You can run (in circles) but you can’t hide from the panopticon, so of course we had to make our first episode of season four all about how surveillance culture plays out in relationships and sex.

If you’ve not heard of the extremely esoteric (joking!) philosopher Foucault, don’t worry – we start the episode explaining exactly what panopticon theory is and why you should care, before diving into how we’re policing each other in every aspect of our relationships.

You’ll be thankful to hear it’s not all theory, because we look at examples of panopticism in pop culture, like boyfriends being embarrassing and the Coldplay kiss cam (RIP that CEO) and discuss how this behaviour is slipping into our real lives. From telling our friends their boyfriends suck in group chats, to waiting for them to slip up on social media or IRL so we can cut them off, we’re all becoming cops in our relationships.

While some kind of accountability is always needed, especially when it comes to casual dating, we talk about why this rise in surveillance is making us change our own behaviour and how it’s only making things worse for minorities in particular (classic!).

We hope you enjoy the episode. We’ll be back with two free episodes each month, but if you want to hear more you can subscribe to us over on Substack @sextras for exclusive advice episodes and access to exclusive features and personal essays all about sex and dating.

You can also find us on Instagram and TikTok @sextrasworld, or get in touch with your own experiences or what you want to hear at sextraspodcast@gmail.com. We’ll see you in a couple of weeks with the first guest episode of the season and we can’t wait… dare we say we’ve missed you?!

Hosted by Honey Jane Wyatt and guest hosted by Daniella Parete Clarke.

Music by Sacha Puttnam.

Skip to:

2m10: Intro

8m22: The panopticon of dating

24m37: Gen Z is afraid of being cringe

30:20: Helicopter parenting and friend-policing

45m: West Elm Caleb and the Coldplay Kiss

59m24: How surveillance culture impacts queer relationships

1h10m: West End Girl, and how the panopticon upholds systems of power

1m19: What to look out for this season (and subscribe to the Substack pretty please!)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It’s been (nearly) five years since we started the podcast and, while we’ve been on a shamefully long hiatus, we thought it would be just about time we reflected on what exactly we’ve learned about sex and relationships.

We discuss how our perception of sex, relationships, and friendship have evolved from the start of our 20s to our mid-20s (ew), from going after lots of sex at university for validation and attention, to discovering how sex fits into our lives as adults in evolving relationships.

Honey tells us what she has learned through each relationship and breakup since starting the podcast, and her journey from being in a sex-heavy relationship, to celibacy, and eventually re-learning her pleasure. Maria explains how her six-year relationship has changed over the time, and reveals how being in a long-term relationship has impacted her sex life, and her own personal relationship with pleasure.

We also briefly discuss how we approach friendships differently now, compared to when we were at uni, and what life should look like in your 20s versus our real life experiences. Finally, we comment on Gen Z attitudes to sex, and how much our sexuality is impacted by broader societal attitudes to sex in culture. Attitudes to sex have changed a lot since we started the podcast, and we're excited (and equally terrified...) by how it's going to evolve for us and, more importantly, for all of you!

Thanks, as always, for listening <3. For more content on sex and relationships in your 20s, follow us on TikTok or Instagram @sextrasworld or find our digital magazine and more episodes of the podcast on our website.

You can contact us to let us know what you want to hear next on our social media, or at sextraspodcast@gmail.com. We hope you enjoyed and we'll be back soon (?) with another episode.

Edited by Maria

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sextras is back! Once again it's been a while but we promise it's for good reason and we get into why in this little catch up episode.

We start with the headlines, namely revealing a new relationship, the challenges of living with a partner, moving out of a family home, and the fact that neither of us are unemployed any longer.

Honey discusses moving out of her family home for the first time at 24, the shame of still living at home in your 20s and how relationships with your family change once you've moved out.

She reveals she has a girlfriend (full 180, all or nothing baby!) and discusses what it's been like having a healthy, committed relationship for the first time as an adult. She also gives some insight into what it's like telling someone you're dating that you have a sex and relationships podcast (lol).

Meanwhile, Maria has been living with her boyfriend (now of five years) for over a year so she delves into what sharing a space with a partner has been like, and how it's changed over time. She reflects on whether she's gotten any better at setting boundaries with her boyfriend, especially when it comes to dividing household chores, and putting up with a man's standards of cleanliness.

Lastly, they both discuss how they dealt with being unemployed for so long in their 20s; the desperation, shame, and low self esteem (holy trinity) that come with that and our thoughts on finally being employed.

Thanks for listening! For more content on sex and relationships in your 20s, follow us on TikTok or Instagram @sextrasworld or find our digital magazine and more episodes of the podcast on our website.

You can contact us to let us know what you want to hear next on our social media, or at sextraspodcast@gmail.com. We hope you enjoyed and we'll be back next month with another episode!

Edited by Maria

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.