Come back aboard the SITC submarine for the next descent into the trenches of taboo, where sexy sea creatures seamlessly seduce bone-headed humans.

Captain Torie is joined again by film critic and First Mate, Ziah Grace, for a delightful submersion into one of the best, boldest, and most ingenious takes on The Little Mermaid to ever grace the silver screen: the Polish, punk-rock, Eastern Bloc fever dream, THE LURE (2015).

This is a tale of two sisters: Silver (light) and Golden (dark). After spotting a found family-assembled rock band playing on the shore, these nubile young mermaids each hatch a pair of legs and migrate to the metro-capitalist world of their bipedal contemporaries. But horny humans beware, pretty mermaids are not mere trifles. Like mankind, they contain multitudes of facets: monster, maiden, lover, killer, seductress, sister… the list goes on.

Highlights include kaleidoscopic musical numbers, creature feature-worthy and subversively girthy tails, accurately fishy vaginas, the intersection of female body politics and misogyny, the infatuated euphoria of first love, the tragedy of self-sacrifice, and the sacred bond of sisterhood. Torie also reveals some meta-contextual backstory regarding her musician ex-boyfriends, who bear a striking resemblance to the floppy-haired bass-playing “Prince.”

Hop on the SITC Submarine because we’re plummeting into the watery, murky depths of interspecies sex. This deep blue beyond is where fish and fowl Neptune and chill.

For this first journey beneath the waves, Torie is joined by Ziah Grace, Austin Chronicle “Best of Austin” 2025 nominee for Best Film Critic and misanthropic beach boy, to soak in Guillermo del Toro’s 2018 Best Picture Oscar winner, THE SHAPE OF WATER.

Prepare yourself for an hour of Siskel and Ebert-coded bickering over a mediocre movie. Highlights include Torie’s monster fetish, Ziah’s impassioned response to an unjust cat murder, a profusion of eggs and egg timers, Torie’s abhorrence for men with long hair, squirting geysers, and Ziah’s supreme vexation over the creature’s phallic AF genitals (the fish dick).

Despite some differences in opinions, both parties agree that Sally Hawkins’s performance was one of Cinema’s all-time best and that Guillermo del Toro robbed his audiences by refusing to give us explicit (yet romantic) fish f**king.

We’ve arrived at the bitter end. Torie and returning special guests Chelsey Morin and Thien-Y Hoang make their final trip to the 50 shades of garbage dump searching for anything of substance in the final installment of this trash film trilogy. Alas, 50 SHADES FREED proves the third time is not the charm.

Sulky sub Anastasia Steele and Dom daddy Christian Grey tie the knot (figuratively, not literally, this time). Their marital bliss is soon interrupted by Ana’s former misogynist boss, Jack, and his desire for vengeance against Christian, which still doesn't make sense, as well as a certain unplanned you-know-what that drives a wedge between Ana and Christian, who proves, even after three insufferable movies, that he remains an unhinged, narcissistic a**hole.

What ensues is two hours of blatant misogyny, buttplug pleasures, adventures on the Aspen club scene, painfully asinine car chases, a kidnapping of Rita Ora, a profoundly obnoxious performance of ”Maybe I’m Amazed,” and the confounding absence of a prenup. And through it all, like some absurd monument to early 00s mallboi masculinity, are Christian’s cherished pair of Hollister Men’s jeans.

SPOILER WARNING: This episode contains spoilers through the season finale of Heated Rivalry.

With the conclusion of Season 1, all us HR fans are sitting and processing our thoughts and feelings about the sleekly operatic, often playful, heart-throbbing, and ingeniously sincere story we just witnessed. Think pieces are bounteous across the editorial planes and the feelings are REAL. Torie and Billy discuss what Heated Rivalry means to each of them, and the deeper societal meaning around the whirlwind impact of this miraculous show.

*Note to the listeners*- For the most pleasurable listening experience, lube up with our January 2024 episode covering Sarah Drew’s A Cowboy Christmas Romance before you tune in.

