Épisodes

  • The High Cost of Deferring Decisions

    The High Cost of Deferring Decisions
    Jan 20 2026
    In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz dives deep into one of the sneakiest traps that keep us stuck: deferring decisions. Whether it’s fear of making the wrong choice, wanting more clarity, or simply waiting for the “perfect time,” delaying decisions comes at a steep cost—and it’s often invisible until it’s too late. Dr. Aziz unpacks how avoiding decisions drains your confidence, erodes momentum, and reinforces the illusion that you're not ready or capable. He shares a radically freeing mindset shift that allows you to make powerful choices now, even if you're scared, uncertain, or don’t feel 100% “ready.” 🎧 Tired of waiting for the stars to align before you move forward in your life, career, or relationships? Tune in now and discover how making the decision—any decision—is often the most powerful step you can take. --------------------------------------------------- Most people don’t ruin their lives with one dramatic mistake. They do it quietly—by waiting. By postponing conversations. By delaying decisions. By telling themselves, “I’ll figure it out later.” And later becomes years. Today, I want to talk about something uncomfortable—but liberating if you really let it land: the cost of deferring decisions. Not just at the end of life, but right now, this year, this week. Because the goal isn’t to someday look back and feel okay about your life. The goal is to feel fully alive now. The Regret That Wakes People Up Too Late There’s a well-known body of work from hospice nurse Bronnie Ware, who spent years listening to people reflect on their lives as they were dying. One regret stood above all others: “I wish I’d lived a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” Let that sink in. Not “I wish I worked harder.” Not “I wish I made more money.” But I wish I’d been myself. And if that’s what people realize at the end, the real question is: How many people are already living with that regret right now—just more quietly? Whose Life Are You Actually Living? Living “your life” sounds obvious… until you really examine it. Are you living the life your parents wanted? Your partner expects? Your industry rewards? Your internalized image of a “good” or “nice” person demands? Most people don’t consciously choose someone else’s life. They drift into it. Piece by piece. Decision by decision. Or more accurately—non-decision by non-decision. And over time, you end up steering nothing… while your life still moves forward. The Trap of Endless Information We live in an age that promises certainty through information. If I just read one more book… Watch one more video… Gather a little more data… Then I’ll know what to do. But here’s the truth most people don’t want to hear: Information does not create action. At best, it creates temporary motivation. At worst, it becomes a sophisticated way to avoid deciding. Many people become incredibly informed—and quietly stuck. Why Decisions Feel So Uncomfortable The word decision literally means “to cut off.” When you decide, you eliminate options. You create consequences. You step into uncertainty. And that’s terrifying for the part of you whose job is survival, not fulfillment. So instead, you hover in “I’m not sure yet.” But here’s the uncomfortable reality: Not deciding is still a decision. If you don’t decide to leave, you decide to stay. If you don’t decide to speak up, you decide to remain silent. If you don’t decide to act, you decide to keep living exactly as you are. Action Is the Antidote to Regret There is no path in life that avoids discomfort. The only real choice is which discomfort you choose: The sharp, temporary discomfort of actionOr the dull, chronic ache of regret and self-betrayal Living fully doesn’t require dramatic gestures or burning your life to the ground. It requires something much simpler—and much harder: Decide. Then act. Then do it again. Small decision. Real action. Big decision. Imperfect action. It’s not about getting it “right.” It’s about reclaiming the steering wheel. An Invitation—for Today If you’ve been waiting for certainty, confidence, or clarity before acting—this is your wake-up call. Clarity comes after movement. Confidence grows through action. So don’t overthink this. Pick one decision you’ve been deferring. Make it. Act on it—today, in some real, tangible way. That’s how aliveness returns. And that’s how regret never gets a chance to take root. Until we speak again— have the courage to be who you are, and know, on a deep level, that you’re already enough.
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    22 min
  • The Truth About Change In The New Year

