We've been talking about transactional analysis, which I use to help leaders, coaches and consultants to develop and to lead their people. We've been talking about ego states, transactions and ways that people maintain their own stories instead of being in the here and now. We've talked a little bit about what racket feelings are, but now I want to talk about how you recognize racket feelings.

Rackets and Racket Feelings

Sometimes people show feelings and you think, is this real or not? Probably you've got a gut reaction that leads you to this thought. Perhaps when you see someone get hurt and they laugh, you find it a bit strange. Or instead of showing a scared feeling someone gets angry, or people who should be angry start to cry. You wonder, what's going on here? You might be witnessing the expression of a racket feeling.

We just talked about the five ways people maintain their own stories. , Let’s talk about redefinition first.

Redefinition is when you distort your perception of reality to fit your own reality and your own story. For example, if I ask you a question “when” question and you answer with a “Who” response that’s a redefinition. For instance, I ask, “What time is it?” And you say, “Paul's not here yet.” That's a redefinition in its simplest form.

We've talked about ego states, we've talked about transactions, and we just talked about the five ways people keep their own reality going so that they're not able to solve their problems in the here and now.

We talked about the first way, which was redefinition, and now we're going to talk about the second way, which is called symbiosis. There are functional and dysfunctional types of symbiosis, so let's start with the definition. Symbiosis is when two or more people act as if they have less than three ego states each.

One of the things we've been talking about in this series of videos is how people interact and communicate effectively. What happens if people don't communicate effectively?

What happens if people are more invested in wanting to keep their own reality and story than in actually being really in touch and changing? Within transactional analysis we distinguish five ways people keep their own reality going without getting into real contact and really changing.

We talked about Structuring Parent, Nurturing Parent, Adult, Rebellious Child, Adapted Child and Free Child.

So, what are the effects on communication when you transact from those different ego states?

How do you know where someone is coming from in terms of ego states?

• Behavioural diagnosis: words, tone, gestures, posture, facial expressions. (frequency count)

• Social diagnosis: From what ego state are you relating to the other? What does that say about the others’ ego state?

• Historical diagnosis: What were you like as a child? How did your parents behave?

• Phenomenological diagnosis: Re-experience of past with connected thinking, feeling, behaviour you had then and there.

To be absolutely sure where someone is coming from in terms of ego states you need at least three checks.

Using Free Child as a style of communication in business is infectious and will get you going in an agile and innovative way.