Why do so many of us learn to disconnect from ourselves? And how do we find our way back?

In this conversation, I speak with Sarah Peyton, author of The Resonant Self, about the neuroscience of self-compassion, attachment and healing. Sarah explains why warmth and understanding literally change the brain, why self-abandonment is a survival strategy rather than a personal failing, and how compassionate relationships help us reconnect with ourselves.

One of the most surprising moments in our conversation is Sarah's explanation of why verbal abuse can leave deeper and more enduring wounds than physical abuse, because it shapes our developing sense of self and can become the voice we carry inside us.

Together we explore:

• Why we abandon ourselves in order to survive
• The neuroscience of self-compassion
• How attachment patterns shape the way we relate to ourselves and others
• Why emotional numbing happens
• The hidden impact of verbal abuse
• How secure attachment can be earned
• The difference between empathy, compassion and resonance
• Why healing happens through relationship
• How old survival strategies can finally be released

Along the way I share some of my own experiences of self-abandonment, perfectionism and performance anxiety, and Sarah offers a powerful way of understanding how these patterns develop—and how they can change.

Whether you're interested in trauma, psychology, relationships or simply understanding yourself more deeply, this conversation offers both hope and practical insight.

Connect with Sarah Peyton

Website: https://sarahpeyton.com
Books: The Resonant Self and Your Resonant Self Workbook
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@SarahPeytonCNVC
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SarahPeytonAuthor

Connect with Alexandra Stevens

🌐 Website: https://alexandrastevenstherapy.com
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alexandrastevensgold
✍️ Substack: https://fromtraumatogold.substack.com/p/im-writing-a-book-in-public

In this episode of the You Don't Have To Abandon Yourself To Belong Podcast, I speak with social psychologist, professor, author, and proud autistic person Dr Devon Price.

We explore the concept of systemic shame and how many of the struggles we experience as individuals may be rooted not simply in personal psychology, but in the social environments we inhabit.

Together we discuss:

• The difference between attachment wounds and systemic shame
• Why imposter syndrome may be a rational response to exclusion
• How shame shapes identity, belonging, and relationships
• The pressure to be exceptional in order to feel worthy
• Productivity guilt, self-sacrifice, and the struggle identity
• Vulnerability, connection, and what healing actually requires
• Why there was never anything wrong with you
• 
  

One of my favourite moments in the conversation is Devon's reflection that many people spend years believing they are fundamentally flawed, when in reality they simply had needs that were never adequately met.

About Devon Price

Dr Devon Price is a social psychologist, professor, speaker, and author of Unmasking Autism, Laziness Does Not Exist, and Unlearning Shame. His work explores neurodiversity, stigma, identity, belonging, and the social forces that shape our lives.

Connect with Devon
https://drdevonprice.substack.com

Instagram @drdevonprice

Connect with Alexandra
Website: https://alexandrastevenstherapy.com
Substack: https://fromtraumatogold.substack.com/p/im-writing-a-book-in-public
Instagram: @alexandrastevens

About the Podcast

You Don't Have To Abandon Yourself To Belong is a podcast exploring attachment, trauma, self-trust, creativity, belonging, and the ways we learn to move away from ourselves in order to maintain connection.

Hosted by Alexandra Stevens, EMDR therapist, Gestalt psychotherapist, author of You Don't Have To Abandon Yourself To Belong, and host of the You Don't Have To Abandon Yourself To Belong Podcast.

In this first episode, leadership expert and author Steven D’Souza and I explore uncertainty, curiosity, shadow work, and what it means to navigate the unknown without collapsing into fear, control, or certainty-seeking.

Drawing on Steven’s Leading from the Dark framework, we discuss the concept of “negative capability” — the ability to remain with uncertainty, mystery, and not-knowing without rushing prematurely into answers or action.

Together we explore:

— why human beings struggle with the unknown
— common reactions to uncertainty, including control, over-analysis, passivity, and catastrophic thinking
— the importance of curiosity and “beginner’s mind”
— psychological safety and leadership
— shadow work and the hidden aspects of ourselves
— how strengths can become liabilities under stress
— the possibility of growth and creativity within periods of darkness and transition

A thoughtful conversation bridging psychology, leadership, self-awareness, and the challenge of staying open at the edge of the unknown.

Join mailing list for future episodes and book excerpts

https://alexandrastevenstherapy.com/self-abandonment-podcast

@alexandrastevensgold