People-Pleasing: When Keeping Everyone Happy Costs You Yourself

Where It Starts, Why We Do It, and How to Recognise It in Your Own Life

BRANCHES | THE STORIES WE CARRY — Episode 4

Recovery • Resilience • Rebuilding

Do you say yes when you mean no? Apologise when you’ve done nothing wrong? Overthink a message because you’re worried someone might be annoyed with you?

Maybe you’re the reliable one. The fixer. The person everyone turns to. You keep the peace, look after everyone else and make sure things get done — but underneath it all, you’re absolutely knackered.

In this episode, we’re talking about people-pleasing: where it can begin, why we do it, and how it can leave us putting everybody else’s needs before our own.

We explore how childhood experiences, the pressure to be “the good one” and adapting to controlling or unpredictable relationships can shape our behaviour — and why these patterns can follow us even when our circumstances change.

With relatable, everyday examples, we look at the difference between being kind and feeling responsible for keeping everyone happy, and share practical ways to start recognising your own needs, expressing boundaries and making choices without automatically putting yourself last.

In this episode:

- The difference between kindness and people-pleasing

- Where people-pleasing patterns can begin

- Saying yes when you really want to say no

- Overthinking messages and apologising unnecessarily

- Feeling responsible for everybody else’s feelings

- People-pleasing after coercive control or emotional abuse

- Small, practical ways to practise boundaries and put yourself back on the list

A question to take away

Who are you when you’re not trying to keep everybody else happy?

You don’t have to stop being kind. You just need to make room for yourself, too.

🎧 Discover BRANCHES:

https://smartpa.ge/branches

The crisis may pass, but the aftermath remains.

BRANCHES is an independent platform built around lived experience, practical resources and honest conversations about life after abuse. It is not a crisis service and does not replace professional legal, medical or mental health advice.

Suggested tags: People-Pleasing · Boundaries · Coercive Control · Emotional Abuse · Confidence · Self-Worth · Life After Abuse · Women's Wellbeing · Recovery · BRANCHES · The Stories We Carry

When Your Body Still Thinks It's Under Threat

BRANCHES | THE STORIES WE CARRY — Episode 2

Recovery • Resilience • Rebuilding

Have you ever found yourself waiting for something to go wrong, even when life seems calm?

Maybe you overthink messages, rehearse conversations, struggle to relax, say yes when you want to say no, or feel anxious when someone’s mood changes. Maybe the relationship has ended, but part of you is still braced for the next problem.

In this episode, we explore what it can feel like to live on high alert after coercive control, emotional abuse or prolonged uncertainty — and why the aftermath can continue long after circumstances have changed.

We talk about fight, flight, freeze and fawn responses, the exhaustion of constantly anticipating problems, and small ways to begin creating more space between a feeling and your next decision.

In this episode:

• Why peace can sometimes feel uncomfortable
• Waiting for the other shoe to drop
• Fight, flight, freeze and fawn responses
• People-pleasing, overthinking and the pressure to keep everything together
• How to pause before automatically reacting
• Small ways to reconnect with the present and make room for your own life

A thought to take away:

What would you do differently if you didn't have to spend so much energy preparing for the next problem?

You don't have to be completely free of worry to start moving forward. Small steps count, and you deserve support if these feelings are affecting your everyday life.

Discover BRANCHES:

https://smartpa.ge/branches

“The crisis may pass, but the aftermath remains.”

A note: BRANCHES is an independent platform sharing lived experiences, practical resources and conversations about life after abuse. It is not a crisis service and does not replace professional medical, mental health or legal advice. If you are in immediate danger, contact emergency services.

Suggested tags: coercive control, economic abuse, emotional abuse, fight or flight, trauma responses, people-pleasing, hypervigilance, life after abuse, women's wellbeing, recovery, rebuilding confidence.

BRANCHES | THE STORIES WE CARRY — Episode 3

Recovery • Resilience • Rebuilding

What happens when the relationship ends, but the financial consequences continue?

Economic abuse is becoming more widely recognised, but there’s another part of the conversation we need to have: economic sabotage.

It’s about the deliberate undermining of someone’s financial stability, earning ability, career or future independence.

In this episode, we explore how economic sabotage can affect women during and after a relationship — particularly when they’ve spent years carrying the responsibilities of family life while their own careers, opportunities and financial security have taken a back seat.

We talk about the hidden cost of caring responsibilities, possible attempts to avoid financial obligations, interference with employment, and the financial uncertainty that can make rebuilding feel overwhelming.

Because sometimes, the damage isn’t just about the money you’ve lost. It’s about the opportunities you missed, the earning power you’ve lost, and the future you’re now trying to rebuild.

• What economic sabotage means and how it differs from the wider pattern of economic abuse
• How caring responsibilities can affect women’s careers, income and long-term financial security
• Examples of financial behaviour that may indicate deliberate sabotage or avoidance of responsibility
• Why the financial consequences of abuse can continue long after separation
• Practical steps towards documenting concerns, understanding your finances and finding appropriate advice
• Rebuilding your earning power, independence and future options

What part of your financial future have you put on hold while trying to keep everything else going?