    The Truth About Change In The New Year
    Jan 13 2026
    🌟 In this empowering kickoff to 2026, Dr. Aziz challenges a deeply held belief: that being nice means you care more. In fact, the opposite might be true. In this episode, you’ll discover how what looks like “caring” is often fear, over-responsibility, and codependence in disguise. If you’ve been stuck in people-pleasing, constantly saying yes when you want to say no, feeling guilt when others are upset, or believing your worth is tied to keeping everyone happy—this episode is your wake-up call. Dr. Aziz breaks down the emotional trap of chronic niceness and reveals how true caring comes not from fear, but from authenticity and healthy boundaries. 🎧 Ready to stop living for others’ approval and start living as you? Tune in now and learn how to liberate yourself from the Nice Cage—once and for all. ---------------------- A couple of weeks into a new year, a quiet question tends to surface—sometimes with excitement, sometimes with dread: Is this year actually going to be different? Not in the hype-driven, “crush your goals” sense. Not in the motivational-poster version of change. But in the places that matter most. In how you feel inside. In how free you feel socially. In whether you finally stop holding back, second-guessing yourself, or feeling like you’re never quite enough—no matter how much you achieve on the outside. That’s the territory we’re stepping into here. Not weight loss. Not business optimization. Not productivity hacks. Those matter, sure—but they’re not my wheelhouse. What I help people change is something deeper: social confidence, emotional freedom, the ability to be fully yourself without fear, apology, or chronic self-monitoring. And the truth is, most people don’t fail to change because they lack desire. They fail because they’re choosing comfort over truth. Why Comfort Is the Silent Enemy of Real Change When people say they want to change—be more confident, build deeper relationships, speak up, date, lead, or finally feel like they belong—the question isn’t what they want. The real question is: Are they actually going to do the things required to get it? Most people aren’t lying to others about their intentions. They’re lying to themselves. They say they’re “working on it.”They read books.They listen to podcasts.They talk things through with therapists, coaches, or even AI. And all of that can be valuable. But here’s the hard truth I’ve seen over and over again: You can work on something for years without ever transforming it. Because working on it can still be comfortable. Talking about change is comfortable.Understanding your patterns is comfortable.Analyzing your past is comfortable. Transformation is not. The Difference Between a Challenge and a Core Challenge Some difficulties in life are seasons. Others are core challenges. A core challenge isn’t something everyone goes through in the same way. It’s a recurring pattern that stays with you for years—sometimes decades—unless something fundamentally shifts. For some people, that’s addiction.For others, chronic pain.For many professionals I work with, it’s social confidence, belonging, and self-worth. If you’ve been trying to feel more confident or connected for years—and despite effort, insight, and intention, you still feel stuck—that’s a sign you’re dealing with something core. And core challenges don’t resolve through “tending.” They resolve through new experiences. Why Insight Alone Isn’t Enough Understanding why you’re anxious doesn’t cure anxiety. Knowing where people-pleasing came from doesn’t automatically free you from it. Because the real issue underneath social anxiety and excessive niceness isn’t tactics—it’s relationship. Your relationship with yourself.Your relationship with other people.Your belief about whether you’re lovable, acceptable, and safe to be seen. That belief doesn’t change through thinking. It changes through risk. You have to risk being more real.You have to risk saying no.You have to risk being visible, honest, imperfect, and human. And when you do—with the right structure and support—something extraordinary happens: You discover that you survive.You discover that people don’t leave.You discover that you can handle discomfort. And slowly, your nervous system learns a new truth. Looking at the map doesn’t get you across the bridge. You have to walk it. Why Most People Stay Stuck (Even When They’re Trying) What I see again and again is this pattern: People avoid discomfort.Then they decide to “work on themselves.”But they choose a comfortable way to do it. And when comfort is the priority, deep change never happens. So they try again next year.And the year after that.And five years later, they’re still saying, “I’m working on it.” Eventually doubt creeps in. Maybe this can’t change.Maybe this is just who I am.Maybe I waited too long. And that doubt becomes ...
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    27 min
  • Nice People Don't Care Too Much

