Are you reacting or responding when stress hits your team? Discover why anxiety spreads like wildfire in organizations and families, and how your instinctive reactions might be more predictable—and manageable—than you think. Explore the five classic patterns of reactivity under stress, and learn how to spot them in yourself and others. Plus, get practical questions and assignments to help you move from anxious reaction to thoughtful leadership.

Highlights

• Why no one is an island: the power of emotional systems in work and life
• How anxiety spreads through teams and families (and why it’s so contagious)
• The story of Illuminations Corporation: a case study in leadership under pressure
• Five predictable relationship patterns when stress rises:
  • Increased togetherness
  • Visible conflict
  • Distancing and emotional cutoff
  • Over-functioning and under-functioning
  • Triangling
• How to recognize your own default stress response
• Why anxious reactivity is a search for relief, not wisdom
• The leader’s real job: managing yourself, not eliminating anxiety
• A practical assignment to observe your own patterns

Chapters

• 00:00 — Introduction: Leadership through the lens of Bowen Family Systems Theory
• 00:35 — People as part of emotional systems
• 01:58 — How anxiety shows up and spreads in groups
• 03:26 — Two key ideas about anxious reactivity
• 04:34 — The contagious nature of anxiousness
• 05:31 — Case Study: Illuminations Corporation under stress
• 09:40 — The executive team’s reactions and system dynamics
• 12:42 — Understanding anxiety as relational, not individual
• 14:49 — Holiday table example: how tension spreads in families
• 16:26 — External and internal threats to systems
• 18:08 — The quick, emotional nature of our reactions
• 19:58 — Five predictable patterns of reactivity under stress
• 21:09 — Pattern 1: Increased togetherness
• 23:00 — Pattern 2: Visible conflict
• 25:36 — Pattern 3: Distancing and emotional cutoff
• 28:02 — Pattern 4: Over-functioning and under-functioning
• 31:20 — Pattern 5: Triangling
• 33:20 — Revisiting the case study with the five patterns
• 35:57 — The leader’s challenge: staying thoughtful under pressure
• 36:48 — Stress as information, not pathology
• 37:49 — The work of leadership: being a less anxious presence
• 38:35 — Assignment: Observe your own stress responses
• 39:15 — What’s next: Differentiation of self

Resources Mentioned

• Bowen Family Systems Theory: Bowen Center for the Study of the Family
  
  

Want to know how Systems Theory could be leveraged in your business? Contact us at https://iridiumleadership.com/ to learn more.

Performance reviews and family gatherings might be more similar than you think. What if the same mindset could help you navigate both with less stress and more success? Today, I explore how leadership principles from Bowen Family Systems theory can transform the way you approach year-end reviews at work and those sometimes-chaotic holiday family get-togethers. Discover practical strategies to make both experiences more meaningful, less anxiety-inducing, and maybe even a little enjoyable.

Highlights

• Why performance reviews are so challenging—and how a mindset shift can help
• Three compelling reasons to embrace performance reviews as a leader
• Strategies for engaging top, mid-level, and lower-performing employees
• The 80/20 rule for effective performance management
• How ongoing conversations make reviews less uncomfortable
• Applying systems theory to family gatherings during the holidays
• Common anxious responses to family events and how to manage them
• Three actionable tips for navigating family dynamics with curiosity and intention
• The connection between family work and professional success

Chapters

00:00 — Introduction: Leadership, Systems, and the Holiday Season

00:34 — Why Performance Reviews Are So Hard

01:43 — Three Reasons to Embrace Performance Reviews

03:38 — Approaching Top, Mid-Level, and Lower Performers

06:49 — The 80/20 Rule in Performance Management

08:22 — Making Reviews Less Uncomfortable: Ongoing Conversations

09:22 — Shifting to Family Gatherings: Holiday Dynamics

10:55 — Typical Family Roles and Reactions

12:05 — Anxious Responses: Distancing, Conflict, and Avoidance

13:27 — Systems Theory: Working on Yourself in Family Settings

13:55 — Three Tips for Navigating Family Events

16:30 — The Ripple Effect: Family Work and Professional Success

17:01 — Closing Thoughts and What’s Next

Resources Mentioned

• Mindset by Carol Dweck
  https://www.amazon.com/Mindset-Psychology-Carol-S-Dweck/dp/0345472322

If you found value in this episode, please share it with others and leave a review. Have thoughts or questions? I’d love to hear from you. Stay tuned for the next episode, where we’ll tackle the reality and challenges of anxiety in our systems—at work and at home.

Want to know how Systems Theory could be leveraged in your business? Contact us at https://iridiumleadership.com/ to learn more.

Are you leading from the calm center, or getting swept up in everyone else’s storm? Ever wondered why teams sometimes put relationships above results, or why it’s so hard to give honest feedback? Today, we’re exploring the powerful force of togetherness in leadership and how it shapes our decisions, our teams, and even our families. From high-performing companies to historic disasters, discover how the drive to belong can both help us thrive and lead us astray—and what it takes to balance connection with individuality.

Highlights

• The “togetherness force” in Bowen Family Systems Theory and its impact on leadership
• The tension between belonging and individuality in teams and families
• Real-world stories: From a loyal manager’s blind spot to the culture at HubSpot
• The dangers of groupthink, illustrated by the Space Shuttle Challenger disaster
• How performance reviews and family holidays reveal our need for connection
• Practical steps for leaders to stay grounded and foster healthy individuality
• A challenge to observe togetherness behaviors in your own systems

Chapters

00:00 — Introduction: The Power of Togetherness

00:34 — What is the Togetherness Force?

01:06 — The Pull Between Belonging and Individuality

01:53 — Teenagers and the Tug-of-War for Independence

02:15 — Leadership Story: Justin’s Loyalty and Its Limits

03:09 — Productive Togetherness: Why We Need It

05:43 — HubSpot: A Case Study in Healthy Team Culture

07:26 — When Togetherness Goes Too Far: Groupthink and Conformity

08:15 — The Challenger Disaster: A Lesson in Suppressed Dissent

10:32 — Everyday Examples: Performance Reviews and Family Dynamics

12:18 — Balancing Connection and Individuality as a Leader

13:46 — A Story of Courageous Individuality in the Workplace

15:14 — Summing Up: Staying Grounded Amidst the Pull

16:39 — A Challenge for Listeners: Observe Togetherness in Your Life

17:47 — What’s Next: Performance Reviews and Family Holidays

17:48 — Closing Thoughts

Resources Mentioned

• Book: “True to You” by Kathleen Smith
  Find it on Amazon
• Space Shuttle Challenger Disaster
  NASA Challenger Overview

Want to know how Systems Theory could be leveraged in your business? Contact us at https://iridiumleadership.com/ to learn more.