Matt Toms on Tourette Syndrome, Autism, ADHD and the Exhaustion of Masking

What happens when your disability is invisible, your capacity changes from one day to the next, and the people around you assume you’re simply being rude, lazy or difficult?

Matt Toms joins Dylan Alcott and Angus O’Loughlin on ListenABLE for an open conversation about living with Tourette syndrome, autism and ADHD, and what it has taken for him to finally stop hiding his disability.

For most of Matt’s life, masking helped him fit in. He learnt to suppress his Tourette’s tics and hide what was happening internally so he could socialise, work, compete in surf lifesaving and appear as though everything was fine.

But masking came at a cost.

Matt explains how suppressing his tics could leave him exhausted, overwhelmed and experiencing more explosive episodes once he returned to the safety of home. He describes the difficult reality of having an invisible disability where, on one day, he might be capable of physical work or competing in sport, while on another he can struggle to get himself a glass of water.

From surf lifesaving and neurodivergence to employment, support workers, dating, family and learning to unmask, this episode is a reminder that disability doesn’t always look the way people expect it to.

Follow & Connect

Matt Toms – Guest
Matt joins ListenABLE to share his lived experience with Tourette syndrome, autism and ADHD, including masking, employment, relationships, support and learning to embrace his disability.
Matt’s social link to be added once confirmed.

Dylan Alcott – Host
Instagram: @dylanalcott

Angus O’Loughlin – Host
Instagram: @angus_oloughlin

ListenABLE Podcast
Instagram: @listenable_podcast
Listen on Apple Podcasts: ListenABLE on Apple Podcasts

ListenABLE is recorded and produced in partnership with SESSION in PROGRESS, Melbourne’s video podcast studio and production team.

Website: SESSION in PROGRESS
Instagram: @session.in.progress

Production

In this episode

• Living with Tourette syndrome, autism and ADHD
• What Tourette’s tics can actually look like
• Why tics can sometimes be mistaken for rude or inappropriate behaviour
• Autism and Tourette syndrome masking
• The physical and emotional exhaustion caused by suppressing tics
• Invisible disability and fluctuating capacity
• Spoon theory and managing limited energy
• Disability, burnout and independence
• Accessing support workers and the NDIS
• The impact of disability on partners and family
• Autism and sensory overload in construction and trades
• Disability inclusion in the workplace
• Dating and relationships with Tourette syndrome
• Learning to disclose an invisible disability
• Becoming comfortable and proud identifying as disabled
• Why disability awareness and representation matter

Tourette syndrome, Tourette’s syndrome, Tourette’s tics, autism, autism in adults, ADHD, autism and ADHD, autism and Tourette syndrome, neurodivergence, neurodivergent adults, invisible disability, hidden disability, disability masking, autistic masking, suppressing tics, disability burnout, autistic burnout, sensory overload, spoon theory, fluctuating capacity, NDIS, disability support workers, disability employment, autism in the workplace, disability in construction, dating with disability, relationships and disability, disability acceptance, disability advocacy.

Content warning

At 16, Matt Caruana attempted to take his own life. He survived, acquiring a complete spinal cord injury and becoming a wheelchair user.

While recovering in hospital, Matt was consumed by the same belief that had followed him for years: that he was worthless. Then, during a train ride with his mum, a complete stranger asked him a confronting question:

“What are you going to do about it now?”

That moment did not instantly remove Matt’s depression, but it changed the direction of his life. Instead of asking “Why me?”, he began asking “What now?”

In this deeply honest conversation with Angus O’Loughlin, Matt shares the reality of surviving a suicide attempt, adjusting to life with a spinal cord injury and slowly rebuilding his identity. He explains why meaningful connection matters, what parents can do when a young person is struggling and how opening up helped transform his relationships with his family and friends.

Matt also discusses finding purpose through sharing his story, breaking a Guinness World Record and becoming a competitive para climber. For Matt, strength is no longer about appearance or external validation. It is about contributing to other people and making hope visible.

This episode explores suicide prevention, men’s mental health, disability, resilience, spinal cord injury, wheelchair life, para climbing and the power of choosing to move forward one day at a time.