    Nice People Don't Care Too Much
    Jan 6 2026
    Think you care too much about other people’s feelings? Think again. In this bold kickoff to 2026, Dr. Aziz pulls back the curtain on the real reason “nice people” overextend themselves, struggle to say no, and feel constantly responsible for everyone’s emotions. Spoiler alert: it’s not because they care too much—it’s because they’re trying to stay safe. Deep down, many people-pleasing behaviors are driven by fear, guilt, and the unconscious belief that your worth hinges on making others happy. In this eye-opening episode, you’ll learn: Why over-functioning and “caring” often mask codependencyThe hidden emotional cost of being overly responsibleHow niceness traps you in an outdated identity that’s not really youThe essential difference between real care and fear-based appeasementWhy it’s time to update your inner operating system—not just tweak your habits If you’ve ever said yes when you wanted to say no, answered texts out of anxiety, or felt guilty for simply protecting your time and energy, this episode will speak to your soul. And it will challenge you to finally liberate yourself from the nice person identity and step into the bold, authentic leader you were meant to be. Dr. Aziz also shares a powerful invitation to make 2026 the year you fully upgrade your life—starting with your confidence. Tune in, commit, and get ready to reclaim your freedom. -------------------------------------------- Why “caring” can be fear in disguise—and how to break free from the Nice Cage Most people start the new year thinking about goals: relationships, health, career, money, confidence. But underneath all of that, there’s a deeper goal. Liberation. Liberation from the old identity. Liberation from the old operating system. Liberation from social anxiety, people-pleasing, self-doubt… and the nice cage that keeps you small. And today I want to challenge one of the biggest beliefs that keeps “nice” people trapped: Nice people don’t actually care too much. That might sound surprising—because nice people often feel like they care more than everyone else. They feel guilty if someone’s upset. They say yes when they want to say no. They carry other people’s emotions like they’re responsible for them. And they tell themselves: “I care about them, so I can’t disappoint them.”“If I say no, it means I don’t care.”“If they’re struggling, who am I to refuse?”“A good person should help.” But here’s what I want you to see: When it feels like you care too much… it often isn’t caring at all. It’s something else masquerading as care. The Nice Cage: When “being good” becomes self-erasure Niceness can feel like virtue. It can feel like love. It can feel like generosity. It can feel like being a “good person.” But a lot of the time, niceness is actually a strategy—an unconscious survival strategy—to stay safe. Because underneath niceness is a fear that sounds like: “If I upset people, I’ll be rejected.”“If I disappoint them, I’ll be abandoned.”“If they’re angry with me, I’m not safe.”“If I don’t keep them happy… I’m bad.” So niceness becomes a cage: you keep trying to be acceptable, agreeable, harmless. And the cost? You don’t live your life. You live a managed version of yourself. The big misunderstanding: “Caring” vs. fear Nice people don’t actually care too much. They often have something else running the show: 1) Codependence Codependence is basically: “I’m okay if you’re okay. And if you’re not okay… I’m not okay.” So if someone is happy, you relax. If someone is disappointed, irritated, stressed, or hurt—you go into emergency mode. Your hair is on fire. “What do you need?” “How do I fix this?” “How do I make it right?” And it feels like caring. But really, it’s fear. 2) Over-responsibility This is the core belief behind niceness: “I am responsible for your emotional state.” Not that you’re responsible to feed someone like a baby— but you feel responsible for whether they’re upset. So you avoid saying no. You avoid being direct. You avoid expressing your truth. You override your own needs. Because if they’re upset… you feel like you’ve done something wrong. The “or else” feeling: the clearest sign it’s fear Here’s one of the easiest ways to tell whether something is care or fear: If it has an “or else” feeling—it’s fear. “I have to respond right now… or else.” “I have to say yes… or else.” “I have to make them happy… or else.” “I can’t disappoint them… or else.” That “or else” is not love. That “or else” is survival mode. And it’s usually not about the current situation—it’s an old pattern repeating itself. Why niceness drains your vitality Here’s the truth that many nice people don’t want to look at: You will not be fully alive in the nice operating system. At best, you can ...
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    22 min
  • Become Doubtless - How To Believe In Yourself And Trust In Life

