When kids start saying school feels pointless, parents are often left wondering how to respond without lecturing, minimizing, or making things worse. How we respond in those moments can either shut kids down—or help them re-engage with learning and with us.

In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen explore what’s really happening when tweens and teens lose interest in school. They unpack why disengagement is so common during these developmental years, how pressure and “motivational speeches” often backfire, and what actually helps kids feel understood and supported.

Drawing from clinical psychology, developmental science, and years of work with families, Dr. Caron and Dr. Allen walk parents through a clear, compassionate framework for responding when kids say they don’t care about school anymore. They discuss why validation is not the same as agreement, how curiosity opens the door to connection, and how parents can offer perspective and boundaries without escalating conflict.

Together, they explore:

• Why kids disengage from school and learning
• What validation really looks like (and what it’s not)
• How curiosity builds trust and keeps conversations going
• A powerful analogy for understanding effort and growth
• Balancing empathy with realistic expectations
• When it may be time to involve professional support
• How to move from frustration to collaborative problem-solving

Here are some highlights from the episode:

00:00 The Last Thing Kids Want to Hear When School Feels Pointless

01:09 POV: Your Child Is Losing Interest in School

04:57 Step 1: Validate How Your Child Feels

06:35 What Validation Really Means

07:42 How Validation Builds Curiosity and Openness

08:04 Step 2: The Mr. Miyagi Analogy Explained

12:27 Offering a New Perspective on School and Learning

13:31 Step 3: Why Learning Isn’t Supposed to Be Easy

15:39 The Role of Effort and the Satisfaction of Accomplishment

16:44 Finding the Sweet Spot Between Support and Challenge

17:08 What Parents Need to Watch for Along the Way

19:38 When It’s Time to Check In With a Professional

21:03 How to Offer a Gentle Reality Check

22:26 Giving Kids Information to Make Better Decisions

25:42 Next Steps: Moving Into Problem-Solving Together

28:17 Holding Boundaries While Still Being Supportive

If you’re parenting a child or teen who seems checked out, discouraged, or resistant around school—and you’re not sure how to help without damaging your relationship—this episode offers grounded, practical guidance to help you respond with clarity, confidence, and care.

Watch this episode here on YouTube

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