Pondoff's Anonymous

🔥 Pondoff’s Anonymous – Show Notes

🎙️ Episode Title: Grief, Phish, Fentanyl & Truth

🎧 Guest: Theresa Solsten

Who this episode is for:

- Those addicted to drugs and/or alcohol

- Families grieving someone lost to overdose — or what we’re calling it now: poisoning

- Anyone carrying shame in silence

- Men who’ve never been told they’re allowed to feel

- Anyone who’s ever made a mess of their life

- Phish fans and the Phish-curious

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Theresa is back. And this one goes deep.

Eight years ago, her sister Michelle died from fentanyl poisoning.

Not a moral failure.

Not a statistic.

A poisoning.

We talk about why language matters. Why “overdose” carries stigma. Why “poisoning” tells the truth. Most people who die from fentanyl never intended to die. They thought they were buying something else. They were wrong — and it cost them everything.

Theresa shares:

- Discovering her sister was using

- Taking her to her first meeting

- Clean time that ended quietly

- The secrecy addicts build out of fear

- The isolation of grieving someone society still judges

“People choose isolation because they’re trying to feel safe.”

That line hits.

Addiction isn’t just self-destruction. It’s fear. Shame. Survival wiring that stopped working.

We also talk about:

- Therapy as preventative maintenance

- Why support systems matter before crisis hits

- Why men need emotional safe spaces

- The “doorknob confession” phenomenon

- How to challenge the thoughts that keep you stuck

And yes — we talk about Phish.

Because grief and joy coexist.

You can carry loss and still debate your favorite live jam.

You can mourn your sister and still show up to the show.

Somewhere between cutting hair and holding space for clients unloading their lives, Theresa feels a pull toward something bigger in the recovery space. Behavioral health was her first love. Grief made it personal.

Michelle’s story didn’t end when she died.

It lives on every time it’s told.

If you’ve ever:

- Loved an addict

- Been the addict

- Lost someone and struggled to say it out loud

- Sat in your car before work trying to steady yourself

This episode is for you.

Full transcript here: :contentReference[oaicite:0]{index=0}

Sponsored by McKelvey Insurance (https://www.mckelveyins.com/) and LightSource Psychotherapy (https://findyourlightsource.com/).

Pondoff’s Anonymous is on a one week break, but we didn’t want to leave you hanging…

So today we’re sharing an episode of our newer show, *Needed to Hear That*.

This one is a do not miss.

If you’ve ever connected with what we try to do here, honest conversations, recovery, mental health, and the stuff people usually don’t say out loud, this podcast is absolutely for you.

Subscribe to *Needed to Hear That* so you don’t miss the next one.

Who this episode is for:
Those addicted to drugs and/or alcohol who still think they’re in control
People living double lives and calling it “functional”
Anyone carrying childhood trauma they’ve never dealt with
Families trying to love someone who keeps self-destructing
Anyone who’s ever made a mess of their life and told themselves it was ambition

This episode is not clean.
It’s not polished.
And it sure as hell isn’t motivational fluff.

This is a full, unfiltered autopsy of addiction.

Chris Pondoff and Zoe Mendenall sit down with Triple X — addict in recovery, speaker, author, and recovery advocate — and let him tell the whole story. Not the safe version. Not the highlight reel. The real one.

From growing up poor with emotional abuse and abandonment…
to chasing validation, power, money, and belonging…
to cocaine, meth, large-scale dealing, paranoia, prison, relapse, and finally rebuilding a life with structure and purpose.

This conversation tears apart the myth of the “functional addict” and exposes how addiction often starts as a solution — until it becomes the cage you can’t escape.

Triple X walks through it all:
When cocaine felt like confidence.
When money felt like control.
When the pager never stopped buzzing.
When the helicopter light hit the apartment.
When fun turned into fear.
When meth changed everything.
When prison became inevitable.
When recovery finally demanded structure, discipline, and boundaries.

There’s no glamor here.
Just ego, trauma, chaos, consequences — and the long road back.

You’ll hear about:
Childhood emotional abuse and abandonment
Trauma as the root, not the excuse
Why structure is non-negotiable in recovery
Cocaine, meth, and the escalation trap
The business side of addiction and how it grows
Living two lives and being exhausted by both
Arrest, plea deals, prison, and consequences
Relapse, shame, and getting back up
Building a new life through discipline and purpose

This episode doesn’t ask for sympathy.
It demands honesty.

If you’re listening and thinking, “I’m not that bad,”
you should probably keep listening.

GUEST:
Triple X — addict in recovery, speaker, author, and recovery advocate

BOOK:
Becoming the Change by Triple X

SOCIAL MEDIA:
TikTok: @be_the_change_recovery

BUSINESS:
Muther Mushroom
Website: https://muthermushroom.com/
(Launching in the coming weeks)

EPISODE TIMELINE:
00:00 Introduction and Sponsorships
05:54 Personal Stories and Connections
12:03 Childhood Trauma and Its Impact
22:03 Radical Inclusion in Recovery
28:57 The Illusion of Control: Functional Addiction
35:40 The Highs and Lows of Cocaine Use
43:15 The Business of Addiction: From Small to Large Scale
52:47 The Turning Point: From Fun to Fear
58:35 The Introduction to Methamphetamine
01:04:32 Family Dynamics and Addiction
01:22:30 Turning Point: From Struggle to Success
01:30:01 The Exhaustion of Dual Lives
01:39:59 The Inevitable Fall: Facing Consequences
01:50:00 The Arrest: A Life Unraveled
02:01:10 Plea Bargaining and Sentencing
02:12:23 Post-Prison Life and Business Ventures
02:19:23 Relapse and Recovery Journey
02:30:04 The Struggle with Addiction
02:35:44 The Turning Point: A Wake-Up Call
02:42:18 The Power of Positive Reinforcement
02:48:32 Building a New Life: Recovery and Business

Nothing about recovery is pretty.
But it’s real.
And it’s possible.

Sponsored by McKelvey Insurance (https://www.mckelveyins.com/) and LightSource Psychotherapy (https://findyourlightsource.com/).