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Synopsis

After the events in Twilight 1, we find Bella and Edward in a difficult position. Edward no longer believes that their relationship is safe, and decides that the only way to protect Bella is for him to leave forever. Broken hearted, Bella builds a friendship with Jacob, and kind and boy with long hair and a six pack. After Bella rejects Jacob’s romantic advances, she notices him grow distant and strange. He roams with a pack of outcasts and seems to be keeping dark secrets. Its not long before the truth comes out, her new friend and potential love interest is a monster. Again. Bella will need to decide if her love for Edward can survive his absence, or if the alpha will take his place.

Score: 4/10

When 2 20 something wanna be content creators find an opportunity to get views, Ben and Tina travel to a remote location to film their experience in an underwater home. After extreme flooding, the building sank into a local lake, making it the perfect spot for inexperienced divers to explore for YouTube. As things start to go south while deep in the house, the couple learns that this is no ordinary house, but a deep house. A Deep house with deep secrets.

The Deep House is a novel idea with poor execution. Almost the entirety of the film is done underwater, which must have been incredibly hard to accomplish. I heard that most of the movie was filmed in a large swimming pool, which gives it a unique vibe. Unfortunately, it seems that the filmmakers were wholly incapable of capitalizing on this. There is almost no plot, and the plot that is there is so minimal that the characters hardly have time to explain it to you. There’s a house underwater, some evil happened there, and evil will continue to happen. Why? Cause it’s a spooky haunted house horror movie. That’s what is supposed to happen. It feels shallow, pun absolutely intended, and I couldn’t wait for it to be over. Side note, lighting the set underwater must have been a nightmare, but as much as I want to give the crew their flowers, they did not do good enough. I couldn’t see what was going on in so many scenes, and that is probably because a flashlight underwater does not show up well on screen, but they should have done something because what the actual hell. The movie is so dark. I hope they do better in Deep House 2: Deeper House.

Score: 2/10

Bella is a 17 year old girl who just moved to the small town of forks to live with her father. As she begins to make new friends at her highschool she runs into a very handsome and very mysterious Edward Cullins. He is tall, pale, and very moody. The perfect speciman. As Bella begins to fall for Edward she learns about his dark and sparkly secret. He is a 120 year old vampire. The insane age gap aside, the two begin dating, but soon a traveling group of vampires come to the town to tear the love-bats apart.

Twilight is an objectively bad movie. Luckily I think it falls into the category of “so bad its good”. The dialogue is awkward, the acting is so bad it hurts. Its specifically geared towards teenage girls who fantasize about unhealthy relationships with undead monsters, making it an uncomfortable watch for a 27 year old man. But I do think those things are what makes it charming. I was watching this with my wife and we were laughing and talking throughout the whole movie, making it a pretty enjoyable movie experience. It isnt a good movie, but it can be a good time.

Score: 3/10