You don’t have to solve everything today. Understanding your circumstances, finding reliable information and taking one practical step can be a beginning.

You are not responsible for somebody else’s decision to control, manipulate or sabotage you. But you deserve the information, support and options to help you decide what happens next.

Discover BRANCHES:

https://smartpa.ge/branches

The crisis may pass, but the aftermath remains.

A note from BRANCHES: BRANCHES is an independent platform sharing lived experiences, practical resources and conversations about life after abuse. It is not a crisis service and does not replace professional legal, financial, medical or mental health advice.

Suggested tags: economic sabotage, economic abuse, coercive control, financial abuse, post-separation abuse, financial independence, women's careers, financial wellbeing, life after abuse, rebuilding confidence, BRANCHES, The Stories We Carry.

BRANCHES | THE STORIES WE CARRY — Episode 1

Recovery • Resilience • Rebuilding

How many times have you said, “I'm fine” when, underneath it all, you're anything but?

You get on with things. You look after everyone else. You keep the plates spinning, smile when you need to and carry on as though everything's alright.

But inside, your head is full, you're exhausted from trying to hold everything together, and you might not even know what you need anymore.

In this first episode of BRANCHES | The Stories We Carry, we're looking at what can sit behind those two little words: I'm fine.

For women who've experienced coercive control, economic abuse or controlling relationships, the aftermath can continue long after the relationship has ended. You might find yourself overthinking, people-pleasing, second-guessing your decisions or feeling responsible for keeping everybody else happy.

You might be functioning perfectly well on the outside while quietly struggling on the inside.

And because you're so used to getting on with it, you might not even realise how much you're carrying.

This episode explores the invisible work, the masking, the automatic responses and the difference between simply getting through life and feeling part of your own life again.

But this isn't about staying stuck in the past. It's about understanding yourself, recognising patterns without judging yourself, and finding small, practical ways to start putting yourself back into the picture.

• Why “I'm fine” can become an automatic response.
• The invisible mental and emotional load of always holding things together.
• People-pleasing, overthinking and feeling responsible for other people's moods.
• How coercive control and economic abuse can affect confidence and independence beyond a relationship.
• Why functioning on the outside doesn't mean everything feels fine on the inside.
• Three small, practical steps to start paying attention to your own needs.

You don't need to change your whole life overnight.

Start by noticing when you automatically say you're fine, when you agree to something you don't really want to do, and when you put yourself last.

You don't owe everyone an explanation, and you don't have to share anything you're not comfortable sharing.

But you do deserve to listen to yourself, too.

You don't have to fall apart for your experience to count.

And you can take responsibility fo

The crisis may pass, but the aftermath remains.

Welcome to BRANCHES — a space dedicated to raising awareness of coercive control, economic abuse and post-separation abuse.

In this first episode, we explore the realities of abuse that often go unseen, misunderstood or overlooked, and the challenges women can continue to face long after a relationship has ended.

Leaving does not always mean the struggle is over. For some women, the aftermath can involve rebuilding confidence, recovering financial independence, navigating ongoing parenting responsibilities and trying to create stability while dealing with the lasting effects of abuse.

This episode opens up an important conversation about what happens behind closed doors — and what can happen long after those doors have closed.

• Coercive control: Understanding the patterns of behaviour that can gradually undermine confidence, independence and a person's sense of self.
• Economic abuse and economic sabotage: How financial control, withheld support and the deliberate creation of financial pressure can affect independence and future security.
• Post-separation abuse: Why the end of a relationship does not always mean the end of controlling behaviour, particularly when children, finances or ongoing arrangements are involved.
• The invisible burden: The emotional, practical and financial load carried by women who are trying to keep life going while rebuilding.
• Rebuilding trust: The importance of boundaries, transparency, asking questions and making informed decisions when seeking support.
• Recovery, resilience and rebuilding: Recognising that healing takes time and that being strong does not mean you are not struggling.

Abuse is not always visible. Its effects can continue long after a relationship has ended, affecting finances, parenting, wellbeing, confidence and independence.

Too often, women are expected to move on simply because the relationship is over.

BRANCHES exists to help bring these overlooked experiences into the open, encourage greater understanding and remind women that they are not alone.

This is about awareness without judgement, support without pressure, and empowerment through understanding.

If you recognise aspects of your own experience in this episode, you do not have to figure everything out at once.

Your experience matters. You deserve to be safe, respected and supported.

If you are in immediate danger in the UK, call 999. For confidential support and guidance, consider contacting an established domestic abuse support service.

Find out more about BRANCHES and explore our work here:

https://smartpa.ge/branches

BRANCHES | Awareness • Support • Empowerment

Recovery • Resilience • Rebuilding

The crisis may pass, but the aftermath remains.

BRANCHES shares educational information and signposting to support greater awareness of coercive control, economic abuse and post-separation abuse. Content is for general information only and does not replace individual legal, financial, medical or therapeutic advice.