In this episode, Lilly breaks down why your feedback feels like criticism to your partner—even when you’re genuinely trying to help—and what you can do to shift that.

She explains the two reasons feedback lands like criticism: your conduct (the energy behind your words) and the absence of emotional safety in the relationship. She’ll walk you through the fear vs. love framework, redefine what “safety” actually means in a relationship, and give you a simple grounding tool to use before you walk through the door at the end of the workday.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

* Why your partner reacts to feedback like it’s criticism, even when you’re genuinely trying to help

* The two reasons feedback lands like criticism: conduct and absence of safety

* Why conduct (the energy behind your words) matters just as much as content (what you’re saying)

* The fear vs. love framework: words rooted in fear are repelled, words rooted in love are received

* What emotional safety actually means (and why it’s not just physical safety)

* How to tell if emotional safety is present in your relationship (the intimacy temperature check)

* Why feedback can’t land in a chronically activated relationship

* How to become the tuning fork for your family (vagal authority in your home)

* A simple grounding tool to use before you walk through the door at the end of the workday

Free Download:

Explode Shutdown Cycle Field Guide for LeadersIf you get home after work and find yourself exploding at the smallest things, then shutting down and withdrawing, this guide is for you.

Work with Lilly:

If you’re someone who explodes and then withdraws and shuts down, or you notice a lot of tension and turmoil in your home, reach out to Lilly. She’ll walk you through what nervous system work could do for your relationship.Email: support@lillyrachels.com

In this episode, Lilly breaks down what chronic activation is, how you get stuck in it, and what you can do about it. She’ll explain why you might feel like you’re always on alert, always in danger, always one step away from everything falling apart. And she’ll give you one simple resourcing tool that can help you access safety in your nervous system.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

* What chronic activation is and why you’ve stopped noticing it

* How chronic activation is like being sleep-deprived—you adapt, but you’re still declining internally

* Why you feel like you’re always on alert, always in danger, always one step away from everything falling apart

* The difference between sympathetic charge (activation) and parasympathetic safety (rest, connection, intimacy)

* Why high-functioning men go from highly activated to completely shut down at the end of the day (dorsal vagal collapse)

* What resourcing is and how it helps your nervous system access safety

* A simple exercise you can do right now to downshift into safety

* Why resourcing alone won’t renegotiate the patterns keeping you stuck, and what will

Free Download:

Explode Shutdown Cycle Field Guide for LeadersIf you get home after work and find yourself exploding at the smallest things, then shutting down and withdrawing, this guide is for you.

https://lillyrachels.myflodesk.com/fieldguide

Book a Call with Lilly:

If you’re interested in working directly with your nervous system to renegotiate the patterns keeping you in chronic activation, book a call with Lilly. She’ll walk you through polyvagal theory and explore what’s going on in your individual system and if nervous system work will help you.

https://calendar.app.google/dDeTxAJfjCZQLnzS7

In this episode, Lilly breaks down the Explode Shutdown Cycle: chronic activation → trigger → explosion → guilt → shutdown → repeat.

She’ll explain why willpower and communication skills can’t fix this, and what actually works: training your nervous system to expand capacity and move fluidly between activation and safety.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

* What the Explode Shutdown Cycle is and why it keeps repeating

* The nervous system science behind chronic activation, explosion, guilt, and shutdown

* Why you’re a “high-functioning survivalist” (like a high-functioning alcoholic—you keep it together, but at a cost)

* Why willpower and communication skills can’t fix a maxed-out nervous system

* The difference between sympathetic overdrive (activation) and ventral vagal (safety, connection, rest)

* Why small triggers at home (mess, requests, interruptions) feel like threats when you’re already maxed out

* How to train your nervous system to expand capacity and stay present under pressure

* The three phases to break the cycle (outlined in the free field guide)

* Why this is not a personality flaw—it’s a trainable nervous system response

Free Download:

Explode Shutdown Cycle Field GuideVisual diagram + 3 phases to break the cycle.https://lillyrachels.myflodesk.com/fieldguide

Connect with Lilly:

* Work 1:1: support@lillyrachels.com

* Website: lillyrachels.com