What questions are you carrying that you haven't asked out loud? And what is not asking them costing you?

We ask questions for a living. But what about the ones we don't ask?

In this episode, hosts Dr. Patti Fletcher, Lynne Cuppernull, and Dan Ward get honest about the questions they avoid. They talk about why we skip certain questions: we're afraid of the answer, we don't want to do the work that follows, we're worried about crossing a boundary, or sometimes we just don't think to ask.

They each share questions they've been carrying. Dan talks about not asking for help or feedback. Patti examines the questions women in their 50s face about defining life on their own terms instead of through roles they play for others. Lynne shares questions she's afraid to ask about politics and her kids' experience of divorce.

The conversation covers personal territory and bigger questions. When does avoiding a question protect you versus hold you back? Where do you feel unasked questions in your body? How do you create environments where people can actually ask hard things? Is asking questions an anti-authoritarian act?

They also look at AI's role in how we ask (or don't ask) questions. Are we using it to go deeper, or to avoid going deeper? What makes human conversation different when it comes to the questions that matter?

This episode won't make hard questions easy. But it might make asking them less hard.

Key Themes:

• The psychology and physiology of avoided questions
• Creating environments where questions can be asked safely
• The difference between waiting for the right moment and avoiding indefinitely
• Question-asking as anti-authoritarian practice
• How AI enables or prevents deeper questioning
• Making it easier to ask hard questions without making them less hard

Resources We Found Helpful:

Books & Research:

• On Tyranny, by Timothy Snyder
• Internal Family Systems therapy information
• The Fearless Organization: Creating Psychological Safety in the Workplace by Amy Edmondson
• The Right Kind of Wrong: The Science of Failing Well by Amy Edmonson

Referenced Media:

• Blue Bloods (CBS) and it's spin-off, mentioned in this episode, Boston Blue (CBS) for the portrayal of family dinner conversations as a space for difficult dialogue

Practices Mentioned:

• Reflection practices for identifying avoided questions
• Somatic awareness when questions arise
• Mindfulness techniques: asking "Am I safe now?" and "What do I need?"
• The coaching move: responding to questions with "What do you think?"

Listening for the Questions is where curiosity is our compass.