This week on the porch we're smoking Super Boof — Leafly Strain of the Year 2024, which we absolutely did not know until right now — and processing a week that had absolutely no chill.

Both sets of girls had their last day of school. Hailey cried six times. She did the secret handshake at the kindergarten door one last time and did not hold it together. The teachers noticed.

Then we get into the mom friend thing — the real version. The pressure to make friends at school pickup, the feeling of being excluded that apparently doesn't stop when you turn 40, and the story of how Amanda spent an entire first year of kindergarten mom dinners drinking water while everyone else had cocktails because she had just gotten inseminated that afternoon and couldn't say so. The room absolutely clocked her as not their brand. She has spent two years making up for it.

Also: Hailey's number one parenting hack involves telling her kids their tongues turn purple when they lie. It works. She's passed it on to other families. We have thoughts. Plus Foodie Field Trip Fridays are officially in the calendar, 60 people showed up to movie night and somehow that felt normal, and we rank who makes the cut for the next one.

We're doing it for the plot. Come be part of the conversation.

Pull up a chair. 🌿

This week on the porch we’re smoking Kaizen by Garden Greens — sativa leaning, social high, clear euphoric head. Perfect for a conversation that was supposed to be normal and was not even a little bit normal.
We open with exploding sour Warheads candy that genuinely feel like doing drugs, debate whether smoking alone officially crosses the line (Deb’s ruling: that’s drugs), and somehow end up with Shaquille O’Neal’s anatomy becoming a recurring topic of conversation for reasons that made total sense at the time.

This is one of our more unhinged conversations. We are not apologizing for it.
Pull up a chair. 🌿​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

This week on the porch we're smoking Unicorn Milk by Munchies — sweet notes of sherbet and, yes, Girl Scout Cookies — and picking up where we left off on the question that won't leave us alone: when does cannabis become drugs?

Tonight's verdict: it might be the accessories. Once you've got a bubbler, a bowl, a bong that's described as "really cute" — have you crossed a line? We debate, we disagree, and we land somewhere in the middle.

Also: Amanda catches a neighbor packing something into some kind of paraphernalia at 5:30 in the morning and cannot determine what, exactly, it was. The vibe she was catching was opium. Hailey gets paranoid by a noise on the walk home that turns out to be her own flip-flops. The creepy house delivers again. And somewhere in there, nap wood becomes a topic of conversation.

We don't make the rules. We just smoke on the porch and talk about them.

Pull up a chair. 🍃

This week on the porch it's a Friday daylight womp — kids upstairs, moms outside, Munchies Marshmallow Pie in the bowl and porch tax cookies to match. We spend three attempts trying to have a PTA conversation, and land firmly on the conclusion that you cannot be a womp mom and PTA president at the same time. We don't make the rules.

Also: Hailey woke up at 2am convinced there was a tarantula-sized spider on her wall, spent 25 minutes trapped in her own bathroom, and it was almost certainly the 15mg edible she took before bed. We both do some stoner math about how many school moms are secretly womped. The hose game gets a full rule set. And somehow the black hole house, a 1985 sitcom, and a woman watching traffic from her window all become the same conversation.

We might be the outliers. We're fine with that.

Pull up a chair. 🌿

This week on the porch Left Coast's Monster Cookies is in the rotation, and Cookie Monster cookies are on the table — because if we're smoking it, we're eating it. We open with a Reddit deep dive on Left Coast flower, debate whether we've officially escalated past normal human consumption, and somewhere in the middle of it all Hailey can no longer feel her legs.

Also: Amanda's mom has a thing for shopping baskets, a neighbor coughs so loud it can be heard from four houses away, and Mike walks out long enough to confirm that yes, we have gone too far. Again.

Plus: the bridge gets a formal gate and guest pass policy, the bingo card episode concept is born, and an out-of-this-world double womp sends us somewhere we did not plan to go.

We went too far. Whoops.

Pull up a chair. 🌿

This week on the porch we welcome our first official guest — Matteo, Hailey's husband's best friend of 40-something years and a man who has never once smoked with us until right now. We break him in properly with American Pie indica, Powder Donut for the re-up, and a round of porch tax that somehow involves actual Girl Scout cookies baked into the cookies.

We cover a lot of ground: Matteo's first time getting so high he stopped driving and just walked away from the car, the three-day edible that took both him and his wife completely out and the executive decision they made to dispose of the rest for the good of humanity, and a conspiracy theory about whether animals know that humans live inside cars. Then we get into Harper's holiday boutique spending debut — $44 budget, $15 spent, one spatula that says "Move Over Santa, Here Comes Gigi," and a singular tube of Barbie ChapStick for her sister.

Also: the bridge has structural updates, every tree has a story, and we accidentally overdid it. Again.

This week on the porch we're smoking Tropicana Cookies, debating whether everything in the cannabis world is secretly just Girl Scout Cookies in a trenchcoat, and getting fully womped before anyone was ready.

We also get into it — the real stuff. PMS-fueled orthodontist rage, the paperwork that pushed Amanda over the edge, and the moment at the dentist that almost made her cry. Then we talk about watching our kids start to navigate their social worlds for the first time, and what it feels like to watch your daughter dim her own light for someone else.

Plus: Amanda's Instagram algorithm has taken a very unexpected turn, she reports from the dimension she visited last night after the powdered donut weed, and the shadow on the house has a name now.

Pull up a chair. 🌿

This week on the porch we find out Grandma has been living her best life — and honestly we're not even surprised. We're talking cannabis across generations, what happens when your whole family turns out to be on the porch, and why Spirit Airlines ceasing to exist mid-trip led to a 13-hour drive home, a flying tooth, and a set of dentures in a parking lot. Plus: a mysterious woman appears out of nowhere and vanishes into the woods on a Friday the 13th, Amanda gets trapped in a toddler toy on a hill, and Deb makes her Moms on the Porch debut. Pull up a chair. 🌿