    Become Doubtless - How To Believe In Yourself And Trust In Life
    Dec 16 2025
    What if your self-doubt wasn’t something you had to live with? What if you could become truly doubtless—able to believe in yourself fully and trust life, no matter what? In today’s powerful episode, Dr. Aziz shares the origin story and key insights behind his brand new book Doubtless: How to Believe in Yourself and Trust in Life. You’ll learn how self-doubt forms, why it persists even after personal growth, and how it subtly robs you of joy, freedom, and authenticity. Dr. Aziz explores the deeper armor we all build to protect ourselves—and how that same armor becomes a cage. He introduces a new way forward: a path of liberation, where you build not just unshakable self-confidence, but a living trust in life itself. If you've ever felt like fear or inner control mechanisms are holding you back—especially after achieving outer success—this episode will speak directly to your soul. Plus, discover how to get your copy of Doubtless and join the free masterclass to start your own journey.--------------------------------------- What if the thing holding you back isn’t a lack of confidence—but a lack of trust? Most people assume that self-doubt means you don’t believe in yourself enough. And while that’s partly true, it’s only half the story. Because even when you do believe in yourself—your skills, your intelligence, your capability—you can still feel anxious, guarded, and unsure deep down. That’s where doubtlessness comes in. Being doubtless isn’t about hyping yourself up or convincing yourself you’re amazing. It’s a state of being where self-doubt no longer runs the show. Where you trust yourself and trust life enough to move forward, even when you don’t have certainty, guarantees, or perfect understanding. Self-doubt often disguises itself as being “reasonable.” It sounds cautious. Mature. Sensible. But underneath, it’s usually a protective strategy—something you learned long ago to avoid pain, rejection, or humiliation. Maybe you were laughed at when you expressed yourself. Maybe you were judged, criticized, or shut down. And somewhere along the way, you built armor. That armor may have helped you survive. But years later, it quietly becomes a cage. “Self-doubt isn’t wisdom—it’s armor that’s grown too tight.” Doubt shows up in familiar ways: questioning your instincts, dismissing your desires, postponing what matters to you, or needing to fully understand something before you allow yourself to act. It keeps you stuck in your head, trying to control outcomes, emotions, and even life itself. And control feels safer than uncertainty—until you realize how much aliveness it costs. Some of the most meaningful moments in life don’t come from certainty or logic. They come from letting yourself be moved. From trusting an inner pull you can’t fully explain. From allowing life to move through you without needing to justify every step. That’s the difference between believing in yourself and trusting life. Believing in yourself gives you courage to act. Trusting life gives you permission to let go. And both are required to truly become doubtless. Becoming doubtless isn’t a switch you flip or a quote you memorize. It’s something you cultivate over time—like building a muscle and tending a garden at once. You create the conditions. You learn to recognize how doubt hooks you. You stop obeying its rules. And gradually, something new grows: a quieter mind, a more grounded body, and a deeper sense of inner safety. From that place, authenticity becomes natural. Connection feels less forced. Decisions feel clearer. You don’t need certainty to move forward anymore—you need alignment. And when you start living this way, life begins to feel less like a battle you must win and more like a relationship you can trust. That’s the invitation of doubtlessness. Not to eliminate fear entirely—but to stop letting fear decide who you get to be. Because when doubt no longer runs your life, what opens up isn’t just confidence—it’s freedom. And that freedom allows you to finally be 100% you. Get the Book on Amazon Purchase Become Doubtless on Amazon (Kindle & Paperback):👉 https://a.co/d/5hdcSYXBook Bonuses & Resources Access bonus materials, masterclasses, and companion resources for the book: 👉 www.socialconfidencecenter.com/doubtlessbook Learn more about Dr. Aziz, his work, and coaching programs: 👉 www.socialconfidencecenter.com/
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    25 min
  • When Self-Confidence Isn't Enough

