“What if relationship conflict isn’t about communication SKILLS–but about misunderstood needs?”

This is the foundational question Fernie resident and Counselor, Dayna Haig-Conway asked me when I got to be a guest on her podcast–CAMP Conversations: Keys to Resilience–recently.

I’m eager to share her conversation with you. Dayna’s approach is to search for “the needs behind the needs,” and I am thrilled I get to introduce you to this gem of a human being:

1. You’ll hear how The Partner, The Lover, and The Friend can unintentionally compete with each other, confusing your communication and making it tough to see what each person truly needs.
2. You’ll hear why naming HOW you communicate matters as much as WHAT you’re saying. Hint: your animal body communicates too.
3. You’ll get some simple language shifts that will reduce defensiveness and cultivate understanding with your sweetheart.

Connect with Dayna Haig-Conway

1. I invite you to listen/watch her podcast.
2. Explore the world of resilience and service she’s building for front line caretakers like nurses and teachers.
3. Or book a discovery call with her to see how she might be able to help you locate the needs behind your needs.

Visit the show notes here.

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Reach me at 970-210-4480

What’s the best thing you can do to create momentum with a habit?

If you want to form a new habit, psychologists tell us the biggest momentum builder is a positive emotional rush. Joy. Today we talk about the most important part of the habit-building cycle: celebration.

1. You’ll learn why celebrating those tiny changes in the directional vector toward your destination matters so much
2. You’ll hear about the biology of celebrating and how it contributes to habit formation
3. And you’ll get a host of questions to help you celebrate to strengthen your own efforts at habit formation rather than relying on circumstances to make you feel better.

Habit for Your Happily Ever After

This week’s habit for your happily ever after is…to celebrate!

To help you celebrate better and more consistently, I’ve designed a couple questions to guide you. Use these questions to help you mine for the positive emotions associated with the way you’re living your life.

Date Night Discussion

Today the discussion I want to suggest isn’t with your partner, but rather with yourself.

And it’s a simple question. I invite you to ask yourself, “Did I truly let myself see and celebrate the tender habit of hello (or whatever habit you are building) I am creating?”

Visit the show notes here.

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Listen to my book.

Please subscribe to my newsletter here. This unlocks personal invitations from me only available to my subscribers.

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Reach me at 970-210-4480

How is your negativity bias impacting your relationship, and taking you off course?

Today, we’re talking about that little voice we all have that tends to focus on what’s wrong in our relationship instead of what’s right.

Last week I shared a favorite quote from Jim Rohn, “Direction determines destination.” We talked about planes that are off course 90% of the time they’re in the air, but still manage to land in the appointed destination.

The critical element for a pilot is to keep refining that vector of direction, a little north…oh! Overshot it. Now a little south. North again. South a smidge. Until your destination is inevitable.

Similarly, when you’re able to focus on your direction—and all the tiny vectors of habits we talk about on this show—the destination of happily ever after takes care of itself.

But what happens when that negative voice pipes up saying, “You never flush the toilet?” Or “You never kiss me hello.”

1. We’ll talk about how this tiny voice is trying to help you, even if it’s really annoying
2. I’ll offer you 3 specific steps to mollify that voice
3. And, I’ll guide you with a discussion prompt so you and your partner can get past the negativity and connect with more hopefulness

Habit for Your Happily Ever After

This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to practice the negativity bias trifecta:

1. Name it
2. Tame it
3. Muscle up

Date Night Discussion

This week I invite you to talk about your negativity bias with your partner.

Tell your partner all the various disguises it might wear. Ask about your partner’s negativity bias.

I recommend naming it something goofy. Get a tchotchke that will help you develop a humorous relationship with your negativity bias.

Register for my upcoming virtual event.

Visit the show notes here.

Buy my book.

Listen to my book.

Please subscribe to my newsletter here. This unlocks personal invitations from me only available to my subscribers.

Follow me on Tik Tok.

Reach me at 970-210-4480