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My husband/wife, my mother/father, my child, my friend, etc., etc., really upset me. Well, have you told them? Ahh, no.

One of the most common dialogues I hear in my sessions is a patient telling me about a person who upset them, and stating that they have never told them that they are upset. The fear that bringing up their feelings could incite verbal conflict or communicate a lack of caring is so scary that it is better off not expressed. As I have brought up in prior episodes, expressing feelings leaves us vulnerable. Vulnerability can be frightening.

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How many times have you struggled with, what is the right thing to do. Or more to the point, "I know what the right thing to do is, but I really don't want to do it." Sometimes our decision making process can be shaped by fear, shame, or guilt. However, sometimes our process is just simple selfishness or self-interest. Contrary action is taking an action that we know is the better choice, even though every impulse tells us differently. Join me while I struggle with a contrary action that seems like such an obvious choice to make.

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Our childhood is the framework for all of our thinking and behavior, and even though my childhood was flawed I have learned to acknowledge it, and overcome it. The key word is acknowledge. If we are to triumph over our insecurities, flaws, and weaknesses, we must first admit that they exist. We all have them in one way or another. There is a saying “there are people who have problems and are willing to do something about it, and there are people who just have problems.” In our pursuit of having a better life and making healthier choices, it is a process that takes time. Our goal is to strive for progress, not perfection.