    When Self-Confidence Isn't Enough
    Dec 9 2025
    🌟 In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz explores a surprising truth that almost no one talks about: self-confidence alone can only take you so far. If you’ve ever worked hard to become more confident—only to still feel anxious, overwhelmed, or like the next level of life is somehow out of reach—this conversation will hit home. Dr. Aziz breaks down what he calls the self-confidence ceiling—the invisible limit you run into once you’ve taken risks, pushed yourself, built skills, and created a good life… and yet still feel anxious, grasping, or afraid of losing what you’ve built. Through stories of his own journey and powerful metaphors (the famous red, green, and gold balls), he reveals why success can sometimes increase anxiety, and what deeper ingredient is needed to finally feel grounded, secure, and free. You’ll discover why confidence without trust eventually collapses under its own weight, and why true liberation comes from pairing “believe in yourself” with something bigger: a lived sense of trust in life itself. This subtle shift unlocked a profound transformation in Dr. Aziz’s relationships, peace, and purpose—and it’s the core of his upcoming book Doubtless. Packed with insight, humor, and honest personal stories, this episode invites you into a new phase of growth—beyond performance, beyond proving yourself, and into a deeper kind of freedom. 🎧 Ready to break past your self-confidence ceiling and step into something greater? Tune in now and learn the missing piece that makes confidence finally feel effortless, stable, and real. ------------------------ When Self-Confidence Isn’t Enough There’s a moment in your growth when you look around at your life and think: “Shouldn’t I feel better than this?” You’ve worked hard. You’ve pushed yourself. You’ve taken the risks, had the breakthroughs, improved your relationships, built your career, maybe even created a life that younger you never thought was possible. And yet… the anxiety doesn’t fully go away. It shifts. It takes on a new shape. That’s what this episode dives into—the surprising point where self-confidence stops being enough, and why so many high-functioning, self-aware people suddenly feel overwhelmed, afraid, or “on edge” right when life gets good. I call this moment the Self-Confidence Ceiling. In this episode, I share how I personally smashed into that ceiling—even after overcoming years of social anxiety, breaking free from people-pleasing, building deep relationships, and creating work I love. I thought I had “made it.” But instead of peace, I found myself more anxious than ever… not because life was bad, but because it was good. Really good. When you’ve been pulling red balls for years—rejections, setbacks, pain—you learn how to handle the struggle. But when you start pulling green balls—love, success, connection, purpose—suddenly you have something precious to lose. And that’s where fear can explode. “The better it gets, the more danger your nervous system predicts.” Maybe you’ve felt that too. That tightening in your chest when things are going well. That fear that the other shoe is about to drop. That constant scanning for what might go wrong. This isn’t a failure of confidence—this is the boundary line between self-confidence and something deeper: trust in life. For years I could talk about trust, teach trust, write about trust. But emotionally? Physically? Nervously? I didn’t trust anything. Not the good. Not the stability. Not the love. Not the blessing of a beautiful home, two little boys, my marriage, my work, my clients, my health—none of it felt safe. I was hypervigilant, checking for danger everywhere. And I had no idea why. This episode walks through the moment everything shifted—when I realized I wasn’t facing a skill problem or a mindset problem. I was facing a faith problem. Not faith in a religious sense, but a faith in life, in goodness, in the unseen forces that hold us, guide us, and love us even when our minds doubt it. It’s the journey that led to my new book, Doubtless: How to Believe in Yourself and Trust in Life, which is finally coming out next week. (We’re putting the finishing touches on it now!) And on the release week, I’ll be teaching a free live masterclass on how to stop living in fear and finally trust the good in your life. I’ll share the link as soon as it’s ready. Make sure you’re on my email list so you don’t miss it. If you’ve ever felt like your anxiety shouldn’t be this strong… if you’ve ever wondered why success still comes with fear… if you’ve ever sensed that self-confidence alone can’t lift the weight you’re carrying… this episode will speak directly to your heart. Because you’re not broken. You’re not failing. You’re simply bumping into your next breakthrough. And on the other side of that ceiling is a life of freedom, connection, gratitude,...
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    27 min
  • Stop Fearing Others Feelings