• Matt’s experience of attempting suicide at 16
• Acquiring a complete spinal cord injury and becoming a wheelchair user
• The belief that he was worthless and why he rejected support
• The stranger whose confronting question changed his direction
• Why being present is essential when supporting someone
• Matt’s advice for parents of young people experiencing mental health challenges
• Using a traffic-light system to begin difficult conversations
• How vulnerability strengthened Matt’s relationships
• Rebuilding independence following a spinal cord injury
• Finding meaning by contributing to other people
• Breaking a Guinness World Record to “make hope visible”
• Discovering competitive para climbing
• Why Matt hopes to compete at the Brisbane 2032 Paralympic Games
• How Matt defines his worth today

This episode contains detailed discussion of suicide, suicidal thoughts and mental ill-health. Please take care while listening.

If you or someone you know needs support, call Lifeline on 13 11 14, text 0477 13 11 14, or access its 24/7 online chat. If life is in immediate danger, call 000. Lifeline crisis support

You can also contact Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 or speak with a counsellor online. Beyond Blue support

Follow Matt on Instagram: @MattShares.

What would your life look like if you had brushed your teeth for just ten seconds longer?

In January 2020, 27-year-old paramedic Emma Mickle made a last-minute decision to join her friends on a hike through New Zealand.

On the final day, just ten kilometres from the finish, Emma sat down to remove her wet-weather gear. At that exact moment, a three-metre tree branch fell from approximately 20 metres above and landed directly on her.

In this remarkably honest episode of ListenABLE, Emma speaks about learning to live with incomplete paraplegia, chronic nerve pain, impaired bowel and bladder function, invisible disability and the loss of her career as an operational paramedic.

Emma’s story is about terrible luck, extraordinary recovery and what she describes as “forced resilience”.

Emma discusses:

• The split-second accident that changed her life
• Waiting three hours for a helicopter rescue
• Being diagnosed with incomplete paraplegia
• Her partner proposing in intensive care
• The moment she discovered she could no longer stand
• Bowel and bladder function after a spinal cord injury
• Living with daily chronic nerve pain
• Completing an Ironman after leaving hospital
• Losing her career as an operational paramedic
• Finding freedom and relief through cycling
• Living with an invisible disability
• Why strangers react differently when shaking her hand
• The reality of hiding pain from loved ones
• How disability changed her perception of safety and risk
• Her ambition to compete at the LA 2028 Paralympic Games

• 
  

  
  

00:00 A one-in-20-million accident
01:27 The New Zealand hiking trip
03:12 Emma’s spinal cord and nerve injuries
04:39 Being told to prepare for life in a wheelchair
05:42 A hospital proposal Emma cannot remember
08:16 Feeling both incredibly unlucky and incredibly lucky
09:22 Why Emma cannot remember the accident
10:44 How her friends kept her alive
14:06 Arriving at spinal rehabilitation
15:13 The moment Emma discovered she could not stand
17:22 Would Emma undo the accident?
18:33 Bowel, bladder and chronic pain
21:20 Recovery as a professional athlete
22:09 Completing an Ironman after her injury
24:17 Why cycling makes Emma feel normal
25:42 Road racing and time trials
26:11 The dream of LA 2028
26:46 Losing her career as a paramedic
29:45 Living with an invisible disability
31:47 How to handle an unexpected handshake
33:11 The reality of “forced resilience”
34:27 How the accident changed Emma’s perspective
35:19 Living with daily pain
36:35 The Bowl of Uncomfortable
38:24 Vulnerability and a changed perception of risk
40:49 The perfect handshake

Emma Mickle, Emma Mickle cyclist, Australian para-cyclist, para-cycling Australia, spinal cord injury recovery, incomplete paraplegia, incomplete spinal cord injury, brachial plexus injury, chronic nerve pain, invisible disability, disability awareness, adaptive sport, rehabilitation through sport, Ironman after spinal cord injury, Australian Paralympic cycling, LA 2028 Paralympics, disability podcast Australia, ListenABLE podcast, Dylan Alcott, Angus O’Loughlin.

This episode includes discussions of traumatic injury, spinal cord injury, bowel and bladder function, chronic pain, sexual health and personal safety.

#ListenABLE #EmmaMickle #ParaCycling #SpinalCordInjury #InvisibleDisability #AdaptiveSport #Paralympics #LA2028 #DisabilityPodcast #ChronicPain