ver had that gut-punch moment as a leader — the one where you realize you’ve been the problem? It’s not easy to admit, but I’ve been there. I caught myself treating my team less like people with hopes and pressures of their own, and more like obstacles standing in the way of my goals.

That wake-up call came from a simple but jarring idea in Leadership and Self-Deception (#LeadershipAndSelfDeception #ArbingerInstitute): most of us live “in the box” without even knowing it.

Does this sound familiar? Your team brings you problems, and you jump in to fix them. At first, it feels good—you’re needed, you’re competent, you’re “the one with answers.” But before long, you’re drowning under everyone else’s issues, your calendar is overrun, and—worst of all—your team is stalled out, waiting for you instead of thinking for themselves. What feels like leadership is actually a trap: the Rescuer role in the Drama Triangle. And unless you break it, you’ll keep cultivating dependency instead of initiative, burnout instead of empowerment.

Ever feel like you're constantly pushing uphill, battling disengagement, and watching your best people quietly burn out? You're not alone. The traditional "command-and-control" leadership model, once the bedrock of business, is now silently eroding trust, stifling innovation, and costing organizations far more than they realize. It's a hidden drain on morale and productivity, leaving leaders frustrated and teams underperforming. But what if the solution isn't more control, but a radical shift towards giving?