    Stop Fearing Others Feelings
    Dec 2 2025
    In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz dives into one of the most subtle yet powerful patterns that drives social anxiety and people-pleasing: the fear of other people’s feelings. Ever find yourself unable to say no, worrying you’ve upset someone, or constantly trying to make sure everyone feels okay, even at your own expense? This episode exposes the hidden contract behind those patterns: the belief that you’re responsible for managing other people’s emotional states. Whether it’s guilt when someone’s sad, panic when they’re angry, or discomfort even when they admire you, this episode helps you finally break free. You’ll learn how this core fear is rooted in outdated childhood wiring and how you can begin to rewire your system so you’re no longer held hostage by others’ moods. Through powerful examples and real-life metaphors, Dr. Aziz shows you a way out of emotional over-responsibility and into a life of greater freedom, truth, and inner peace. You’re not here to manage everyone’s feelings. You’re here to live your life.” 🎧 Ready to stop walking on eggshells and reclaim your emotional freedom? Tune in now and learn how to stay centered even when others feel upset.----------------------------------------------------------- Ever feel like you’re walking through life on emotional eggshells? You say yes when you want to say no. You soften your words to avoid upsetting someone. You apologize even when you haven’t done anything wrong. If you relate to that—this message is for you. Because what’s really going on isn’t just conflict avoidance… it’s fear. Specifically, the fear of other people’s feelings. The Hidden Fear Driving Nice People Most “nice” people think their problem is caring too much. But beneath that is a quiet, anxious belief: “If they feel bad, it means I’m bad.” You might not say that out loud, but it runs the show. Someone’s disappointed in you? You feel guilt. Someone’s angry? You feel panic. Someone’s sad? You feel pressure to fix it. It’s as if their emotions automatically become your responsibility. But here’s the truth: you were never meant to manage other people’s feelings. The Unspoken Contract You Never Signed Somewhere along the way, you adopted a silent rule: “It’s my job to make sure everyone around me feels good.” This “emotional management contract” runs deep. It might have started in childhood—trying to keep peace in your family, soothe a stressed parent, or calm the tension in the room. Over time, your nervous system learned: Safety = everyone else is okay. That worked back then. But as an adult, it keeps you trapped. You become hyperaware of others’ moods, scan faces for disapproval, and feel anxious any time someone around you is upset. “You can’t live your purpose if you’re constantly managing everyone’s emotions.” How to Break the Contract Freedom begins with a radical new truth: You are not responsible for anyone else’s emotional state. That doesn’t mean you stop caring or turn cold. It means you stop trying to control how others feel. When someone is upset, you can still be kind, compassionate, and curious—without collapsing into guilt or scrambling to fix it. You might say, “I hear that this is hard for you,” while also staying grounded in your own truth. This is emotional adulthood. Two people. Two nervous systems. Each responsible for their own feelings. The Practice of Emotional Freedom Start simple. When you notice that urge to make someone feel better, pause. Take a breath and remind yourself: “They are an adult. They can manage their own emotions. I can manage mine.” That single thought reclaims your energy, your peace, and your presence. Over time, you’ll stop flinching when people are upset. You’ll stop over-apologizing. You’ll stop fearing disapproval. And you’ll start showing up as the real you, grounded, open, and free. You Can Be Loving Without Losing Yourself Being kind doesn’t mean being controlled. Being compassionate doesn’t mean being compliant. You can love deeply and hold your center. The next time someone around you feels disappointed, angry, or sad—let them. You don’t have to fix it. You just have to stay present. Because when you stop fearing others’ feelings, you finally start living your own life.
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    24 min
  • Healing The Cause Of Social Anxiety & People Pleasing

