Episode Summary:

In this episode of Rewired for Love, host JaCarie Owens dives into disorganized attachment, the attachment style formed when the person you needed for safety was also the source of fear.

JaCarie breaks down why disorganized attachment creates the push-pull pattern of craving love but not feeling safe in it, and how complex trauma, emotional instability, and generational survival can wire the body to associate closeness with danger.

Through powerful storytelling, nervous system education, and inner child healing work, this episode gives listeners the language to name their experience without shame and offers practical steps to begin rewiring their relationships toward calm, steady, secure love.

Key Takeaways:

• Disorganized attachment is the fear of abandonment and fear of engulfment at the same time.

• It forms when love and danger were mixed together in childhood.

• The push-pull pattern is a nervous system response, not a personality flaw.

• Many disorganized responses reflect trauma parts competing for control.

• Marginalized communities may experience layered complex trauma that intensifies attachment confusion.

• Healing is possible through repeated cues of safety, not self-blame.

• Calm can feel unfamiliar at first, but it is what the nervous system truly needs.

  
  

Reflection and Practices from the Episode:

• Grounding in the body to calm the attachment alarm system.

• Naming what is happening without shame (this is fear, this is not truth).

• Identifying trauma parts with curiosity instead of judgment.

• Replacing chaos with steady partners and consistent behavior.

• Shifting from shame language to compassion language.

• Inner child practice to create internal safety and reassurance.

  
  

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Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction to disorganized attachment and what it means

03:00 How disorganized attachment forms from complex trauma and instability

05:00 Story example: Siri and the push-pull pattern in adulthood

07:00 What disorganized attachment looks like in the nervous system (fight, flight, freeze, fawn)

09:00 What this attachment style truly longs for and needs

10:00 How to start healing: grounding, parts work, and repeated safety

12:00 Inner child practice and replacing shame with compassion

Music Credits: Music by FASSounds from Pixabay