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How To Have A Different Reaction

Let me tell you a quick story about how a new reaction to an old annoyance quietly worked its way into my life.

Two of my sons, when something unexpected or unwanted happens . . . they react the same way.

They get angry.

And every now and then I catch myself thinking, hmm . . . I wonder where they picked that up?

Yeah. That used to be me.

Let me give you a couple of everyday examples.

They spill something. Now come on – who hasn’t spilled something? But instead of just dealing with it, they go off.

“Ugh, I just spilled sticky orange juice all over the counter and the floor.”

Now if that was the extent of their reaction, no harm, no foul. But it’s the continuation of that diatribe that makes it counterproductive.

“I’m so stupid. I should never try to do two things at once. Why don’t they make these cartons with handles so they’re not so damn slippery?”

And now we’re off to the races.

Or they’re vacuuming, not paying attention, and they suck something up that jams the machine.

What happens?

They kick the vacuum . . . like it was its fault. And then spout out a litany of angry reactions. “This blanket-blank vacuum sucks.” (or in this case doesn’t).

And you see this everywhere. Watch a professional athlete. A golfer hits one bad shot and suddenly he flings his club in anger and then punctuates the air with a list of expletives.

Same reaction. Different stage.

I remember my own version of this.

About 50 years ago, I was watching a basketball game on TV. My team made a string of bad plays and lost in the playoffs.

I got so mad . . . I threw the glass I was holding right at the wall.

It shattered.

My wife saw the whole thing. And let’s just say . . . she had some thoughts.

She made it very clear – loud and direct – that what I just did was childish and unacceptable.

That moment stuck with me. Not because it magically fixed anything overnight – but because it made me aware.

I realized . . . I had a reaction problem.

Years later, I went to a workshop where the presenter ran us through a simple exercise. Thirty seconds, that was it.

He said, “Imagine someone in authority telling you to do something you don’t want to do.”

Then he pointed out – even someone like Bill Gates, richest guy in the world at the time, had people telling him what to do. Even the President gets told what to do.

So we close our eyes and imagine it – someone giving us an order we don’t like.

You feel that reaction rise up . . . that resistance, that irritation.

Then he says, “Open your eyes, look down at the palms of your hands . . . and laugh out loud.”

That was it.

Sounds almost too simple, right?

But something about that stuck with me.

To this day, when something annoying or unexpected happens, I still feel that initial reaction start to kick in . . . but then I catch it – and I laugh.

At myself. At the situation. At how predictable that reaction is.

And just like that, the moment loses its grip.

That little shift has taken a surprising amount of drama and anger out of my life.

Because the reality is, things are going to happen. Shit happens. Spills, jams, bad shots, bad calls . . . all of it.

That part’s unavoidable.

But it’s not the stimulus that sends us off the rails.

It’s the reaction.

So if you can learn to laugh at your reactions – even just a little – you take your power back.

Otherwise . . . the joke’s kind of on you.

All the best,
John