    Healing The Cause Of Social Anxiety & People Pleasing
    Nov 18 2025
    In this vulnerable and revealing episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz returns from a life-changing couples workshop with a fresh insight into what really causes social anxiety and people-pleasing and how to heal it from the inside out. Most people try to overcome self-doubt by repeating affirmations, striving harder, or becoming their “ideal” version of themselves. But as Dr. Aziz explains, this fantasy self is actually wrapped around a much deeper wound: a core belief that we’re not enough or not lovable as we are. Drawing from powerful moments during the retreat, he unpacks how insecure attachment leads to chronic feelings of unworthiness and how our attempts to “fix” ourselves only deepen the cycle. You’ll learn how the path to lasting confidence doesn’t come from becoming more, but from reconnecting with your authentic self, one that is already whole and worthy. Using a powerful metaphor of braided ropes, Dr. Aziz helps you see the loop you might be caught in and how to step out of it for good. "Everything is changeable. 100%. It’s not about becoming someone else. It’s about coming home to who you already are." Ready to heal the root of social anxiety and step into real freedom? Tune in now and rediscover your worth. ---------------------------------------------- Have you ever wondered why you still feel not enough, no matter how much you achieve, improve, or try to please? Why confidence sometimes feels like an act, and connection like a test you can fail? What if the real issue isn’t that you’re broken but that you were never fully bonded? In this episode, I want to take you deeper to the root of social anxiety and people pleasing. Because beneath the awkward moments, the self-doubt, and the endless striving lies something much more fundamental: a missing sense of I’m okay as I am. The Real Source of “I’m Not Enough” At the heart of social anxiety isn’t fear it’s disconnection. When you were young, something subtle but powerful happened: a gap formed between the love and security you needed and what your environment could provide. It wasn’t your fault, and it doesn’t mean your parents didn’t love you. But that gap created what psychologists call insecure attachment a deep, body-level sense of I’m not safe, I’m not held, I’m not enough. “Social anxiety and people pleasing aren’t personality flaws—they’re attachment wounds trying to feel safe.” That unease in your body becomes the foundation of every “I’m not enough” story: “I’m not interesting enough.” “I’m not attractive enough.” “I’m not confident enough.” We try to fix the feeling by building a better self—a “fantasy self”—that will finally be lovable. But that striving only tightens the knot. The Fantasy Self Trap When we feel not enough, we look for clues about who we should be. Dad liked when I was smart? Be the smart one. People admire success? Chase success. Everyone loves charm? Learn to perform. Piece by piece, you build your fantasy self the polished, perfect version of you who finally earns love, approval, and belonging. But here’s the painful secret: no matter how many boxes you check, the emptiness doesn’t go away. The rope of your life twists endlessly between two strands—the blue rope of not-enoughness, and the orange rope of the fantasy self. Around and around you go… striving, achieving, collapsing. Until you realize: the problem was never you. It was never the missing strand. It was believing you needed to become someone else to be loved. The Way Out: Relearning Love The healing of social anxiety and people pleasing isn’t about becoming your fantasy self—it’s about coming home to your real self. “You don’t need to earn love. You need to experience being loved as you are.” This isn’t theory. It’s a retraining of your nervous system—a gradual, embodied relearning that you are safe, seen, and worthy exactly as you are. You don’t fix it with affirmations. You heal it through experience: letting yourself be seen, receiving care, allowing love in. That’s the work and yes, it’s vulnerable. But it’s also freedom. Coming Home to Yourself This isn’t a quick fix. It’s a practice, like learning to move your body again after years of tension. You build it by showing up, by practicing openness, by letting go of the fantasy self one thread at a time. And then one day, you wake up and realize—you don’t need to become enough. You already are. Because confidence isn’t built on pretending to be someone else. It’s born the moment you finally allow yourself to be you.
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    26 min
  • How To Keep Going When You're Discouraged

    How To Keep Going When You're Discouraged
    Nov 4 2025

    In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz offers powerful insight into what to do when you feel like giving up. Whether you're trying to build confidence, face your fears, or push through challenges, there are times when progress feels slow and resistance feels overwhelming.