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We’re returning to the 50 Shades of garbage dump soon, but in light of this festive season, SITC all-star guest star, Cecilia Conti, joins Torie to incinerate the most recent(ish) installment of sugar & spice from Limetime™’s own formula-disrupting vixen, Sarah Drew.

Her Cowboy-themed roll in the hay, A Cowboy Christmas Romance, made history as the first Lifetime™ holiday film to feature a “sex scene.” Sarah Drew is back with her sophomore feature that puts the WOOD in woodworking: A CARPENTER CHRISTMAS ROMANCE (2024).

This explicitly My So Called Life-coded narrative follows nerdy(ish) romantasy writer Andrea back to her sort-of hometown, Wildwood, for an unplugged Christmas stay due to a scandalous leak of the final book in her stupid series. To her surprise, she reconnects with Seth, her old, Jordan Catelano-esque but née jock crush, Seth. Complications arise with the presence of Seth’s tenant, Aiko, and her cloying children. Is Seth still a f**kboi or is he a nice guy now?

SPOILER WARNING: This episode contains spoilers through episode 4 of HEATED RIVALRY

Reference Links:

The Rite of Spring: Joffrey Ballet 1987 Rite of Spring (1 of 3)

Prelude to the Afternoon of a Faun: L'Apres-midi d'un Faune Ballet performed by the Joffrey Ballet

Torie and special guests Chelsey Morin and Thien-Y Hoang return to the 50 Shades of Grey garbage dump for the second installment in this stinking landfill of a film franchise, 50 SHADES DARKER. Don't bother to bring a shovel.

After being broken up for 2.5 seconds, newly deflowered Anastasia Steele and hunky millionaire Dom Christian Grey rekindle their love and get into a full-on relationship. As their "intimacy" grows, Anastasia learns more about Christian's dark past and meets some of the (many) skeletons in his closet.

What ensues is two hours of even more sociopathic behavior, somewhat less sexy "S&M" sex scenes, a dash of gun violence, a lavish masked ball fundraiser, a pair of Ben Wa balls, even more Hollister men's jeans, poor restaurant etiquette, workplace sexual harassment, and more. We also meet a less-than-colorful cast of new characters, including Christian's former Mommy Dom "Mrs. Robinson," played by Kim Basinger, Anna's misogynistic new boss, Jack Hyde, and one of Christian's former pets/hostages, Leila.

Welcome back, cinephiles and perverts, and welcome to Season Two of Sex in the Cinema!!!

To kick off Season Two, Torie is joined by Angelenos and expert hate-watchers Chelsey Morin and Thien-Y Hoang to demolish the cultural phenomenon that was the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy. From its humble beginnings in a Twilight fanfiction forum, to the published printed page, all the way to the silver screen, this gross disservice to the kink community turned on the world.

For SITC’s Season Two Premiere, we’re tackling the first installment of the trilogy, 50 SHADES OF GREY. Released in 2015 and directed by Sam Taylor-Johnson (wife of Aaron Taylor-Johnson, mind you), this film launched the careers of usually good actors Dakota Johnson and Jaimie Dornan.

Mousy brunette super-virgin Anastasia Steele’s simple life turns upside down when she meets sexy billionaire (and apparent Never Nude), Christian Grey. Anastasia soon finds out Christian doesn’t do relationships, but he does enjoy “various physical pursuits.” Namely, kidnapping women and coercing them into dom/sub relationships of very questionable ethics.

What ensues is two hours of sociopathic behavior, painful lack of chemistry, horrifically awful dialogue, NDAs and contracts, too many needle drops, countless glasses of unconsumed white wine, mostly vanilla sex, an apparent proclivity for Hollister men’s jeans, a dusting of taboo slap & tickle, one impressive den of iniquity set, and wayyyyyy too many red flags.

So bust out those handcuffs and settle in for the long haul because, in the words of Christian Grey, there’s “no escaping now…”