before I talk about those three words- I NEED to talk about The EGO first. The EGO is the reason those words get stuck in our throat.

It all starts with EGO.

We can’t say the three words , NOT because we don’t love our partner, and NOT because we don’t care, BUT because the EGO’s job is protection, and to the EGO saying any of the “three words” feels like losing.

Ego is one of those words that get thrown around a lot, usually in a negative way, and most of us don’t actually know what we mean by it when we say it, so we start thinking EGO is a bad thing were supposed to get rid of , but the truth is you can’t get rid of your EGO. AND you wouldn’t want to even if you could.

Ego is not arrogance & it’s not selfishness. At its core EGO is just YOUR sense of “me”; it your inner identity.

It’s the voice that says :

this is who I am

this is what I believe

this is how I want to be seen

this is how I protect myself

The EGO developed thousands of years ago to protect us. It helps us function, make decisions, & helps us survive. Protection at its core is NOT bad, its necessary

The Good Bad and Ugly of the EGO

THE GOOD- EGO gives us identity, boundaries and self-respect- it allows us to say “that’s not okay’ when something truly isn’t. the EGO helps us know who we are.

So the goal is not to eliminate the EGO, it’s to manage it.

Learning to manage the EGO might be one of the most underrated life skills ever. Nobody teaches it, yet it quietly shapes every marriage, friendship and family dynamic we have.

The good of learning to manage your ego is FREEDOM- Freedom from NEEDING to win.

THE BAD of the EGO

EGO doesn’t measure connection – it measures winning.

It keeps score

It wants to be right

It wants to avoid embarrassment

And it hates vulnerability

The Ugly

When unmanaged, the EGO prioritizes pride over intimacy. Pride in this context, is the need to protect your image at all costs and avoid feeling wrong- it chooses self preservation over connection.

When conflict remains unresolved there, your body feels it everywhere- your home stops feeling safe- and we humans are wired to NEED SAFE connection- it affects our mental health, our immunity and even our longevity.

But what separates strong relationships from broken ones isn’t perfection- its repair.

Its having the courage to say these hard words out loud:

I’m sorry

I apologize

I was wrong

Three small statements - with enormous power. THE EGO will tell you that saying them makes you small and weak- but the truth is- they will make your relationship stronger.

The strongest relationships aren’t the ones without mistakes- the strongest relationships are the ones that recognize their mistakes.. and use their words

Strength in a relationship isn’t about “winning”- it’s about being brave enough to let go of the need to win.

Enjoy!

Joanne Demers

The Aging Mask- A Lifestyle Medicine Podcast

949)236-1529

Follow along on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/theagingmask

Send a text

When was the last time you sat down in your favorite spot with an actual book? Remember when this was normal? I bet Reading feels like a luxury to a lot of you, you feel guilty when you sit down to read, and you probably feel like you should be doing something productive, so you don’t feel good picking up that book- right?

I am here to remind you that reading a book isn’t Unproductive, it isn’t a luxury or a hobby& It shouldn’t be something we save for vacation.

Reading is one of the most powerful things you can do for your mind, mood, and your long term brain health.

There was a time when reading was NOT optional. It was how we learned. How we entertained ourselves, and how we relaxed during the day- and wound down at night.

This was before TV’s were in the room, phones were in every pocket, and long before scrolling. You read.

Books

Letters

Newspapers

Magazines- cover to cover

The cool part about reading a book is what it actually does for your brain:

Reading isn’t passive- it’s extremely active so When you read your brain lights up everywhere:

Your language centers light up

Your Memory centers light up

your Visual imagination lights up

And your emotion processing center lights up

Your brain doesn’t just understand the words- it recreates the experience- you smell it- you create a visual- you see it-- your brain builds an entire world from scratch when you read the words.

Tv doesn’t make you do that- only reading books.

Reading is like strength training for your brain:

Reading strengthens your-

Memory

Vocabulary

Comprehension

Focus

Empathy

Reading also strengthens your Creativity

-And it builds something called “cognitive reserve”- which is your brains back up system. The stronger your cognitive reserve, the more protected you are as you age.

