This week we are getting a little too invested in cheerleader tryouts while we discuss “Witch”! We advocate for Black Philip joining the gang, wonder where the accursed mascot from the movie went and how long until he strikes again, debate whether or not cool kids are on yearbook, and ask whether Buffy realizes she’s friends with nerds. We’re talking Cordelia spending too much time on the Skyrim character creation screen, too many VVITCH jokes, #midwestmoment, and the importance of following recipe instructions. Apply to witch.

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This week we are attempting to avoid this low-stakes apocalypse while we discuss “The Harvest”! We’re talking Xander and Willow getting The (vampire) Talk, whether The Master is a Star Trek villain, the need for a Slayer onboarding checklist, if this is the first time Giles is ever seeing a computer, and Joyce’s valiant effort to be stern and ground Buffy. We wonder what the point of The Master jiggling the air all the time is, try and fail to come up with some workable Slayer puns, get sad because Buffy’s not used to having friends, and follow up on the vampires = demons situation. We’re planting our flag early: Giles/Joyce when?

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This week we are firing up the TV show proper while we discuss “Welcome to the Hellmouth”! We’re talking Sunnydale’s one creepy alley and its sign-up sheet, how gymnasts hate Buffy, the surprising appearance of the Alien Bounty Hunter, and discover what Bovril is. We would like to shield you from this knowledge, but we can’t. We wonder if teen clubs are real, try to figure out if Luke is wearing a pooka shell necklace, Amanda tries to hold in contempt for David Boreanaz, and Ella has a bit of an I Saw the TV Glow moment. Birthright word count: uncountable.

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