Yes, I really read aloud the entire 6,400-word article. As we meet at the crossroads of wry sarcasm and insufferable celebrity worship cringe, we will ask: on which of these two paths is this piece? What were these people paid $125M for? And why do they want to believe they're suffering so badly?

I was left basically speechless, so this is a bit of a one-off with no commentary.

The Original Article

Meghan of Montecito by Allison P. Davis, published in The Cut on August 29, 2022

To Allison P. Davis: please take no offense at this video/attempt at humor; I enjoyed reading your article and found it to be an interesting window into Meghan Markle :)

To my three viewers: please appreciate the writer and don't be hating.

Best bits

• 00:00 Intro
• 02:23 Climate-controlled and marshmallowy
• 02:47 Meghan Markle's secret
• 06:35 The tiny Bachelor producer
• 07:04 Content, babyyy
• 09:48 Bombshells, and racism against babies
• 11:04 Blowouts and orgies
• 12:09 A tony typo
• 12:24 Millionaires feel poor
• 13:07 Romantic palm trees
• 13:40 Healing for $14.65M
• 14:25 Advice to little girls
• 15:43 Harry earns himself so many points
• 16:31 World's weirdest office
• 17:57 What $125M in contracts gets you
• 18:33 WTF were they paid for?
• 20:33 Creepy
• 21:22 Did you learn this? I didn't
• 24:49 The hard life of a millionaire
• 27:26 Endless humblebrags
• 28:33 This paragraph followed by this photo
• 29:35 "Uncomfortable"
• 30:14 More pretending to be poor
• 30:21 Meghan = Mandela
• 31:10 The writer predicts this video
• 33:10 The most mundane paragraph of all time
• 33:51 Generosity, caught conveniently by a reporter
• 35:10 The beatboxing bit from the intro
• 35:41 Still healing
• 35:52 "Do you like that?"
• 36:24 The hilarious conclusion