Episode Summary:

In this episode of Rewired for Love, host JaCarie Owens dives into disorganized attachment, the attachment style formed when the person you needed for safety was also the source of fear.

JaCarie breaks down why disorganized attachment creates the push-pull pattern of craving love but not feeling safe in it, and how complex trauma, emotional instability, and generational survival can wire the body to associate closeness with danger.

Through powerful storytelling, nervous system education, and inner child healing work, this episode gives listeners the language to name their experience without shame and offers practical steps to begin rewiring their relationships toward calm, steady, secure love.

Key Takeaways:

• Disorganized attachment is the fear of abandonment and fear of engulfment at the same time.

• It forms when love and danger were mixed together in childhood.

• The push-pull pattern is a nervous system response, not a personality flaw.

• Many disorganized responses reflect trauma parts competing for control.

• Marginalized communities may experience layered complex trauma that intensifies attachment confusion.

• Healing is possible through repeated cues of safety, not self-blame.

• Calm can feel unfamiliar at first, but it is what the nervous system truly needs.

  
  

Reflection and Practices from the Episode:

• Grounding in the body to calm the attachment alarm system.

• Naming what is happening without shame (this is fear, this is not truth).

• Identifying trauma parts with curiosity instead of judgment.

• Replacing chaos with steady partners and consistent behavior.

• Shifting from shame language to compassion language.

• Inner child practice to create internal safety and reassurance.

  
  

Connect With Us:

• Write to Us: rewiredforlovepodcast@gmail.com

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/RewiredForLovePodcast

• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@RewiredForLovePodcast

• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@rewiredforlovepodcast

  
  

Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction to disorganized attachment and what it means

03:00 How disorganized attachment forms from complex trauma and instability

05:00 Story example: Siri and the push-pull pattern in adulthood

07:00 What disorganized attachment looks like in the nervous system (fight, flight, freeze, fawn)

09:00 What this attachment style truly longs for and needs

10:00 How to start healing: grounding, parts work, and repeated safety

12:00 Inner child practice and replacing shame with compassion

Music Credits: Music by FASSounds from Pixabay

Episode Summary:

In this episode of Rewired for Love, host JaCarie Owens breaks down avoidant attachment, the misunderstood attachment style that often hides behind independence, emotional control, and “I’m fine” energy. JaCarie explores how avoidance is not coldness or a lack of need, but the management of need, shaped by early experiences where support felt unreliable, and vulnerability did not feel safe.

Drawing from The Pain We Carry by Natalie G., this episode highlights how complex trauma, generational survival patterns, and racialized stress can lead to emotional numbness, self-reliance, and shutdown as protection.

Listeners will learn how avoidant attachment shows up in relationships, what avoidant partners often feel but do not say, and practical steps to heal by increasing emotional capacity, reconnecting with the body, and releasing shame around needing others.

Key Takeaways:

• Avoidant attachment is not the absence of need, it is the management of need.

• Many avoidant patterns come from early emotional neglect, dismissal, or inconsistency.

• Avoidance often looks like independence, but it is usually protection.

• Trauma often teaches disconnection from self before disconnection from others.

• Many people in marginalized communities learn adaptive emotional distancing for survival.

  
  

Reflection and Practices from the Episode:

• Reconnecting with the body through grounding and noticing shutdown cues.

• Allowing micro moments of vulnerability rather than emotional overexposure.

• Practicing naming emotions instead of disappearing emotionally.

• Challenging shame beliefs such as “I should not need anyone”.

• Visualizing and supporting the younger self who learned to stay strong and self-contained.

  
  

Connect With Us:

• Write to Us: rewiredforlovepodcast@gmail.com

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/RewiredForLovePodcast

• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@RewiredForLovePodcast

• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@rewiredforlovepodcast

  
  

Timestamps:

00:00 Welcome and episode introduction

01:10 What avoidant attachment really is and why it gets misunderstood

03:30 How complex trauma shapes emotional shutdown and hyper independence

06:15 Example story: Marcus and what avoidant attachment looks like in adulthood

09:00 What avoidant partners often feel but rarely say

10:00 Healing steps: body reconnection, micro vulnerability, releasing shame

13:00 Guided reflection and inner child practice

15:00 Closing thoughts and next episode invitation

Music Credits: Music by FASSounds from Pixabay

Episode Summary:

In this episode of Rewired for Love, host JaCarie Owens explores why love can feel overwhelming, activating, and anxiety-inducing, especially for people with anxious attachment and relational trauma. JaCarie breaks down how attachment wounds form, how trauma lives in the body, and why our nervous system often reacts before our logic can catch up.

Using real-life examples, cultural context, and compassionate nervous system education, this episode helps listeners understand that anxious attachment is not a flaw but a survival response shaped by inconsistency, loss, and chronic stress.

Listeners are guided through practical tools for grounding, self-compassion, and beginning the process of rewiring attachment patterns toward safety and security.

Key Takeaways:

• Anxious attachment develops when love is felt to be inconsistent or unpredictable.

• Trauma lives in the body, which is why anxiety shows up before logic.

• Love can feel unsafe when the nervous system associates closeness with survival.

• Cultural and generational trauma can intensify attachment anxiety.

• Overthinking, reassurance seeking, and fear of abandonment are protective strategies.

• Healing anxious attachment starts with safety, not self-judgment.

• Secure attachment is built through repeated experiences of calm and consistency.

  
  

Reflection and Practices from the Episode:

• Naming anxiety as a nervous system response rather than a personal failure.

• Grounding the body through breath, touch, and safety cues.

• Practicing receiving care without earning or performing for it.

• Offering compassion to the younger parts of yourself that learned to stay alert.

• Communicating needs in relationships without shame.

  
  

Connect With Us:

• Write to Us: rewiredforlovepodcast@gmail.com

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/RewiredForLovePodcast

• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@RewiredForLovePodcast

• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@rewiredforlovepodcast

  
  

Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction and recap of the Rewired for Love foundation

02:00 Why love feels like anxiety and how anxious attachment forms

06:00 How trauma and the nervous system shape relationship patterns

10:00 Anxious attachment in daily life and relationships

13:00 Grounding tools and nervous system regulation

16:00 Inner child and parts work for attachment healing

18:30 Reframing connection and practicing secure attachment

21:00 Weekly reflection, affirmations, and closing

Music Credits: Music by FASSounds from Pixabay