Studies have shown that lifelong readers have a lower risk of cognitive decline and dementia.

Reading is not just for homework, it isn’t old fashioned, and it’s NOT just for entertainment. Reading is one of the simplest, cheapest and most accessible forms of brain care that we have.

Reading makes your mind sharper, and it keeps your imagination alive, it asks your brain to build the story not just watch it

And it Expands you; reading books expands you because every book you read adds something new to who you are, new ideas, new words and new perspectives.

Bring reading back into your daily life

You are probably thinking that "reading more" is something you should "Do”, but how do you fit that in? Let me help you with that. You know you can fit it in! First, take back 10 minutes of phone time before bed and use that time to read. This also kills 2 birds with one stone, you get your reading in- and in turn -it will make you sleep so much better.

You can…

· Keep a bag in your car and in your purse- any free minute you have- at a car wash- Dr. Appt- kids sports- the beach- or if you are waiting for your gas tank to fill up-on a road trip- a flight- so many options and lots of time- grab that book.

· Read with your kids- this is considered reading.

At the end of the day reading is one of the simplest ways to care for your mind.

Sometimes the best medicine really is that simple.

READ More Books!

Enjoy.

Joanne Demers

The Aging Mask- A Lifestyle Medicine Podcast

(949)-236-1529

Follow along on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/theagingmask

Send us a text

In relationships we are taught to focus solely on love. But no one really talks about partnership.

I want to talk about Relationships as a Partnership.

This is for anyone building a life with another human being; whether that is:

Living together

Raising kids together

Sharing bills

or Sharing responsibilities , the moment your life becomes intertwined with someone else’s you are not just in love.

YOU are in a Partnership.

It took me YEARS to understand That love brings two people together. But a partnership is what actually makes life work.

For a long time I resisted that idea- I didn’t want my relationship to feel like a business or a system. I wanted it to feel romantic and natural and effortless- but real grown up life is not 24/7 romance and it's definitely not effortless.

Real life is logistics:

Schedules

Money

Kids

Sickness

Work & pressure- when two people are building all of that together, you are not JUST A COUPLE you are partners.

I have learned the importance of acknowledging the strengths and the differences of our partner- not as dividing lines, but as the very thing that makes the relationship work. Relationships aren’t meant to be a battle ground for who’s right , who’s stronger, or who is in charge.

They are meant to be a partnership.

Most conflict in relationships doesn’t come from huge betrayals or dramatic moments- conflict starts much smaller- with interpretation-meaning, It’s usually not what actually happened that hurts us- it’s the story we tell ourselves about what it means- we fill in the blanks , assume intentions, and create stories that are not often true.

I bring that up because in a relationship we don’t just misinterpret situations- we misinterpret each other’s differences.

We interpret our differences as:

_Lack of understanding

_Lack of effort

_And lack of care

These are not flaws- they are just “different strengths”. In any real partnership-you think you want two IDENTICAL people- but you don’t, you need balance.

The issue isn’t that you are different-it’s that you interpret differences as threats instead of assets- And once you and your partner start thinking like that, you start competing instead of collaborating.

EGO Maturity is when you feel secure enough in your own worth that you don’t need to compete with your partner anymore.

You have to trust that what you bring to the partnership matters-even if it looks different than what your partner brings. This is all maturity too.

The longer I have been in a relationship, the more I have realized something that I wish someone had told me when I was younger- and that is that love is amazing- love is great-love is what brings you together- BUT love alone doesn’t run a life:

Love doesn’t organize schedules-pay bills-raise kids- and love doesn’t step in when life gets hard- but a partnership does. A partnership is what keeps you together. And like any good partnership- relationships only work when each person understands what they bring to the table- When strengths are acknowledged instead of compared-When differences are respected instead of criticized -And when roles are discussed instead of assumed- and partnerships can only work when you grow up emotionally- get rid of the ego and have those hard conversations.

At the end of the day- the goal isn’t to win against your partner- it’s to build an amazing family business- so stop competing and start partnering.

Enjoy!

Joanne

The Aging Mask

Follow along on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/theagingmask