Why Do We Focus on the Negative and How Can We Shift Our Mindset?

In this episode, Christy Hughes shares her insights on common cognitive biases like negativity bias and confirmation bias, illustrated through stories from her recent book club experience, her personal journey in podcasting, and reflections on Greek mythology. She explores how these biases influence our perceptions, decision-making, and communication, and offers practical tips on cultivating gratitude, reframing situations, and expanding our perspectives to live more intentionally and confidently.

Key Topics:

• What is negativity bias and how does it affect daily life?
• What is confirmation bias and how does it shape our beliefs?
• What is the difference between negativity bias and confirmation bias?
• What can we learn from a book club discussion about bias and perspective?
• How does the “1 in 100” mindset show up in everyday thinking?
• How can gratitude help reduce negativity bias?
• How do we reframe stressful situations in a more positive way?
• Why do we seek information that confirms what we already believe?
• How can curiosity help us challenge our own beliefs?
• What can synchronicity teach us about trusting our path?
• How do ancient beliefs about signs and omens connect to modern thinking?
• Why does your voice matter when sharing your perspective?

Resources & Links:

• Strong Roots, Wayward Soul - Christy Hughes
• Ann Patchett - Author
• The Shipyard Sisters - Coming Soon

Connect with Christy Hughes:

• Website
• Instagram
• Facebook

Feel free to leave reviews on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube to help grow the community dedicated to rocking the boat and living authentically.

Colette Jane Fehr, a licensed psychotherapist and author, shares her journey of becoming a traditionally published author and the insights from her book 'The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations That Create Secure Lasting Love'. We discuss how it feels to fufill a childhood dream at age 52, proving it's never too late to play it big!

Colette's book addresses conflict avoidance as the silent killer of relationships and the impact of emotional avoidance on communication and connection. Our conversation delves into the concept of avoidant attachment and the importance of emotional attunement in relationships. We also explore the idea of the 'sage self' and the significance of clear and compassionate communication in fostering healthy relationships. I share pitfalls in my own communication and how Colette's Blueprint worked for a recent conflict.

Big Nuggets from our talk:

• Conflict avoidance is the silent killer of relationships
• Emotional avoidance impacts communication and connection Avoidant attachment is a pattern of psychological relating characterized by fear of closeness and emotional intimacy.
• Clear and compassionate communication, grounded in the 'sage self,' is essential for fostering healthy relationships.

Website: colettejanefehr.com

Purchase The Cost of Quiet: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book

Substack: www.colettejanefehr.substack.com

Instagram & TikTok: @colettejanefehr

TEDx talk “Secrets from a Couples Therapist” : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tSUOB2yEd0

Chapters

• 00:00 The Journey to Becoming an Author
• 02:33 The Dream of Writing and the Magazine Business
• 04:33 Overcoming Challenges to Write the Book
• 06:34 Building a Platform and Traditional Publishing
• 16:51 The Impact of Emotional Avoidance on Relationships
• 25:11 Understanding Avoidant Attachment
• 30:09 The Sage Self and Mindful Communication
• 41:06 Challenging Relationship Myths and Practicing Vulnerability

The conversation explores the importance of setting boundaries, the power of using 'I don't' instead of 'I can't', and the management of emotions and relationships. It emphasizes the significance of speaking up and setting boundaries to lead a fulfilling life.

What I Discuss in this episode:

• How do you get clear on areas where you need to set boundaries?
• How can you start your boundaries with "I don't" to make them more clear and firm?
• How can a conflict avoider and enneagram 9 learn to speak up and not put themselves last?
• Why is it so hard to manage other people's feelings when we set boundaries?
• Learn more in this article:
  • https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-set-boundaries/

Need more help setting boundaries? Share this episode with a friend who can be your accountability partner!