Eugenia and Avery are back, and somehow Macbeth has found a new way to be loud without even showing up onstage. In Act 5, Scene 2, a group of Scottish lords gathers to gossip, strategize, and casually announce that an English-backed force is closing in on Dunsinane, led by Malcolm, Siward, and Macduff. Which sounds heroic in theory, but in practice reads like an aggressively percussive group project with muddy boots, zero indoor voice, and no one checking whether the group chat even has Donalbain on it.

The hosts immediately take aim at the scene’s real villain: logistics. Everyone is marching, everyone is meeting at Birnam Wood, and nobody is offering arch support, water breaks, or a self-care station. They also resent being forced to pronounce names like Menteith and Caithness before their vocal warm-up tea, and they deeply object to Shakespeare’s habit of describing an entire political crisis using metaphors that feel like a belt, a garden, and a medical cleanse all happening at once.

Meanwhile, Macbeth’s reputation gets dragged through the heather in real time. The lords debate whether he is “mad” or running on “valiant fury,” while also acknowledging the obvious: his secret murders are catching up to him, loyalty is now purely transactional, and the crown is starting to look like it belongs to someone else. Eugenia and Avery fixate on the most vicious image of the scene, the comparison of Macbeth’s title to a giant’s robe hanging on a dwarfish thief, which they interpret as equal parts political critique and catastrophic styling note.

By the end, the lords decide to march toward Birnam, framing Malcolm as the “medicine” for Scotland’s “sickly weal,” which only irritates the hosts more because they did not consent to medical imagery, botany metaphors, or any form of emotional purging before noon. The scene exits exactly as it began: with marching, noise, and the crushing sense that everyone gets to leave while Eugenia and Avery are left holding the microphone and the trauma.