    Dr. Aziz unpacks the real reason we feel discouraged and why it’s often not about the actual results we’re getting. You'll discover how unrealistic expectations and unconscious comparisons can drain your motivation and how to shift back into momentum with self-compassion and clarity.

    Packed with honesty, humor, and actionable tools, this episode is a reminder that you're not broken, you’re just human. And the key to long-term change isn’t forcing yourself forward, but learning how to keep going with heart.

    🎧 Feeling stuck? Tune in now and reignite your courage to keep moving forward—no matter what.

    -------------------------------------

    Ever have one of those days where you just don’t have it in you?
    You’ve been working on your confidence, trying to speak up, take risks, connect more—but then something happens. You freeze in the meeting. The conversation flops. Someone says “no.” And suddenly that old voice kicks in:

    “See? You’ll never change.”

    That voice pulls you down fast. You stop taking action. You retreat. You tell yourself you’re “just busy” or “need a break.” But what’s really happening is something deeper—something every courageous human faces on the path to confidence.

    The Doubt Storm

    Whenever you stretch beyond your comfort zone, you awaken an old gravitational force I call the doubt storm.

    It’s that heavy pull toward discouragement, self-criticism, and hopelessness.
    You start circling the drain with thoughts like:

    “I’m never going to figure this out.”
    “Something’s wrong with me.”
    “It always ends this way.”

    And once that story takes over, it feels impossible to fight.

    But this is where real confidence begins—not in the easy wins, but in your capacity to weather the storm without giving up.

    “Confidence isn’t built in your victories. It’s built in the moments you refuse to quit.”

    1. Be the Mountain in the Storm

    The most powerful thing you can do when discouragement hits isn’t to fix it—it’s to stop running from it.

    Imagine yourself as a mountain. The storm comes, winds howl, rain lashes against you—but the mountain doesn’t move. It stays steady.

    Set a timer for five minutes. Sit. Breathe.
    Notice what’s happening:

    • Breath. Feel the air move in and out.

    • Thinking. Name the thoughts: “thinking.”

    • Feeling. Name the emotion: “sadness,” “fear,” “frustration.”

    • Sensation. Notice where it lives in your body.

    • Sound. Listen to the room around you.

    This practice grounds you. You don’t have to solve the storm—just outlast it. It always passes.

    2. Recenter: How Am I Steering?

    Once the storm quiets, you’ll see clearly again.
    Now ask yourself:

    “How am I steering my life right now?”

    Most suffering doesn’t come from circumstances—it comes from how we’re relating to them.
    You can’t control if someone says yes or no. You can’t control the outcome of a meeting or a date.
    But you can control how you show up.

    “You can’t steer the storm, but you can steer yourself.”

    Choose to play the long game. Choose curiosity over desperation. Choose connection over control.

    3. Keep Showing Up

    Your only real job is to keep showing up for your growth. Not perfectly. Not fearlessly. Just consistently.

    Because every time you face a setback and keep going, you’re reprogramming the story of who you are—from “someone who can’t” to “someone who persists.”

    You’ve Got This

    Confidence isn’t a straight line. It’s a spiral—up, down, forward, backward. But if you stay in the process long enough, you will win.

    You’ll speak freely, connect deeply, and move through life with the calm power of someone who knows their worth.

    So when the next storm comes, don’t panic.
    Be the mountain.
    Breathe.

    And remember: this is how confidence is built—one courageous choice at a time.
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    21 min